Wise & Young

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T10:28:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year

Saturday 9:30 pm

Location: Kramer’s Books

I never understood why bougie queens always wanted to prove how smart they were by wanting to go to a coffee house, art house, bookstore, or some shit like that. Somehow being surrounded by books gives the illusion of being well read. This is quickly shattered when the question “what was the last book you read” is uttered. Like a deer in headlights said queen freezes because they haven’t read a book voluntarily since the grade school. Worse are those who pick up every self-help, keys to unlocking your greatness, and you are your own worst enemy self-help crap that is available. Somehow they think someone out their in the world has found the secret, the secret to unlocking what has been dormant in us since we lost our innocence, hope and the ability to dream, but are willing to share how we too can be like them in less than 200 pages, and for a meager 29.95, plus tax.

So here I am, aimlessly walking down isle upon isle of books that once been arranged in some discernible fashion, now haphazardly placed wherever by those, like me wanting to waste time, until a greater distraction comes around. Somehow I wander over and find a book chronicling what someone now considers the quarter life crisis. Since it borders on self-help I’m apprehensive but at the same time, interested to see what the authors have decided to say about life to make people feel better about their lives. Is life hard, looking at my mother who continuously struggles to make ends meet and my brother who has struggled to live and thrive since birth, it seems life is hard no matter what age or stage you are in your life. Are they going to talk about finding yourself, but how can you find yourself if you’re constantly changing, reacting to the various situations that occur, you are only an amalgamation of the reactions that you have had in all of the situations of your life, as your life changes so do you. Finding yourself is a futile exercise that promises only one thing, to leave the seeker frustrated, angry, and ultimately questioning who they are. Instead of these over used, under analyzed colloquiums, the book if you can call it that, instead offers up anecdotes and excuses for actions. Being under-utilized at work, it’s not your fault- your supervisor refuses to see the true ability in you. Constant fights with your parents; it’s their fault for not respecting you. Your new found sexual freedom, now have people calling you a whore, you have a healthy libido and are just sowing your wild oats.

Smirking I repeated, sowing your wild oats. Admittedly I have and continue to sow oats, wild oats, mundane oats, cautious oats, adventurous oats, and on occasion have had to reap what I sowed. One thing about being gay in DC, whores abound. Only a select few have the forthrightness, and are honest with them to know that they are whores. While the majority act as if they are the singular vestal virgin in a harem, looking down upon everyone else as they fornicate. But when the lights are dim, and the unspoken promise that this will never be mentioned outside of this one encounter, the virgin charade is dropped replaced with a sexual appetite that no one man could satisfy. So instead of just one on one encounters, or trying to line a few, they know where to go. Where anonymity, discretion, are pledged sex is done with reckless abandonment, Rock Creek Park near P ST NW, Union Station lower level bathroom, Malcolm X Park, any gym, and the mother of all loads, Glorious Health and Amusement also known as the follies. More than a few I have been to, every time I went to one it was under the same bullshit lie, I was there to watch to be a voyeur but more times that I cared to imagine I became part of the spectacle, a freak show among freaks.

The Follies was the place, for between 15-20 dollars you could do, and see anything. The rare times it was empty or hardly anyone there you could feel the generations of men who had walked the same path, crouched down upon a wooden orifice, to receive or to send over the only thing they could. Walls etched with names, numbers, and drawings looked like cave drawings of a lost people begging for the world to remember who they are and not to turn out like them. Empty shells that had once be regarded for their beauty but now what once gave them great joy caused illness, alienation, and death. The movie theater that consisted of a large screen that played black, interracial, and more recently ethnic porn gleamed against the warm tones of the cherry wood, mahogany, and Minwax stained church pews arranged in bent angles. When full of men, the church pews would be covered with flesh, hands moving against each other, in the eerily silence, eyes straight ahead but never looking at anyone never real intimacy just touching, tasting, and smelling what the others had inviting them to do the same. At times there was dark room that was open, on special occasions which was realistically any big conventions of gays congregating in DC, fraternal conferences, rallies, prides, or political fundraisers. That dark dank room scared the living shit out of me, upon walking in you felt half a dozen hands doing the work that their master’s eyes could not due to the depth of the darkness there. Hands would test your muscularity, crotch size, thickness of your ass and thighs, and patience. As would the oppressive heat, since this blackened room was the darkest place in the club it had the most people hiding from the light, themselves, and ready to do anything and anyone. It did not matter how much you swatted, scratched, or protested, in the darkness the hands were embolden by a mixture of tester one, immunity in the form of anonymity, and the need for sexual gratification. Some hands would stop for a few seconds after protesting only to come back with a stronger grip to assert their presence upon your person.

While others would try to hit you if you hit their hand off of your body. But as soon as someone else new came along the hands would shift onto the latest person to indoctrinate them in this molestation. Only the light of flickering cell phones could be momentary guide as not to disrupt the ambiance this darkened cave encouraged. At times, the lights would flicker and you would see body spread eagle hands holding their own ankles surrounded by men taking turns in him. Some would be holding him down while others would be ramming their partially erect dicks into his worn anus. Sometimes he would moan or yell but they were quickly gone as not draw too many men onto the prize that someone or a few had captured and wanted to keep a secret. So the bottom knew that if too many had come over then the fucking would stop, and he would no longer be prized by the half dozen men who were taking turns pouring themselves into him, so he kept his mouth shut as part of the deal. Which wasn’t hard to do, his anus had long become numb to the forceful, slow, antagonizing pushes of men into him. The body heat would be unbearable for me, and the stench of bile, semen, and body odor had become too much, so I left the inferno for the sedate by comparison, rest of the follies. I needed to see the person who I was engaging with, or else I could not enjoy myself. I may not need to always look at them, but that first glance was crucial, it was the only way I knew that this was a real person, or a semblance of someone real. Otherwise, it was just a body, a body with flaws and perfections which would now be used as tool of pleasure to the best of its ability. When I saw that person there was a life there, there was person still there, something within them had breathed and yearned for the same things that I did at that moment, to be touched.

When the follies was packed it was packed, some nights there was a line outside the building to gain entrance, and in that line you could see it all. The old men who would lurk in the darkness hoping to be feed unknowingly by someone who rebuff their advances in any other circumstance, and how that old man had now taken the place of the old queens of his youth coming full circle in a way, the younger fairies who traveled in packs, arms crossed, eyebrows plucked and arched to the heavens eager to find that ever illusive “thug” that would treat them, fuck them, and abuse them like the bitch they portrayed themselves to be, the married men with their hats pulled down low and wedding bands in the glove compartment., the muscle men, the pretty boys, the men who seemingly had everything would be in the line too, ready to let go of their inhibitions and leave their actions there in the darkness. The assortment of men from various walks of life was an interesting site to see, all united for one night for one purpose sex.

When you gain admittance to the follies when it was packed, it took on a sexual circus in which we all played a major or minor part. There were the men who filled the air with the scent of poppers from the various inhalants that were used to create a sense of euphoria. Some men would walk miles in the follies looking for something they would never find, love. Then there were those who had stopped lying to themselves a long time ago, and embraced the role of sexual objectification with open arms, ass, mouth, and hard dick. You could tell who they were when they would enter the building they walked with an authority and determination as if they were running late for any important meeting. After finding their reserved gloryhole, corner, or other safe space, they proceed to strip and commence with whomever was around and willing. Often times if you looked up you would see a pile of clothes hanging from the chicken wire netting which covered all the booths, serving its purpose as makeshift clothes holder.

I never went that far, but none of the men who did were around my age, they were in varying shapes of health some thin and sick, others fat both which you could rationalize that they were doing this because they had no choice. But they were in the minority many of whom had become bold enough to strip and fully accept their man-made destiny were in shape, and attractive. Many seemed to be in their late 30’s early 40’s but it seemed that every other Black Queen in DC fit that description. A few times I had talked to them to find out how they had gotten to their current state, partly trying not to judge, for judging them would be a sense judging me, for I was there too and only a few actions, and a two decades removed from taking their place. Some had said they had given up on love or finding love, others had lovers and wives at home who knew what they were doing, while others rationalized their actions on an insatiable lust for sex. Some had even tattooed their desire on themselves, MANHOLE had come in with two of his white masters who would point to people and MANHOLE would take them in any orifice they wanted. I called him MANHOLE because he was barely dressed, a black leather jockstrap with the 8 inch capitalized MANHOLE on the small of his back, above his ass. The masters got off watching the power they had to make their nigger whore do whomever they wanted to no matter how he looked, smelled, or even if MANHOLE wanted. MANHOLE got off, by acknowledging the power that he had by manipulating these men into believing they had any real control and that it would all end whenever MANHOLE wanted. What united them all was a steel coldness in their eyes, the light of passion and joy, had been extinguished long ago. Maybe they had blown out that flame in order to keep someone else from stealing that light, or it had flickered and burned itself out for there was no more paraffin to keep it burning. I hated that look in their eyes for it seemed like I was looking into a mirror of myself in the future. Was I destined to become like them, fucking instead of love for everyone to see, giving up on someone loving me and in turn giving up on me loving me.

No, that’s why I’m on this date, I told me myself. The only way to find someone is to put you out there, get some skin in on the game. So I’m here and it’s now 9:40 pm. Drew said he’d be here by 9:30, I’ll give him 5 more minutes then I’m going back home.

All of a sudden I hear someone hastily walking up directly behind me, I turn around to hear. “I’m sorry I’m late, traffic was horrible, and I had to find parking too. Wow, you’re pictures don’t do you justice” I try to crack a smile and think of something nice to say, all I can think of is you are abundantly obese, where the fuck is the man in the pictures what did you do with him you fat bastard, did you digest him, this fat bitch is a liar and he’s late.
Instead I just do my best white people grin without showing teeth and say “Thank you, glad you made it”

Drew described himself as tall, dark brown, and with a football players build. He was right he was dark, and his football players build was that of an ex high school football just flabby. So as he talks about himself, and asks me what do I want to drink, and continuously talks about himself. I can’t help but think “Who does this fat fuck think I am? Does he realize that he’s not what he told he was?” Its not that he’s fat or rather not in shape, I’ve dated on the big side a few times, but it’s the fact that he lied, and so boldly I mean what the fuck will he do if I call his fat ass out and be like excuse me um, where is the nigga in the three photos, and you said your waist was 34, when was that?. If he’s lying about this then what else is he lying about-being single, hiv status, his name, what the hell else?

So as Drew, if that’s his real name excuses himself to go to the bathroom, I motion to the waiter that the fat fuck in the bathroom will be dining alone to night. I get my hoodie, zipper it up, and leave Kramer’s Books, straight home to Hyattsville via the Dupont Circle Metro station. All the time thinking, what till I tell Bookie about this one.

The first short story

2007-12-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

Okay I keep my word, I need feedback....have a happy holiday season.

Its 10 now, we not are going to grab something to eat, I know Darryl’s going to g the Bachelor’s Mill. Had it been anyone else I would have just turned around and went back to Baltimore. Lately I’ve become a hermit of sorts, staying in &, keeping to myself. Not the outgoing person I used to because being in the gay scene is too taxing so I just stopped. No more religious devotion to the gym, abs, were the reward for a zealous commitment to perfection, now are covered by a chocolate jello layer. Jaw line once chiseled now, soft creating an illusion of a happy visage . I knew when Darryl called with an invitation to dinner with his new beau that dinner was never going to happen. But I bought this pretense because with his move to Atlanta, it’s rare we get to see each other. As well as to meet his beau Carl, from the information I was told, I cautioned Darryl against his involvement with Carl. A man who is in his mid forties, finically secure, and who had a lover of 15 years that he is allegedly “divorcing”. I guess Carl decided that going to a sex party would help hasten the process, & that’s where he met Darryl. The more I learned about this Carl, or rather his actions the more I became suspicious. Men, gay or straight, don’t just buy phones, take dates on trips around US, buy jewelry yet never have you over to their house or visit the city they reside in during the same time frame. Anytime I raised a point of concern to Darryl he would say,
“Len, you just don’t understand bruh”, right I didn’t understand how a rationally thinking person who was quick to dole out advice could not see that he had unwittingly confused trinkets, meant to pacify and null the senses, for love and intimacy. But I can’t judge, for more times than not I’ve confused, traded, give, and got sex in place of love.
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10:30
This is why I don’t fuck with NW DC! Looking for parking has taken me from Hotel Rouge on 16th st NW to 24th and P st NW. All of a sudden the phone rings and its Darryl, I know he’s going to ask where the hell am I.
“Hey”
“Hey how you doing?”
“I’m still looking for fucking parking I’m all the way down 24th and P”
“Oh Lord, bamas I tell ya, come back to the hotel I got a spot for you”
“Aight”
While driving it hits me, this is the first time I’m going out in a year. I don’t even know the spots anymore or how to find out. Part of the reason was because I told myself when then Mayor Williams and the new DC residents decided that DC needed a wholesome All-American baseball, and a stadium to play in, eyed SW DC. The Black gay night life up to that point was pretty predictable, and regimented, attributable to the bureaucratic nature of the queens who like things to be routine, and easy. If they had more than one option they would be paralyzed by the idea that if they decided on the wrong venue that night that they would not be noticed. .
Back then, the night life started on Thursday the Bachelors Mill, near the Navy Yard, also known as the retirement home, had card playing, house music with a touch of Hip-Hop. Here you could find queens in their fifties with Fubu and Enyce outfits complete with one pant leg rolled up, trying to emulate “trade” circa 1994. Friday was reserved for the Edge a one story warehouse building that had more people preening, and posturing than actually dancing or enjoying themselves. Saturday, was the Delta Elite, also known as the death trap, oppressively hot, insanely crowded; and one of the few spots where those under 21 were allowed admittance. Here you could find the young queens mostly college age, recently or in the process of coming out, booty popping to every song and the older hawks who preyed on them trying to get one alone and take them home. This was the first gay club I ever went to, where it was astonishing to see the sheer number of queens in one spot, it seemed then that the whole Black gay population came out for my coronation or ascendency to queendom. Sunday, was for the fireplace, like the Delta was an extremely crowded spot, or at least on Sundays, but only one the second floor. The Fireplace had this unwritten rule, like much of DC gay life, Black and White queens don’t hold court together. Like a segregated church out of the south, Whites stayed at the bottom, and us coloreds mingled, congregated, and fellowshipped upstairs. Chocolate Tuesdays at the Wet was the stop to go to, or so they said. The few times I went it never was impressive The dancers, none were particularly attractive, but they all had big dicks. In this lifestyle, in this city, a lot is overlooked if you have an eye catching, or pleasure providing appendage, and the dancers knew this, and used the thirsty bottoms to their advantage. The dancers and tippers had come to an agreement, dancers let those tipping grope, play, and occasionally lick their manhood in direct proportion to the size of the tip; while the tippers did not ask the strippers to dance, act amused, or give them the slightest illusion that there was anything more than a business transactions, exacting money from a human ATM, quick, calculated, and thoughtless.
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But I knew that Darryl, will go to the the Mill. I would too even though I really wanted to go home, but Darryl is one of my closest friends. Plus, I’m somewhat curious to see this Carl character. Upon parking and walking out towards the hotel I see Darryl outside, we hug and he asks me the envitable question.
“Yo, are you hungry?” Thinking no, but I’m tired like shit, so I shake my head no.
“Oh my boy and I were thinking about going to the Mill, you down” It was almost a rhetorical question there was no way I was turning back to Baltimore after a meet and greet.
“Yea I’m down”
“Aight, bet let me introduce you to my boy Carl”
“Hey, nice to meet you” I said extending my hand out to be shook
“Same here” Carl said, shaking my hand firmly. Carl was light brown, in-shape, who looked indescribable otherwise, for any description of him was to describe half of the queens of his generation, educated, well-off, someone who understood the need to take care of yourself and preserve your appearance without going under the knife or the MAC counter. On our ride to the retirement village, I made small talk with Darryl, making sure to include Carl as well, the type of safe conversation that no one really remembers, but still amiable.
When we arrived at the Bachelors Mill, Carl paid our entry fee and since there wasn’t a line, it was only 11, the bar was relatively empty. On the first floor there were two dance floors both accompanied by bars. The larger of the dance floors was guarded by a woman who sat hunched over, grabbing men by the wrists and offered to help them put on their wristbands. She never smiled, as if smiling would magnify her thick mustache that rivaled many of the patrons, including mine.
This dance floor played only house music, the type of house music that followed disco and what so many of the children became intimately aware of growing up. These songs became the battle cries of their youth that now echo and fill their senses with memories of lovers lost, friends, and the end of an era when they were the up-and-coming ones. Naturally Carl decided to display his age and relegate himself there, while Darryl and I made our way to the smaller hip-hop dance floor.
Since it was so early barely anyone was on this side. This smaller side was ruled by the younger queens under 30 like me, the ones that would someday listen to these same songs and be able to recall a memory of a man, moment, or an emotion long forgotten and buried under years of routine living and aging. But for now this small space was where we marked our territory, wrote and re-wrote the roles of engagement, codified how best to attract the men we think we want. The DJ decided to play a watered down set filled with one hit wonders, long forgotten artists, and remixes that should never have been made. While Darryl stayed downstairs nursing his drink like a suckling newborn on a tit.
I wondered if the owner, who some say is a black queen others say a snow queen and a few say a black butch, redecorated the space. Opening up the door, I see that whomever they are left the space alone. Like last time I was here there were card games going on, and bustling pool tables all circulated around an island bar. Walking through the crowd it was hard to shake the feeling that I was walking among survivors. The war started with a bliezting attack called gay cancer or gay pneumonia at the time, leaving many friends, foes, former lovers devoured in its wake riddled with Karpi Scaroma, and with an unrelenting intensity that never played fair-even to this day. Some survived but bore the sunken in cheeks, bloated bellies, and former Adonis forms morphed into bastardized versions of their former selves. But in their eyes they are proud, proud to be able to enjoy tonight fellowship with commodores and regale each other about the good times before the Great War.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------There were other survivors here; there were those had survived a solitary war. Where the enemy had used positions of power and authority and promised to love them, only to hurt them maliciously, vigorously used their pre-pubescent bodies for acts unspeakable only whispered about, afterwards sealing their lips shut with shame. So it was not until years later when the warriors wondered why they had turned to define themselves by the tests of how much pleasure they could incite in others that they realized what the enemy had done and the ramifications. But in places like this, the warriors of this silent war knew the look of each other, for we all bore the same look a silent pain screaming from behind our eyes. Some uses this place and places like it looking for solace, some for love but many simply want a reprieve from their shell shock.

But staying upstairs too long is not in the cards tonight, because the smell of an toilet wafted through the air. As the fumes of funk bum rushed my nose I make a hurried retreat back into the Hip-Hop dance floor. With the crowd now a nice size the DJ decided to play music more palatable and I make my approval known by the signature side to side step that those of my generation make, a slight nodding of the head and equally stylized bounce from left to right expelling enough energy to be in sync with the music, not enough to break a sweat. Tonight was not a night to sweat but a night to commune. As the songs change, and the beat quickens it seems to reach and grab every queen in the vicinity, wave upon wave of royalty stormed the small room each with a face that portrayed a confusement as to why they had been drawn there but few left. I left, a nice crowd is one thing but too many bodies stifle movement and defeat my ability to have fun of any variety.

Making my way to the large dance room it too has become filled, not packed but an ever thickening crowd. Over by the bar I see Carl who seemed to be in his element, chatting with what looked to be some friends. Out of nowhere appears Darryl by Carl’s side, and Carl’s demeanor seems to lighten, Carl’s embrace, holding Darryl by his waist bodies turned toward each other. This was both strategic, and endearing. In the life, there are certain moves you make to assert power, dominance, submission, and hierarchy some subtle others blatant. Each was marking their mate by this display of affection rarely seen in an environment like this, but this was for all of those queens watching, and they were watching, that they were taken. On the dance floor the queens looking for a one night stand were using blatant displays of flesh to find the man that would soothe their carnal urges for at least tonight. One queen, who looked good for his age 55, wore the tightest jeans displaying his semi-hard dick print, accented by his cock ring. His ass was on display as well, perfectly round, high, and seeming tight from decades of Pilates and yoga. His devotion paid off, the queens took notice, some with envy others with lust, most with a mixture of both. As the night wore on, my nomadic tendencies waned and I found a seat to people watch. The packs of queens came and went there were a few whose faces I had known before tonight, the New Yorkers without a penny to their name but managed to craft their way to LA, Atlanta, and Puerto Rico every pride season. The gym bunnies of Bally are who lied to themselves that there are on the DL. Faces upon face that I have seen before as extras in clubs and bars, on nights like tonight. Each one of us has found our way here tonight, some via habit, others by chance. But we are all here, hundreds packed into this two story bar from different walks of life here, what drove us here. What keeps us here, so many have a longing in their eyes that betrays the illusion that their voices portray. Is this a place of refuge from the harsh world that awaits us every time we leave this safe place, or does the Mill and the its kind serve up love and damnation in a 1:8 ratio? Have queens, like me come to swallow the harshness because of we hold so preciously onto iota of love that we will do anything for it?

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Mid-thought I get the signal from Darryl that they are ready to go. Darryl now not drunk but in his niceness state is very chatty, its something about liquor that turns even the most stoic of personalities into chatterboxes. As we drive back to the hotel, I have to admit it’s nice to see Darryl happy with someone who takes him for him, and who he equally admires. It’s not my place to understand what money has to do in their relationship, it may be the impetuses or a type of foreplay. One thing I have learned is that we all have to create our own laws, our own rules and be fluid enough to change when its advantageous to do so. For some they too quickly compromise everything including the very core of who they are for the sake of love, but then they quickly resent the person they have become and the man how they changed for. Others refuse to change or compromise telling themselves that someone must be able to take all of them but refuse to take all of someone else. The balancing act of love, gay, straight, or otherwise is hard, its not too often that people get it right, but we can try to get close.

2007-12-20T08:57:00.000-05:00

I know you all got tired of seeing that damn Pauvre Chic posting….............................................so did I

Ok so what’s been up with me personally still the same ole same ole nothing has really changed.

Professionally, I’ve changed employers still doing the same job but get this making damn near 16k more. My ex-employer did some shady shit with my last pay check and now I’m sueing them in small claims court right ( only me). The people @ my new job are older than me, very distant, very northern va-esque. I’m studying for the GMAT exam I want to take in 2009. Simultaneously I’m studying for the Foreign Service Officer exam and preparing to take that in December of 2008.

I’ve started writing short stories. You will see them soon. I.E. tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is Pouvre Chic?

2007-10-16T08:52:00.000-04:00

What is Pauvre Chic:

Literally it translates into poor style, or poor ethos. But its so much more than that, pauvre chic is a design and decorating ethos that is geared to those who have more time than money, but don’t want to sacrifice comfort, taste, or quality due to lack of funds. It’s a way of being creative in how you find the pieces, how to make quality investments that rival those who spend much more money to get something similar.

The basic tenants of pauvre chic are find quality, do it yourself, passing it on, and patience

Find quality

In this day and age so much of what is created is made only for the here and now,not made to last, those items that are made to last often cost so much that its out of the realistic grasp of most people. So where does that leave you? You can get antiques, at times you can really find some great pieces such as accents, or even large pieces at good prices. Unfortunately the market for antiques, items 100 years or older, is so fully exploited that the casual buyer with little to no money, can not realistically get something nice often enough. But there are other ways to find quality furniture, accents, home furnishings, and more. One of the ways means I use is freecycle. Freecycle is a listserv that connects people who are looking for merchandise with those who are giving merchandise away for various reasons. Moving out hastily, re-decorating, change of life, or just getting stuff out of storage are all reasons that people give things away for free. Another source is Craigslist, on Craigslist they have a free web posting similar to freecycle, as well as items people are selling. For me I try to spend no more than 100 dollars on any furniture, and as little as possible for other decorative touches. Each person has to set their own limit, and those changes due to items, preference, how much work there needs to be done, and the urgency of the need. Yard sales, Thrift stores, Storage auctions, Consignment shops, friends, and family are all viable options of retrieving items that you would want.

How do you determine quality, well quality differs for each person. I look at how well the piece was made, the time period, and how old is a piece. For instance, if you are looking for a dresser and you find two that are free one is made out of mahogany dovetailed, all the drawers work, but is really scratched up, and the other one is a gently used Ikea particle board dresser that is no older than 2 years old depending on what you are need and are trying to achieve both are quality. The Ikea piece would work very well if you don’t want to put little to no time and energy in refinishing, whereas the mahogany piece may work better if you plan to keep it and utilize it. So quality is very subjective, and only you can make that determination.

Do It Yourself

After finding the item or items you are looking for now here comes your chance to be creative again. Look at what the piece is, and then imagine what you want it to be, and how it will fit into your own aesthic you are trying to create for room, home, patio, etc. Depending on your level of expertise you can do a little or a lot to change the items you received to the item you want. I consider myself a novice, I have some handyman skills, but not enough to call myself experienced, just yet. What I have done so far is use paints and stains to change the character of a room. I primed, and painted my bedroom by myself, the whole project cost no more than 150 dollars, including the paint supplies that I will continuously use, and the primer and paint cost about 70 dollars total. But if I would have hired someone to do that, I would have paid more just in the labor costs. Plus I learned a valuable skill, how to paint which helped me when stripped, sanded, and stained an Ethan Allen dresser, two night stands, and a queen size bed frame all to achieve a Bombay Mahogany color. This tied all pieces which I got for free, into a uniform set.

With the advent of various internet sites, you can merely type in what you want to do and directions on how to do it will come from various sources. I tend to go to DIYnetwork and HGTV.com they have videos which help show you how to do something, likewise youtube also has this advantage. Depending on the project, the manufacturer of products that help with that project also provide useful tips as well.

The more you do the more you can enhance your skill set and try different things.

Passing it on

The most egalitarian thing about pouvre chic is passing it on. You receive things for little to no cost, its only right that you do the same. We live in a society where we are thought that the accumulation of things means that you are better off. Anyone can tell you that this is not the case. Plus no matter how little you have very few of us don’t have something that we can give away that someone else may find useful, essential, or just plain want. The only way for you to have received what you wanted someone else had to part with what they had.

Patience

Nothing in life worth having comes easy. So trying to get quality pieces it will take time for them to become available under the conditions that you want, either free or within your low price range. Also the amount of work that needs to be done to rejuvenate them may take awhile as well. Then at times the project may not turn out exactly the way you want, or it may just bomb entirely. Be patient with yourself, and with the circumstances, in the end you will have one of a kind pieces that speak to who you are a person, what you feel is important, you would have gained new skills, and your wallet will thank you. So remember its a learning process, have patience with yourself.

Back to my Roots

2007-10-12T08:25:00.000-04:00

For so many African-American’s the idea that you could trace your family history back akin to semi-fictional tale of Roots. But with the aide of modern technology it’s a reality that I am currently experiencing. My “journey” to find out who I am or where I come from started off rather innocuously with home décor. I know home décor, but I was looking for items that both fit into my pauvre chic but still spoke to me as an African-American.

Of course I was looking for paintings, drawings, and other artwork but I wanted something different. Something that was a real conversation starter, then it hit me. FREEDOM PAPERS, I wanted a copy of papers that set free, manumit, a persons and/or their progeny from slavery. But of course being the me that I am, I thought “wouldn’t it be great to be able to get a copy that had a surname that was I had in my pedigree, and possibly could be related to me. With the quick type of Google, I found it. I was literally stunned, I kept saying to myself, “No, no, no, it can’t be THIS easy”, but there it was, the surname of my mother’s maiden name starring back at me, with a list of fourteen slaves that were to be manumit from bondage at various ages. The records happened to be a school with Quaker ties. Before I realized it, I was on the phone with the person who was in charge of records.

What shocked him, was that no less than five minutes previously he was talking to the a colleague of his about those very records. In his mind he thought I must have talked to his colleague, and was stunned when he realized that no, I was complete stranger. Fate is funny I guess. In an hour, in my inbox, there were the pdf versions of the manumitted slaves names of fourteen persons: Robert, Eleanor, Mary, Lucy, Henry, William, John, Mark, Agnes, Polly, Joan, Richard, and Betsey. Of course after I got this and told my Mom. Understandably she was excited and happy charged with the idea that somehow maybe just maybe one of these persons was an ancestor of ours.

From there she told me a story that I remembered hearing that one of her ancestors on her father’s side as far back as we know was never a slave. The story went that he was on a ship bound to be a slave, but the captain of the ship could not pull into dock because slavery had been illegal, so instead of risking his life, the Captain burned the ship, and those on board, had to swim ashore, once reaching the shore. My ancestor got help from Quakers. I had heard this story before but I never really took it to heart, maybe it was the fact that I wanted to know if we were still related to one or more of the fourteen.

The Labor Day weekend that so many of the kids were out in Atlanta celebrating pride, I celebrated a different type of pride. After I told my new found interest of genealogy she turned over this pile of paper that she had been keeping just for this day. Information on various deceased relatives, contact information for those who she had been in contact with, and as much family research she did without having to pay (where do you think I got the pauvre chic genes from). That same day, after driving four ours to my hometown to spend that time with my mom, no more than an hour home, we decided on a spur of the moment trip to Accomac County, VA, to look for a town that had her ancestor’s surname.

Arriving in Accomac you could feel the history, the highway nothing more than a long seemingly forever stretch of asphalt, acres and acres of crops, a stillness in the acre, and often you could see abandoned farm buildings some larger than others where the vines had taken over. It was a Saturday and the whole county was still and quiet, eerily so. We finally arrive to the town that had our name, and only thing there was a street. A long street that was probably the only remnant of the place my great-grandfather grew up. While driving around we saw Black people, but we didn’t speak, my mother and I aren’t the type of people to just go up and talk to anyone.

But what that trip did was really spur me onto finding out as much information as possible about my family, the only way I knew how, by using the internet. Specifically ancestry.com. At first I was hesitant, I had used online communities, and subscriptions before, and all they ended up being was a hassle when you wanted to cancel. But I figured what the hell its 30 dollars a month and if I didn’t find anything then I would have just cancel. I started with knowing about only being able to go back three generations, after just a month I have been able to track my family back to 1835, and one person back to a specific owner, and plantation. It will only be a matter of time at least with that person that I can then trace who his mother and maybe father was due to the fact that most likely his parents were on the same plantation.

The only two issues that I have had so far is finding evidence to corroborate the story about the slave would be, and finding the last names of some of the ladies before they were married. Some of this information others in my family have, and they are just so damn trifling that I don’t know if they will ever give me the information that I need. But thanks to Ancestry.com I will be able to find it out eventually.

Since this has occurred knowing where my people came from Virginia and South Carolina, and learning more and more about them, has made me feel as if the United States is really mine. In fact, once I get my money right, I plan to buy an acre of land near or at the place in Virginia where my ancestor swam ashore.

Me, Myself, and I

2007-10-10T10:08:00.000-04:00

I’m not pressed.

After a few years of searching, too many dates, and even more well let’s say discretions, I’m done with looking for a relationship. In fact I don’t care anymore if I’m in one or not. In my early twenties I used to see gay and straight people coupled, break up, and repeat this never ending cycle. It seemed that everyone had been in a relationship; even the biggest whores I knew tried it, all except for yours truly. I started to think well is something wrong with me, why haven’t I been in a relationship yet. Was I too shy, thought of purely as a jump off, inhabit the permanent wrong place at the wrong time, looking too hard for love and not letting love find me. All these thoughts and many more culminated in strengthening my determination to be in a relationship, if nothing else than to experience the trials and tribulations necessary for human progression, or so I thought.

I started to change myself, and help “cure” certain things about me that I thought were hindering me from being in a relationship. I went out and bought books that taught you how to speak to anyone about anything, how to open up lines of communications, and how to attract people to you by the use of your personality. Then I went to functions, gay functions to meet use the skills I learned to see how well I had done in the application of such tactics. Book clubs, volunteering for DC’s White Party, gay volleyball games, house parties, birthday parties, networking events, church functions, and just out and about. After every such event I would replay the events in my mind while driving, or taking the metro, giving myself a mental grade, which usually was in direct correlation with the amount of conversations I started or participated in. I usually scored low.

Then I started to set my sights first a little lower, then a lot lower. In the beginning I wanted someone who was emotionally, mentally, and physically together, or in the process of working towards it. Someone who out, preferably a man of color, and someone who I was attracted to, and who was attracted to me, was my “type”. Soon after my only litmus test was attracted to me, which was very dangerous. I met a coke head African, a Cancer survivor who had kicked out his lover of 15 years 3 DAYS before I even knew him, a Marine with Iraqi War syndrome, and guys at Bally’s who suffered from one mental ailment to another.

Concurrently I began to think well maybe I have a reputation of being easy, (in retrospect me having a reputation in DC would be hard to fathom considering how the kids act) or I’m sowing my wild oats with people who would be interested in me but I am “too easy”. On some level I rationalized that I had said I wanted to be with one person, but my actions spoke differently. So I became celibate, for 8 months, never having sex and I felt that I was sexually “pure”, and that maybe this was just what I needed to do, open up my heart not pull down my pants. During this time, I went out with guys, we had dates, we had fun, but just as if I had sex with them, they fell by the way side sooner than I expected. So my celibacy ended, not with the person who I was engaging into a LTR with, but rather at a sex party. I called up two of my friends, and I cried.

To some degree I even think that my wanting to be in a relationship was a driving factor in me wanting to move. At the time, I felt as though I had exhausted the amount of datable men and that Baltimore, and with grand illusions of me traveling to Philly and NYC, had much better prospects. I will say this, the men in Baltimore, and the men in Philly tend to be nicer, down to earth, and generally easier to get along with. But, well beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and for the most part this beholder don’t see it. I mean, jagged teeth, finger waves, knock off Fubu, it’s a bit too much for me. So yes I moved, but to a city where I know no one, and actually have no real motivation to go out and meet new people, explore my surroundings, at all.

So where does this leave me? Here, right here, typing on a laptop on my way to work realizing that I’m happiest being alone. I’m rarely lonely, and when I am, its not really for a bed warmer but the company of my family and friends. I’m happy being alone, I like who I am, and I have more fun dancing around my house, enjoying the music blarred up, cooking up a storm like its Thanksgiving dinner, and more just because, well I can. If someone comes along, sure why the hell not, but if Mr. Right never does, I never will worry. I’m no longer pressed.

Analog Boy in a Digital World

2007-10-07T23:33:00.000-04:00

Dayum am I that out of place???

So Friday I get a call from one of my friends, we chit chat, and she tells me about this party she went to for this guy she knew at her alma mater. Come to find out he’s a rising Black Gay “leader” whose involved with politics, and whatnot. So she was telling me about how she felt being one of the few or only perceived to be straight people there and her feeling awkward and the social dynamics thereof. Noticing how difficult it was to “break in” and mingle due to the fact that everyone knew each other, she even commented on how more difficult it was and she attributed this to them being gay. On average it does seem harder to just have a regular conversation without there being a perceived underlying self serving motive. Then she noticed how they dressed, and her friend has changed so much as how it’s gotten to his head, and those around him were sycophants. But the most surprising thing was that she related this all back to me.

“I never realized how different you were from a lot of Gays until I started going to places with a lot of gay people, and I can see you as being perceived like different, like Erykah Badu different.” Now, I know I’m not all that eccentric, granted I would like to be at times, but I took what she meant as being more of a “free spirit” and independent. This is true, and would explain how and why I fit in at times, why I get bored with people and always trying something new to challenge myself. This is not to say that other people do not do this as well but at times my goals, interests, and the fact that I’m more than willing to do things solo make me quirky in the eyes of others.

Is that how I’m perceived, if so I’m very cool with that being that independent spirit. I like that

It's Me BITCHES

2007-10-05T10:45:00.000-04:00

Lenny Dorsey here again, the last time you all read what I wrote was when I talked about relationships and love. But now has come the time for me to formally introduce myself, hi I’m Lenny Dorsey. Periodically, that’s once in a while for the slower ones, I’ll be making a posting or two. Like Wise&Young, I live in the DC metro area, but I wasn’t dumb enough to move Bmore. Went to school at the REAL HU, work for a public relations firm, and have been in the life well since, damn, well since for as long as I can remember. Grew up in South Carolina, my mom who’s hella afrocentric you know the Erykah Badu, head wrap crew somehow ended up having me with a Jewish guy from NY. So yea I’m one of them mixed up bi-racial Lisa Bonnet, Lenny Kravtiz kids. But getting back to this blog the tops will be dependent upon my mood, and what’s happened in my life I will blog about whatever.

Now that the weather is changing, and daylight savings time approaches, of course the kids want to start dating someone for the fall, because after a summer and spring filled with romps in the park, party circuit, and et al. So now the A4A profiles change, those who met dateable men during the spring and summer, call them up to see if they are still available because they are ready to settle down. Out of these seasonal unions a few survive and turn into something worthwhile for both parties. But the majority end up as nothing more than warm body to come home to and provides the comfort of a consistent fuck buddy. Do I sound bitter? No, I’m not bitter at all. But I am a fervent believer that there are two types of Queens, the ones who settle down into comfortable Long Term relationships or the ones who are always on the move.

I’ve come to resign myself that I am one who is always on the move, not the settle down type. I used to yearn so hard and tough for a relationship with any semblance of a good person that I ended up telling myself be taken advantage of, compromising who I was, and biting my tongue until I nearly chocked on the blood that poured from my tongue into my mouth. During this stage in my development, I say development because I think its important for everyone to try it, even if you’re not a settle down type man, just to know that its not for you, I was stood up 14 times, dogged out 27 times, and lied to countless. Before you all start running to type oh its where you were meeting them, and what type of men they were, that’s bullshit. I dated lawyers, doctors, gym bunnies, introverts, extroverts, people I met on the street, people I met in the gym, people I met on the subway, people I met online, and people who my “friends” tried to hook me up with. All with the same shitty ass results. It wasn’t until a year ago that one I woke up and decided, “FUCK THIS SHIT”, fuck these antiquated notions of dating, love, and 2.5 kids. I’m gonna do me, and whomever I want to whenever. It wasn’t until then that I haven’t been so happy. Now when fellas try their game, I cut it off, and let them know I’m not having it. When I get those sporadic texts, phone calls, or other means of communication from someone who I haven’t from in months I call them on their shit to. The times I want to fuck, I let the other party know what the deal is, that I don’t care about them, how they feel, or what they are going through I only want to fuck. Most are taken aback, clutch their pearls and try to act holier than thou, but that façade quickly passes and they accept and revel in it.

I know some queens who have read the “Secret” and countless self help books anre going to shake their head at me and think oh what a shame, another wayward child. But fuck that shit, I’m happy. Happy with living a life filled with joy, free of drama, and without the bullshit that comes with those who play your emotions like a novice guitarist picks at the strings. I have a question for those queens, when was the last time you were truly happy? When was the last time that you could look at your life, and see how you have made it better than instead of letting some pop psychiatry dictate what you should do and not do? Have any of those books help land you a partner? Or are they saying you’ll get one when you’re ready. Well the Fireplace, the Mill, and every club, bar, bathhouse, and cruising spot are places where your predecessors end up, bitter, thirsty, and alone. I’m not saying you have to life your life like Lenny Dorsey, but live your life the best way you can, not the best way someone else told you.

My new Hobby

2007-10-03T10:07:00.000-04:00

One thing anyone has to realize that just because you don’t have money, or subscribe to the pauvre chic mantra does not mean that you have to sacrifice quality. Actually with the pauvre principle you end up having one of a kind piece that you have created. For instance, look at this dresser I got for free, its an Ethan Allen Dresser and mirror, which if I bought would have cost me 1300 easy, in the current condition, people buy dressers like this for 500 easy due to it being well made. I got the dresser with a pauvre vision in mind, use as little money to make the most out of it. So I decided to stain it a minwax color called “Bombay Mahogany” a deep rich brown, and put new handles on the dresser. The supplies, gloves, chemical stripper, sandpaper, sponge applicators, the polyshades ( a blend of polyurethane and the stain), and a tarp cost me about $50.

So before this is how it looks.

Look at the scratches on top of the dresser, not in the best of condition

This is how it looked after I stripped and sanded the dresser, at this point I’m thinking I really fucked this up, there was no turning back.

The dresser doors I took out and did them separately.

Here’s the final product

Look at it

Look at that shine

Before After

I really liked the process and I think this will be a new hobby of mine, refinishing furniture.

Pauvre Chic

2007-10-03T09:50:00.000-04:00

PAUVRE CHIC

Since moving into my first home, I’ve noticed that all the rooms look sparse, well just as sparse as my bank account. But I am determined to live within or below my income bracket, which means that I have to find a way to furnish and make my house a home with little money as possible. I’ve dubbed this operation Pauvre Chic, pauvre meaning poor in French. The first thing I did was take an inventory per room as to what I needed and wanted.

Master Bedroom:

Needs	Wants
Split Queen Size Boxspring (can’t get my boxspring up the stairs a common problem in bmore)	Better Mini-blinds
Dresser	Wooden Queen size bed frame
Mirror	Storage Chest/Ottoman
Night stand	Frame to hold this African Art piece
	Drapes
	Better Paint

Second Bedroom:

Needs	Wants
A twin or double bed	New Paint color
Same size boxspring	Mini-blinds
Same size frame
Night stand
Mirror
Linens for Bed

Small Bedroom/Office:

Needs	Wants
	New Paint
	Mini-Blinds

Living Room:

Needs	Wants
	Love seat
	Entertainment center or TV Armoire
	Artwork
	New paint color
	Accent Pillows
	Throws
	Accent furnishings
	Get futon cover for futon mattress
	Want new paint
	Mini-blinds

As you can see I have a lot of wants, and not a lot of “needs”. So adhering to my pauvre chic I have been on find and acquire mode trying to get the things I want. Some costs are unavoidable, paint, and mini-blinds. But everything else I’m getting for little to no money now. Below are some items I’ve gotten for free:

This queen size bed frame I got from freecycle a listserv that helps people give and get stuff for free from people who are trying to either acquire or get rid of stuff. The only issue is that when the lady was trying to disassemble the bed frame part of the wood that attached to the side railing came off too. All that means is that I’m going to have to screw a piece of wood there in order to use it, for my bedroom. This will be stained a “Bombay Mahogany” color.

Here is one of the two night stands I got again from freecycle, notice the stain at the bottom. The game plan here is to sand and stain the night stand and the rest of the bedroom furniture to make it look like “set”.

This is the Ethan Allen dresser and mirror combo I received, you guessed it from freecycle. Now even though this was free, I paid a guy 75 to help me transport and to use his truck to do so, it was worth every penny. This has been stained.

What’s not pictured is the queen sized futon frame that I got from freecycle, but I had to break down and pay for the mattress which cost me 169.

Also I’ve painted my bedroom bleached denim it’s the color on the walls behind the dresser and the queen sized frame photos.

The next “big purchase” for me is unfortunately going to be a queen size split boxspring. I really don’t want to buy one, but no one is giving them away and I don’t have any ideas as to how else to get support for my mattress.

Another thing I’m getting is African-American inspired or created art. Below are some examples I’m going to get. But besides art I want African Diaspora relics, one in particular are the manumission (freedom) papers of former slaves or copies thereof, which I just so happened to find!

Baby Drama

2007-10-01T10:50:00.000-04:00

Here is something simple: I am going to have three children. I have always known I’m going to have three children, 2 girls and one boy. As life has a tendency to do, there have been some twists in turns. Namely, my realization that I am gay, but that does not mean I don’t or won’t have kids. Just a mere hurdle I have to overcome. Another hurdle is the HIV infection rate in the DC metro area for my demographic is high as hell. Yes I know if you use a condom that dramatically cuts down the chances, but it only takes one time. But the odds are not stacked in my favor when it comes to that realistically. Which means, if I become HIV infected I know I could pass that onto my children, I would not do that to them. I will not let a mistake I made impact that lives of the innocent. Plus what happens if I die before I have a child that means my lineage ends with me. A sad thought but one I have to think about, but there is one way for me to mitigate these risks. Two words: Sperm Bank, yes banking my sperm for future use, I know it sounds weird but I’ve been researching banking sperm at Cryobanks. For me it seems as if it’s the best option. It allows me to bank my sperm for future use, the way they bank sperm there is no “shelf life” as to when the sperm has to be used by, so in theory I can bank the sperm today and 20 years from now I can have kids.

But the cost to do this is EXPENSIVE 35 dollars a month for a storage fee, isn’t bad but the cost for everything else is HIGH.

Initial consultation $150- WTF is this for, I know what I want, can’t you tell me this over the phone for free?

Analysis & Collection $275- Okay, I agree with this I mean this is how they make their coins.

Blood work $120- To make sure everything is copasetic; they said I can get this done elsewhere, as long as they get the results. Can’t I go to a general doctor and get them to do that when they do my general health exam, and doesn’t health insurance pay for this?

Analysis & Collection $275- See why I have to make two deposits?

I guess this is like insurance, just in case something goes wrong. Now, after I do this, I just have to find a baby’s mother. Below are photos of physical type of baby mothers I will be on the look out.

Now as far as traits, must be afro-centric meaning that they know about their culture. Preferably both parents of African-American descent, someone who is professionally motivated, but gives back to the community in some way shape or form. No artists, singers, actors, or entertainers. Basically someone who if I died I would feel completely comfortable knowing that my children were going to be raised in a manner that I would raise them as well.

Just my thoughts

WOW

2007-10-01T10:18:00.000-04:00

Wow,

Wow is the only way to describe how my life has been going. Previously, life has been quiet a few things here and there but for the most part quiet. Now, life has been very active so to speak. I guess the best way to go about explaining it is to describe it is to take a week by week.

Week 1

My job flew me out to Omaha, to take part in a planning meeting. Omaha is pretty cool I must insert photos. I actually wouldn’t mind living there, except that the winters are bitterly cold and brutal in a way that my Black Ass could not take. The meeting could have been better but hey, I got a free trip out of it. Plus while out there I went to this great butcher shop about bought two sampler packs consisting of: two filet mignons, two NY strip steaks, and two flank steaks for a grand total of 28 each! One for my mom and one for myself.

Week 2

I had already planned a month in advance to go take July 16^th off to visit my Mom, so after flying back into Omaha, picking up my cat who I have named Haile Selassie (can you just see my pumping my black fist in the air). I got a quick nights rest, and then I was off driving back home. With meat from Omaha, copies of my Mom’s high school yearbook, all four years from college, college newspaper clippings, magazine aritlce that mentioned my Mom in the Ivy Leaf magazine with a photo of my Mom the day after she crossed, and a letter to the Editor published in the New York Times she wrote in 1979. I was extremely nervous as to how she would react, prior to this I knew she was feeling depressed about her life and how certain things had turned out. So I knew there could be only one to of two ways it could go, really good or really bad. My mitigan strategy was that I bought food, her favorite type of cake, and was trying to surprise her. Well the surprise didn’t go as planned because she was in her office when was was supposed to be out. But she did break down and cry, and was just so amazed that I had gone through the trouble of finding those things. After that we had dinner, and went to the movies to see the latest Harry Potter film. After that I drove up to Fairfax VA for a three day training that I was going to be a part of on how to write “Winning Proposals”. It was intesrsting definelty learned a lot that is directly applicable to the work that I currently am tasked to achieve. After the last day, this woman came up who was in the training gave me her business card, and talked about how her company is hiring and that she’ll email me with the job descriptions and whatnot. I told her flat out that I am content where I am, but if something better comes along hey I’m all ears.

Week 3

This was to be the start of me getting back on my work out regime. So I go to the gym at 7 am and did some cardio, abs, and chest. Took a shower at the gym and I headed out the door around 9 so I could get to work by 9:30. Get to my building and something is wrong with the keyless entry so I have to wait until someone comes down there. Already not a good start to the day. I get to my floor and the V.P. and a new Director are there looking very busy. After making pleasenties the V.P. tells me that they need to taolk to me about the class I took, once I get settled. I don’t get three bites of my bagel before he summons me to the conference room. There I found that my supervisor has decided to leave the company (honestly I think it was one of those they are going to fire me so I’m going to beat them to the punch), and that there is some immediate work mainly a proposal that is due by the end of the week along with a corporate capabilbites statement that is due by 4 pm today. The VP then tells me with that they don’t think my boss will work his full three week notice period, and that I with the help of one other person have to do get these things accomplished. So I spend all of Monday working on this corporate capabilities statement to get it accomplished. Then the rest of the week is spent along with the director who helped tremendously, putting in 12 and more hour days to get this proposal completed.

Week 4

So after the hellish week is over, you’d think things would calm down. Not really because now in week four there were not only two more proposals that needed to be worked but also other things needed to be done for my job. Needless to say, I am not going to gym, not really eating right, and just overall a mess. Things are getting done but at what expense? I am honestly not getting paid enough to do what I am doing. While I was being interviewed there were supposed to be two people to do the job of proposal writer so we could really do most of the writing and it would not be so burdensome. Now there are two people, myself and a director, but she is also charged with having to do her “real job” as well, so as much help as she is, what happens when her other duties begin to supercede this? So my plan is to find out the pay range, and interview and get a job offer with another company doing the same type work, at an agency that does similar to mine. Then go to my company ask for more money, lay out why, show them the increase in responsibility from what I was currently hired for, and if no, then I will be prepared to give them my three weeks notice. The only thing is that I would have to pay them back for the training they sent me to which is a total of 2k.

Weeks 5-7

I got a job offer paying about 15k more than what I get paid now. Its two blocks away from where I used to live in Northern VA. The commute will be longer but hey you do what you go to do. At my present job, gave them my three weeks notice understandably they were upset but oh well. I'm ready for a change and I haven't been to the gym since July 4th. Coincidentally, my eating habits are horrible. Thank God its the fall so I can work in this flab and get back into shape. This time in my life has been many, many, many things.

Just my thoughts

Psalm 73

2007-08-06T10:26:00.000-04:00

I remain calm reading the 73rd Psalm....

The Fate of the Wicked

A Psalm of Asaph.

Truly God is good to Israel,

even to such as are of a clean heart.

But as for me, my feet were almost gone;

my steps had well-nigh slipped.

For I was envious at the foolish,

when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

For there are no bands in their death:

but their strength is firm.

They are not in trouble as other men;

neither are they plagued like other men.

Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain;

violence covereth them as a garment.

Their eyes stand out with fatness:

they have more than heart could wish.

They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression:

they speak loftily.

They set their mouth against the heavens,

and their tongue walketh through the earth.

Therefore his people return hither:

and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.

And they say, How doth God know?

And is there knowledge in the Most High?

Behold, these are the ungodly,

who prosper in the world;

they increase in riches.

Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain,

and washed my hands in innocency.

For all the day long have I been plagued,

and chastened every morning.

If I say, I will speak thus;

behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

When I thought to know this,

it was too painful for me;

until I went into the sanctuary of God;

then understood I their end.

Surely thou didst set them in slippery places:

thou castedst them down into destruction.

How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment!

They are utterly consumed with terrors.

As a dream when one awaketh;

so, O Lord, when thou awakest,

thou shalt despise their image.

Thus my heart was grieved,

and I was pricked in my reins.

So foolish was I, and ignorant:

I was as a beast before thee.

Nevertheless I am continually with thee:

thou hast holden me by my right hand.

Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel,

and afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but thee?

And there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee.

My flesh and my heart faileth:

but God is the strength of my heart,

and my portion for ever.

For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish:

thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

But it is good for me to draw near to God:

I have put my trust in the Lord GOD,

that I may declare all thy works.

State of Hip-Hop

2007-08-04T21:30:00.000-04:00

State of Hip-Hop

Hip-Hop isn’t dead, but Coonery and Buffoonery are taking the limelight. Hip-Hop since its inception has been fundamentally an art form born out of a northern African Diaspora experience. In many ways Hip-Hop, is the reaction to the death of the Civil Rights movement. Many believe that if Martin Luther King Jr. had not been murdered he was poised to take on the northern more discrete but deeply harmful racism and discrimination that permeated the North. Many of the situations such as inadequate housing, horrible school systems, lack of jobs, and lack of economic opportunities, became the fertile ground in which Hip-Hop was born. Many urban slums during the inception of Hip-Hop resembled Kosovo, and Afghanistan rather than the United States.

What Hip-Hop did was serve as a means of escape, literally, and figuratively coloring the very living situations. Pioneers played records, made songs, and sampled up tempo songs that as basically party music. Unlike the party music of today, the songs then had an urban sensibility that an underling ethos of Hip-Hop.

“Wipe Me Down”, “Ay Bay Bay”, “Crank Dat Souljah Boy” are just examples of what currently constitutes what is being played and used as Hip-Hop. While yes like songs of the past, these are nothing more than party songs with catchy beats. But these songs display a very southern notion of their interpretation of Hip-Hop. Quite frankly, its just bad, none of these songs have any real word play, metaphors, similes, or other literally devices that other times in Hip-Hop artists have employed regardless of the type of songs they song. These rappers also do not display a desire to buy themselves into the signs of wealth currently defining one as successful. Previously a designer label, high end car, and houses which were things that people across the board could relate in their desire to attain. But with this southern interpretation of Hip-Hop there is a lack of designer and a fixation on poor southern signs of wealth, jewelry in their mouth, moderately priced but brightly colored clothing, and revamped cars.

I cannot say this new southern interpretation of Hip-Hop is going to be regarded highly in retrospect. I just can’t see 20 years from now people playing “Ay Bay Bay” and “Crank Dat Souljah Boy” with the same vigor and love as people play “OPP”, “Rappers Delight”, or any Run-DMC project. But everything serves its purpose, maybe southern Hip-Hop will coalesce a renaissance of Hip-Hop, or maybe it’s the loud obnoxious death rattle.

Just in case you are not familiar with the songs I'm talking about here they are:

"Ay Bay Bay"

"Crank Dat Souljah Boy"

"Wipe Me Down"

Why Fight It

2007-08-04T21:15:00.000-04:00

We all have habits, modes of behavior, and stereotypes that we try hard not to fit in for one reason or another. Some Whites go out of their way to demonstrate how much they appreciate and love the diversity that is everywhere. While some Blacks disdain foods typically associated with Black people and in turn with being poor, i.e. swine, and chitterlings. The list can go on and on, but what would happen if you stopped fighting something you either consciously or sub-consciously were fighting? Would you be happier, more content, or just be in the same situation that you currently are in. With me, one of the things I’ve been fighting is being associated with Africans, and in turn dating Africans. Part of it stems from my own insecurities about being half African, and my earliest interactions with Africans been very traumatic.

I remember there was this guy who was really enchanted, yes bitches, enchanted with me. He was half Indian, half African, and fully identified with being African and barely ever talked about being Indian. Nothing would ever happen between us, he was married, of course to a half African & half Black woman, with twin boys. I play no one’s sideline hoe, but we would talk. One day we were talking, and he brought up the topic of my problems in the dating scene. So he said that I needed to date an African, well not just any African, one that came from the same “class” as my own African side. His rationale was that my interests are varied and aren’t really tied to the Black experience, and an African man would be a better fit due to their varied interests. I didn’t buy it, because I was not raised in an African environment, I only identify with being African when it’s advantageous to do so.

Recently though I have started to deal with a few, I must admit it does seem easier. Each one of them has a lot more going for them then the average Black guy, but then again none of these are average. Nothing has really come out of dealing with any of them, but it’s been somewhat different. There are those cultural differences that are present, and my eventual disclosure that I’m half African doesn’t really seem to have any effect positive or neutral. So we’ll see how it goes.

Me & Hip-Hop

2007-07-05T08:56:00.000-04:00

I have been writing! Just not writing my blog, while being broke I responded to a Craigslist ad to write articles for an online Hip-Hop magazine. Now, what most of you don’t know is that I have always had a deep love and appreciation for all the elements of Hip-Hop and the artists thereof. So I responded to the ad, sent the guy a link to my blog, so I guess he knows I’m gay, and he put me to work. To date, I’ve interviewed more than a handful of artists all with varying levels of success. Some have been doing guerilla marketing and promotion to get their name out to everyone, and hoping that something will spark their “big break”. Others have had their big break but no one still knows there names, and that they are trying to cement their status into the ranks of contemporary Hip-Hop notables. Then there is another kind, the kind that has enjoyed quiet Hip-Hop success, the type that they can walk down the street and not get noticed, but walk into the studio and all eyes are on them. So far some have been on the dramatic side, others have been so laid back that I wanted to check them for a pulse, others acted as if they had recently had a lobotomy. But none of them have been mean, well at least not yet, all have been gracious understanding the power and influence that writers have to paint you as either the biggest underground hype or the biggest no talent asshole since inception.

I’m thinking of contacting other Hip-Hop magazines, and starting to go to Hip-Hop shows in the DC area and write reviews on them so that I can a wider range of topics within the Hip-Hop world. The next interviewer is going to definitely get questions concerning gays and women in the Hip-Hop industry. Have I found a new hobby, and is there a way of making money doing this? I guess only time will tell.

Below are the links to all the articles that I have written for so far

http://schememag.com/hip-hop/consequence/
http://schememag.com/hip-hop/sean-kingston-time-travellin/
http://schememag.com/daily-news/zuhkan-bey-risky-business/
http://schememag.com/daily-news/jperiod-mixtape-classics/
http://schememag.com/daily-news/u-n-i-the-other-cali/
http://schememag.com/fresh/jeremy-weisfied-deep-crates-part-ii/
.

I need help & Thank you Bmore....Two Postings in 1

2007-07-02T08:24:00.000-04:00

I think I need professional help, I think I need to go to therapy. Partly, because I feel as if I need someone to talk to, but also because I have a lot of unresolved issues within myself that I think are impairing my relationships with others. For instance, I feel like I am emotionally dead. Doesn’t that sound dramatic, maybe not dead but dormant because I don’t really feel anything anymore. I remember a time when I used to be truly happy, and could laugh with abandonment, cry one of those good cries that make you fall asleep afterwards, or just got excited when a guy called when he said he did. Now I just don’t feel anything, maybe I have been through so much that I have used closing my emotions as a defense mechanism.

But besides that, I keep most people at bay, giving them the illusion that they know me. I can talk about anything I’m going through no matter how personal with anyone, and never feel close to any of them. Maybe I need professional help, I will be exploring the professional help over the summer. I know that there are places where one can go to receive free treatment but a lot of the services that are free are not really the best out there. Plus for good service that means that I would have to pay last time I checked a good psychotherapist costs about 90 an hour. I don’t know how much the health coverage covers as, something else to look into.

Just my thoughts

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So its been nearly seven months since my move to Baltimore, and its been a mixed bag. Granted I have accomplished a goal that I set for myself, put down roots literally (i.e. my garden), been social with my neighbors, and even recommended my real estate agent to one of the investors I have met. Cool but I’m still pretty detached from Baltimore, I really don’t know anyone here, I don’t go out to any of the festivities, and I rarely go to Druid Hill Park which is literally a block away from my house. Part of the blame is that I work in DC, so I really don’t meet people who live in Baltimore. But that’s merely an excuse, hell the real reason why is pretty much I don’t care to meet people. On a not so deep level I am more than happy living a solitary life, at times it gets lonely and being an hour or more from people seems to be a nuisance but for the most part I am content.

Unlike in DC when I felt obligated to go out meet people and take advantage of all that DC has to offer with Baltimore I don’t feel that drive at all. The only organization that I am interested in joining in Baltimore is the neighborhood or block association. The reasoning behind that is, I want know what is going on, and to have a say on any economic development opportunities that my neighborhood can be apart of.

Maybe its me maturing, or maybe its depression, but I just really don’t give a fuck. I’m good, I know that Baltimore is not the end of the road for me I goal is to live in NYC after I get my masters. So Baltimore is serving its purpose, a place to lay my head.

Thank you Baltimore.

Ballroom Interview: Winston Prodigy

2007-06-29T09:41:00.001-04:00

The first time I saw Winston Prodigy, it was at a barbershop across the street from Howard University on Georgia Ave, the Saturday before the Evisu Ball. I was there getting ready to go to my first ball, and of course going to any gay event one must have the cleanest cut, and freshest line up. Winston didn’t really stand out to me, the only reason I remembered him was that he was in front of me for the barber I was waiting on. Then while standing in line to get into the Evisu Ball, as my female cousin Bookie, was over there trying to flirt with whom we would find out was Icon Dray Ebony, I saw the same guy from the barbershop. Thinking to myself what a coincidence, then after the ball was underway I remember his performance for the All-American Runway category, he possessed a poise and a stature that seemed oddly out of place for one who appeared so young.

To describe Winston Prodigy is to describe a generation of young African-American gay and bisexual men, he accepts his sexuality but his acceptance does not compromise his masculinity, not out of fear of appearing effeminate but so that he may accept all parts of who he is. One only needs to look at his choice of category. All-American Runway, is one of few performance categories in the ballroom scene that celebrates masculinity. Winston’s ballroom career started in 2004 after being introduced to the scene via a friend who would, watch DVD’s and attend balls. From there Winston became Winston Balenciaga, who was urged to walk Schoolboy Realness. “Being new you don’t know everything…Gray Aga, talked to me about the All American Runway category… Kai Aga, was the first person for him to see walk the category, from there I fell in love with the category, and everything else is history.” History is right, in his short tenure Winston has made a name for himself as becoming a formidable competitor for heavyweights in the category, like newly dubbed Legend Derrick Allure. When speaking about Derrick, Winston answers “honestly I look towards Derrick for inspiration, when thinking about an effect I think what would Derrick do to make it creative and stand out.” But at the same time Winston uses his own aesthetic when making an effect “how can I make this stand out, how can I make it be different, how can I make it be me, how can I make it be Winston.” Most notably would be Winston’s 2006 Latex Ball, “[for the] first time I put my own effect together without anyone's help. People were shocked, and proud of me…. that in turn made me proud of myself. I got a lot of attention.”

“All American Runway is three categories in one. Realness you have to masculine, two is Best Dressed. You have to best dressed be nice and clean cut, and last of course runway, which must be crisp have a masculine stride.” After attending a few balls there was a noticeable trend that, when All-American Runway and European Runway battle for the grand prize, often times it seems that not only the judges but the crowd were far more interested in European Runway. A noticeable exception is when Derrick Allure battled for Grand Prize at the Inauguration Ball, but his win could also be attributed to the fact that in the final battle, he went from All-American to European back to All-American. I posed this question to Winston asking him does All-American Runway gets shaded, “I don't think it gets shaded, but more looked over, if its an American vs. a European, just pumping with a feminine walk, I think the judges forget what is American really is, the European runway is more exciting.” When asked what was the draw for him to do All-American Runway Winston responds with “I like the masculinity of the category, I enjoy watching European, and like the creativity of all American, I admire to keep some masculinity into the ballroom.” The ballroom scene is one of the few avenues that celebrate both the masculine and the feminine aesthetic inherent in every person. But one only needs to look at the ball’s category list, most categories have a feminine ethos. Part of this may be attributed to in the gay community, and the larger Western Culture’s pre-occupation with celebrating the masculine ideal, and the ballroom is reacting against that providing men with a “cunty” outlet to express and celebrate the inherent feminine nature that resides in everyone to varying degrees.

Going to balls, turning your category, and achieving goals outside of the ballroom seems that it would be a hard balancing act, one that many people would find themselves having to make pivotal decisions as to where to devote their attention to fully. Do they devote it to a scene or the real world, and which one in the end will have the greatest reward for the amount of effort put in. Winston admits that its very hard, at times and they at times conflict, "the best way is I try to create ballroom time, and real life time, real life come first always.” To further re-iterate this point, when asked what are his plans for himself in the next five years “Ballroom I want to be one top runners for American Runway, possibly a statement on the road to legendary status. [Having] acquired BS from College Park at least in my field, working in HR, being successful making my family proud.” When, not if, Winston achieves these goals not only will he be breaking various stereotypes of young African-American men, and those of ballroom participants, as well. Too often the stereotypes of both are the same, pre-occupation with consumer goods, too focused on short term gratification and not the long term. Turning it in the ballroom scene is one thing, but turning it in life is another matter entirely, and Winston is set to do both.

Word Association

Derrick Allure................My Hero for American Runway

Preparation...................Time consuming

Passion..........................Love

Excellence.....................Prodigy

True Icon.......................Eric Christian Bizarre

Knot...............................someone DESPERATELY Wanting to fit in

Is it Shade?

2007-06-24T00:43:00.000-04:00

Is it shade:

Like I have stated earlier in postings DC is what I like to call, Dirty City. Not for the people being dirty, but their actions. For young gay black men the rate of HIV infection is greater in DC than it is in various parts of sub-Saharan Africa. But another way the Dirty City nickname applies is how the nation’s capital politics, instead of doing the bidding of the people. The DC government does the bidding of some of the newer residents in DC. DC for the past decade has been undergoing a gentrification renaissance of sorts, whereby more yuppies move into the district for its cosmopolitan feel, great public transportation, and for many the housing market is cheaper than in the DC metropolitan area. But yuppies seem to forget that they live in an urban city with many of the issues and amusements of an urban area. It’s ironic that many of the reasons that yuppies move to DC or any urban city are the very things that they try to get rid of once they become residents. Perfect example is DC’s lack of gay night life, in the past DC was known for its gay nightclubs, bars, and adult amusements. But when the yuppies started clamoring for a fucking baseball team, yes a damn baseball team, seemingly oblivious to the fact that DC a football, basketball, soccer, hockey, and women’s basketball league. In order to accommodate the yuppies, DC politicos basically bullied many of the gay venues, located in SW to make room for a baseball stadium, and a parking lot.

Recently one of the more infamous venues that was shut down to make way for the yuppie interest, the Glorious Health and Amusement Club (read adult bookstore), re-opened in May of 2007 in NE under the name 2120. But as of Tuesday the 28^th of June, club 2120 is being shut down. Why, you guessed it yuppie interests. Well, at first that’s what I thought, but to be more specific its not just yuppies in general, most are too squeamish to really deal with gay sex and adult venues. It has more so to do with gay yuppies, the DuPont, Logan Circle type. Now you’re probably saying to yourself it would seem that gay yuppies would be for a gay adult themed anything. Well easy, see the Glorious Health Club, aka the follies, was predominately a spot where the black gays would go. Yes there would be a few non blacks in the crowd but it was pretty much unspoken that black gays and those who had a fetish for them would go to follies, while white gays and their admirers would go to Crew Club, and Men’s Parties. It would stand to reason that club 2120 would attract the same crowd. Now, some are probably thinking that I’m some gay black militant out to think that white gays in DC are hell bent on riding the city of black gays.

Think about this, DC is very much a southern city; many whites and black regardless of orientation do not intermix outside of work and work related activities. Also, I have frequented white gay clubs in various cities, and I have never gotten the distinct impression that I am out of place and my presence is not welcomed as when I have been to the white gay clubs in DC. My friends who have been to the Crew Club have even felt the twinge of racism there as well. Couple this with the fact that many of the arguments that are now being used to shut down club 2120, i.e. it possess a health risk, the owner misrepresented what type of establishment it is, and pretty much the good old “not in my backyard” arguments, are all arguments that would be even more applicable to the Crew Club and to Men’s Parties. While the Crew Club has a tasteful website, ads in the local gay newspapers, and bills itself as a gym, it is located within three blocks of the Whitman Walker Clinic and Headquarters, an organization helping those living with HIV/AIDS. It also is in the heart of one of the most sought after communities in DC, Logan Circle, a short walk to Downtown, and DuPont Circle as well.

Ironically Men’s Parties is located even closer to Whiteman Walker and it’s in the same highly prized neighborhood. So why are these places that peddle smut, and sex, not undergoing the same scrutiny or push to get them out of such neighborhoods, easy their clientele is white.

White gays are quickly becoming the new minorities in power in DC, many of the neighborhoods in DC such as U Street Cardoza, Capitol Hill, Deanwood, Trinidad, and of course DuPont have benefited from the white gay yuppie influx. Accordingly, DC responds and keeps venues that cater to them open regardless of the type of venue.

DC used to be called Chocolate City, and coincidentally also known as the Black Gay Mecca. Now things are changing, with the high tide of gentrification, its now threatening to push out gay blacks from the city and the region by its decrease in affordable housing opportunities, lack of recreational activities that cater to the Black gay culture, and the lack of inclusion into the larger gay dialogue as well. Hopefully I’m being overly dramatic and completely off the mark here, but the closing of club 2120 is merely a sign of the times, next thing you know they will be trying to close the Delta Elite as well.

Just my thoughts

Ballroom Interview: Jacen Prodigy

2007-06-22T09:30:00.000-04:00

Hated by many, Wanted by plenty, Despised by some, but Confronted by none.

Jacen Prodigy, few other names in the ballroom scene seem to cause such a furor after every win. There are those who argue that he lacks all of the elements of face. While some claim that he is just as if not more viable than any BQ walking face. One thing everyone agrees on, is that no one sells it like Jacen. Understanding that any and every word written about him would be highly scrutinized, it is with this knowledge that I meekly asked for an interview with Jacen. Fully expecting him to say no, but to my surprise that did not happen. A reply came back stating he was busy, but he wanted to do the interview, after he read previous articles that had been written. Fair enough, later on that week I got another reply stating that he would do the interview along with his contact information. Thinking to myself well now there is no turning back, from there I called Mr. Jacen Prodigy.

In the course of the conversation what I found out about him was something unexpected, a man who is incredibly passionate about the Ballroom scene, his category, and candidly honesty about himself. While walking through the Galleria mall in Philly in 1999, Jacen was approached by Alverian Prestige to start modeling for Prestige Entertainment. From there Jacen found himself walking the Grand March for the 1999 Prestige Ball, at the time walking for Pretty boy Realness. It was not until the Crystal Ball in 2000, that he walked Face, and from there started the makings of an unstoppable Face force.

“[I’m] always the center of controversy, at the beginning I didn’t get it, but now I do.” Being self aware and able to capitalize on controversy are traits that Jacen has mastered. Look at what he calls runway shade “there are times that I will read all the face kids… if I read I have to see you.” Which is true; if someone is not your equal or competition why waste the time and effort? In a way reading someone, gives them life for you care enough about them to mention their name. Runway shade has become part in parcel with the Jacen Prodigy product, his rationale is, “you have to entertain the judges, make them get into you.”

Entertaining the Judges and the creation of the Jacen Prodigy persona has fared him well, garnering Icon Ball (NYC) in 2007, Milan Ball (ATL) " Wipe Out" 2007, Grand Prize Team Face with Mother Stasha Mugler at the New York Awards Ball 2007, Dorian Corey Awards Ball 2006 BQ Face of the Year, Dorian Corey Awards Ball 2006 Philadelphia's Finest, Midwest Awards Ball Statement of the Year 2006, Dorian Corey Statement of the Year 2006, Statement Award Of The Year New York City Awards Ball 2007, and Philadelphia's Finest Of the Year 2007, along with a host of accolades, and grand prizes from 2005-1999. Delving a little deeper into the face category I wanted to get into who are is his current favorite, thoughts on paint, hormones, how he prepares, and the color complex as it related to his category. When asked who his favorite face kid of the moment, Jacen pointedly says “Josh Milan...because to me, he has so much energy, his attitude, and his presence. When Josh walks he causes pandemonium.”

One of the constant criticisms of not only Jacen but of all the BQ’s that compete for face is that they are so heavily made up that they diminish the integrity of the category by wearing making or paint as its called. Critics point out that painting gives those users an unfair advantage over those who are “natural” beauties". “You can’t paint a beast into something lovely, paint only enhances what you have," according to Jacen but he does add that “some need to lay low on the bronzer.” One can understand the desire to use paint it provides a certain security that; if your skin is not at its best that day does that mean your face is deniable due to one day? This led to the next question what you do to prepare for the face category. Unlike Voguing, Runway, or Performance categories, face with the exception of face performance is not something you can learn to do. You either have it or you don’t.

“Maintaining yourself, the proper diet, proper water, its more involved [than] just a mask. It's more than the right skin products, you have to know what works for you” was Jacen’s response, but when looking at the face kids, there seems to be something more than just taking care of yourself and preserving your sexy, as Diddy would say. So I pressed further asking for what does Jacen do specifically, he says “I don’t really have regiment, when it comes to preparation microdermabrasion, a lot of relaxation.” This seems plausible because stress is a known reason for people to break out, but does maintaining ones face mean that you cannot go out, drink, or indulge in life’s excess to that end Jacen said “at the end of the day, its not many face legends, a lot of people don’t maintain their look.”

Another criticism of Face category is that it reinforces the stereotypes of Anglo-Saxon beauty, whereby those who have Anglo-Saxon features such as, light skin, lighter eye color, and smaller features are praised. I posed this question to Jacen, because Jacen is one of the few non light skin face kids currently who consistently win, so it would be interesting to hear what he would have to say. According to Jacen, its hard for anyone regardless of complexion to get life in the ballroom scene for face, he pointed out Gisele Xtraganza and Paris Miyake-Mugler, both of which he thinks are beautiful, but do not get their proper accolades within the scene.

With so many Butch Queens vying for face, and most possessing the elements, of structure, nose, teeth, and skin, what sets Jacen apart, how does he keep winning? Yes he sells his face, but there are so many people who sell as well. Jacen says that he has “a universal face, I am blessed that I can pretty much do anything and it looks right,” meaning he can have finger waves, twists, or steel blue contact lenses, and anything else he wants. None of that can take away from his face, but it adds another dimension to it as well displaying his versatility. What keeps Jacen coming involved in the ballroom scene by his own admission is “the competitive drive…don’t realize how many people you touch, you never know who is watching”. Even though Jacen has won countless grand prizes, he is under the impression that he is “not a common favorite when it comes to BQ face”. But he understands that “a panel of people can tell me how attractive I am.” Truth, and all of its variations can never be denied, it can be talked about, minimized, and subjected to obstacles, but in the end truth and what is true will prevail. In this instance true face prevails, to his detractors, research golden ratio of beauty, and apply that to Jacen Prodigy. Jacen takes it all in stride knowing that, “they are going to talk about you regardless of what you do, good bad or indifferent.”

Word Association

Epitome of Face

Erksine Christian, Whitney Mugler, Ira Aphrodite

Dark & Lovely

Frank Excellence, Shancie Ebony, Temptress Chanel, Cheyenne Allure Dave Mugler

Shade

RR Chanel, Cabbage Ebony, Tony Milan

Favorite Category

Fem Queen Face, Fem Queen Performance, Performance Period

Passion

Fashion

Chameleon

Clips of Jacen Prodigy in action

*Note

Constructive Criticism is appreciated, but negativity will not. Please do not post negative, hurtful, or mean spirited items in the comment section.

Ballroom Interview: Dre Aga

2007-06-20T13:01:00.000-04:00

Columbus Day, the Evisu ball, I went with my best friend, we were there soaking up all that we could. Balls, being such a new and different world. But after the first three hours the novelty wore off, and the fact that neither one of us really took a decent nap set in. Then I remembered this category called “Realness with Twist”, on the flyer it had part one and part two. When the first part came about all I could see where a gaggle of short boys running up in line, I thought it was schoolboy realness redux. But part two I saw all these boys dressed up in pink, baby blue, yellow, and red. The most effeminate outfits from Forever 21, BeBe, and any other slutty girl store. So while I’m taking this all in, trying to fight the onslaught of fatigue, I see this guy who at first was wearing blue and then I see him again in a pink tutu. Then I see both images together and think to myself, “Shit, I’m seeing double, but why are they in two different outfits?”. Sad to say it wasn’t until the next day that I realized that they were twins. I recently got the opportunity to talk to one of the twins Dre Aga.

Below is the conversation that ensued.

When did you first become aware of the ballroom scene?

Dre: I first became aware of the ballroom scene through my gay father. He took me to my first ball in Philly back in 2003.

How did you get a gay father?

Dre: He actually asked me to be his gay son. He was a close

Why realness with a twist?

Dre: LOL...... actually it grew on me..... I use 2 hate watching vogue fem or realness with a twist.... and after hanging with people who vogued all the time, I started 2 become interested. So I use to play around with it and started to get better and better at it.

Okay what did you hate to watch it at first?

Dre: Because it seemed like everybody was just slamming their backs on the floor, and I didn't understand what they were doing.....

Cool, why realness with a twist as opposed to Vogue Fem?

Dre: I was already walking a realness category and I was doing it just for fun...... Vogue fem is a lot more experienced and precise and I felt like I wasn't that good, for vf [vogue femme].

Do you see yourself transitioning into vf anytime soon?

Dre: No...... I feel like I have a long way to go, I'm still learning new and different things.

What’s your ballroom high? What was your ballroom low?

Dre: Winning otys [Of the Year] every year since I began walking in the ballroom scene is my ballroom high.

What are the otys that you've won?

Dre: The otys I won...... schoolboy oty in Philly and New York and Virginia in 2004; Schoolboy oty in va and twist oty in va for 2005; Schoolboy oty in VA and Baltimore in 2006

My ballroom low...... hmmmmmmm..... the 2 times I was chopped when I began twist[ing]

Did you get chopped for the realness part or the twist part?

Dre: I got chopped for the twist part

Why the House of Balenciaga?

Dre: I chose Aga because I was attracted to how much of a family they was, before I was even part of the ballroom scene, they always treated me like I was part of the family. They made me feel welcomed even tho I wasn't a part of them.

Do you feel that, it still holds true?

Yes I think it stills hold true to this day.... we are all pretty close and have our ups and down like a real family.

Do you ever get frustrated when being referred to as the “twisting twin” or one of the two Aga twins?

Dre: LOL..... no, I'm use to it by now, I had to deal with being called twins for my whole life. Yeah.... it did use to bother me a lot..... because we did use to be compared all the time.... and that can b frustrating...... But now, a lot of people do know us apart from each other...... and its not as bad as it use to be......

For those outside of the scene how would you describe the scene?

Dre: I would say its our way to come together and enjoy ourselves in a recreational way. Its a way to express our own individuality and to show a creative side that we may or may not can show in real life....

Speaking of real life, outside of the ballroom scene, what are you trying to do?

Dre: I'm trying 2 be a successful person in life. To buy a home within a couple of years and 2 live comfortably..... Trying to travel to different places outside of the US, and to just enjoy life to the fullest.

Word Association Game

Ricky Allure

One of my favorite vogue fems, a great character to be around...

Balenciaga

My family.......

Passion

Is something you have to have to continue through out this scene for many years

Ambition

To always try 2 best that I can no matter what.....In whateva I do

Shade

When a person win over someone unwillingly or an attitude a person give, a "can't take" type of an attitude.....

DC scene

A developing scene with a lot of talent..... that is growing more and more..... may be the one of the next hottest areas for a ball......

Dre Aga in Action

Happy Father's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-18T10:32:00.001-04:00

Okay so I'm lonely, so I decided I wanted a dog. Then the real world set in, I do not have the time to devote to having a dog right now. So I decided on a kitten. Below is my kitten, from the animal shelter I picked up. I don't have a name for him yet, any suggestions?

Too tired to comment on the POCC Ball here are photos

2007-06-18T09:20:00.001-04:00

Notice the daylight....

Colorful Boots

The kids outside waiting around 1 pm to get into the ball

I was trying to take a photo of the street, and this guy, who I later found out was Sammy Ebony looked dead into the camera. LOL

Don't know her name but she was cute

Mother Luna Khan

Caliente Mizrahi was in the building

Selvin Mizrahi came out, notice the ripped jeans

Selvin showing off the back of the ripped jeans, question I saw alot of 80's stuff in NY, is that coming back?

An unclear photo of Jacques Mizrahi

The start of a curiously short Stars, Statement, and Legends

I have no idea what's going on here...

Falling into a dip

Deshaun Evisu on the mike, again 80's fashion

DaShaun chanting....

Mother Giselle Xtrava ascending the walkway

Mother Giselle, giving the crowd what they want

Father Javier Xtrava showing how one earns status

Jlin Evisu, being called out

Showing off the bag and the baubbles

Tygur Khan flexing for crowd

Can't remember his name, he's a Ninja who was on ANTM from LA

Danielle Ninja on the stage

Danielle falling into a soft dip

Danielle looking like she's in a trance

I forgot his first name, someone please help me, he's a prodigy

Realness with a Twist Prodigy

Kim Whitfield duckwalking I tried to get a photo of her when she dipped, on beat

Another Realness with a Twist production

Another realness with a Twist Production

Sorry after that, I had to go back home to Bmore, a brother does have to work

Garden

2007-06-14T12:35:00.001-04:00

STEP ONE:
When I first bought my house, I was excited because for the first time in pretty much 4 or more years, I would be able to garden, which is one my hobbies. I knew the backyard had never, ever been really taken care of, so I put down plastic sheets to help kill the weeds. I hadn't planned on encountering these BeBe Kid weeds, that didn't die but multiplied. As you can them poking out of the plastic.

STEP TWO:
I then cleared all the weeds, leveled the ground, bought bags of top soil, soil conditioner, ground fertilizer, and mulch. After infusing all these products I had finally a nice start. You can still see some weeds, grass and etc there.

STEP THREE:
That same night, you can tell by the darkness, with the help of two neighborhood kids who wanted to help, I planted 4 different types of tomatoes, two strawberry plants, and on the other side thyme, basil, rosemary and mint.
STEP FOUR:
After watering, getting the plants Miracle Grow you can see the sage, thyme, rosemary, cilantro, and other plants growing.
STEP FOUR CONTINUED:
On the other side of the walkway, you see cayenne plants, trini pepper plants, bell pepper plants, tomatoes, strawberries.
STEP FIVE:
My first harvest three ripe strawberries I grew.

As my garden grows except to see more photos....

Spotlight: DJ Prodigy

2007-06-08T15:55:00.000-04:00

DJ Prodigy Family Man

DJ Prodigy is a family man, whether its his ballroom family or his biological family, both families have been instrumental to molding the DJ Prodigy that knows. Verrell Chanel DJ Prodigy’s cousin, was the first to take DJ to a ball, in 2004. At first DJ did not like what he saw, but with more exposure to the scene, the urge to walk increased. Deciding to walk realness with a twist, was again due to his family, namely his cousin who is also a twister. Twisting came easy for DJ, due to his dance background, growing up he had been involved in school plays, dance recitals, and ballroom dancing.

When asked to describe the Chicago Scene, DJ Prodigy’s sense of family is evident once more, “the group of people I was introduce to in the Chicago scene were family oriented”. Part of this can be explained by the fact that Chicago does not get a constant influx of people from the ballroom scene like, New York, Atlanta, and Philly on a constant basis. People from other ballroom communities do participate in balls in Chicago, but not at the same level as they do in the aforementioned communities. Thereby, Chicago’s scene fosters a sense of community because it was, created for Chicago, and participants live in Chicago as well.

DJ Prodigy took the family ethos when deciding which house to belong to, “Going back to my cousin [who] was a Prodigy at the time, and [they are] very family oriented, make you feel right at home. Once I got the feel of that, I wanted to be a Prodigy, very cool house very nice individuals. ”

Even outside of the ballroom scene, DJ Prodigy is family oriented, with his biological family as well, for example on Mother’s Day he cooked Chicken Parmesan meal from scratch as a present. Focusing on family and in turn surrounding yourself with people who earnestly care about you, not only serves as vital to your self esteem, also is a grounding mechanism that helps one keep things in perspective, which is evident with DJ Prodigy. When asked how he feels about those who use the accolades and adjuration of the ballroom scene as means of self-validation, DJ responds with, “everyone should be humble when receiving accolades, that weren’t promised to you…or in life period.” This humility is easy to understand in those who do not do well in the scene, but for someone who has received a total of five of the years, Midwest Awards Ball Twister for year, Midwest People’s Choice Twister of the Year, Philly Twister, New York Twister, and Chicago’s Finest in New York, it speaks volumes of his character.

DJ Prodigy is a prime example of big things coming in small packages, not only is he turning his category, but he does not define himself by his wins or losses, by his heart and his integrity. Whether it be laughing at rumors questioning his small stature in height, or honing his skill, DJ Prodigy is young man poised to turn it, in future both in life and the ballroom scene.

Word Association

Crafting Different strokes for Different folks

Fights Dangerous

Misconception Alot

Humility Tim Tim Milan

Seedy Not Fond Of

Hard Work Myself

Love My father

Note: Constructive Criticism is fine, negativity will not be tolerated. Any hateful, personal attacks on individuals profiled will be deleted.

Examples of DJ Prodigy at Work

Follow Through

2007-06-04T10:27:00.000-04:00

After I first crossed, and was close to a few gay Greeks, one day we were just talked about dating, and it got to me & someone asked me to describe my love life. After taking a deep sigh, and thinking for a second, trying to put it into words a part of my life that often leaves me speechless I came up with the perfect analogy. “My love life is like the pledge process” I said. I went further and explained that every season it seems that a new crop of prospects pop up from out of no place and I go from not having one single prospect but to having on average five to six. This I deem the interest meeting phase, all of sudden a lot of people have interest and seemingly look like viable candidates.

From there to get on line, you have to have certain requirements, in the NPHC orgs you need the right GPA, recommendation letters, money, etc, etc. But with me you need to be HIV negative, got things going for yourself, and not surrounded by drama. Using this criterion about 2 people drop or stop calling, which to me is no loss because hey those are attributes that I am not willing to compromise on. After that everyone is put on pre-pledging, a time where you learn about the organization, the chapter, and it is highly suggested that you know prepare yourself for the upcoming activities. Applying that to me, it’s called the pre-dating, getting to know people talk to folks on the phone, seeing if they follow through with things that they said they were going to do. Therein lies the problems, with me I never get past this phase, guys just lose interest or have no real concept of follow through with me. This is where the line drops, and this is were the dating process ends.

A perfect example of this is what is currently happening now, four guys and out of the four, ATL, NJ, NY, SC are all fucking up, well all except for NY. NY is cool, and hopefully out schedules will permit so that we can actually visit each other. I called ATL three times and left two messages, no response, so I know what that means. NJ promised to call me back, that bama never did, and hit me via yahoo a few hours before he left to go for the French Open, SC, I’m on the fence about, and I met him a few days prior to his best friend from SC coming to town. I called him twice and he both times we talked, he made noise about how we should go out for drinks, but I called him this weekend to no avail, maybe he was busy with best friend which I know I don’t call people until a day or two after I hang out with my best friend.

For a long time I thought it was something I did that would just make people not care to follow though, but then I realized that even with networking, African-Americans are not really taught the art of follow through, when it comes to interactions with people. My theory is that most African-Americans were raised in a manner and in an environment that you were always in contact with the same people, members of your church, neighbors, and people in school, so the need to follow through was taken care of itself because you had constant interaction with those individuals. But when someone is not constantly in your face you tend to forget, not really lose interest but forget or are not really cognizant of how to build relationships without seeing them on daily basis.

Some may argue that this is across the board with any and every group of people. I would agree with that as well, but in my interactions with other groups of people, they tend to have a much better follow through rate, regardless of how it is.

Just my thoughts

Second Thoughts

2007-06-04T09:51:00.000-04:00

So I had this big surprise for my Mom for her birthday. In order to understand the scope of it, let me give you some background information. When my Mom went to marry my father and live in Cote D’Ivoire, she packed her clothes, and she back two or three trunks. In those trunks she packed away family photos, heirlooms, clippings, home movies, diplomas, and general items that one has that reminds them of their life. Things you would want to pass onto your children, and save for posterity. So she goes over to Cote D’Ivoire and after getting settled she lets my soon to be father know that she needs to go pick up her trunks. From my understanding she asks several times before he finally tells her flat out no, that he’s not going to get them or taking her to go get them regardless that she has the money to get them out of storage. Why, because she’s starting a new life with him anyway, what does she want with those old things. So all of things she packed are gone, destroyed, sold, or just thrown away.

Can you imagine everything you ever saved, photos that you had growing, momentos that your mother, who is now deceased, everything from your past pretty much gone. Yea my father is real bastard but that’s not the focus of this posting. So when I have been working on is trying to do a this is your life retrospective. Focusing on the life from my Mom’s high school to 1981, before she met my father, right now I’m making impressive headway. I have found a copy of her 1966 high school year book the year before she graduated. I have copies of all four years of her college yearbook, and the school even helped me get newspaper clippings from her college years that mentioned her. I also have copy of the article that discusses her college chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha’s 50 year celebration, and get this, even has a photo of my mom and her line sisters the day after they crossed, and yes they do look tired. I even found a 1979 letter to the editor that my Mom wrote that was published in the New York Times. Right now I’m working with Columbia where she got her Master’s in Social Work, and NYU where she got her MBA, and was named woman of the year. Unfortunately with large schools look that, the alumni office are only but so helpful. I called up Columbia’s records office, and they told me in order to get any information I had to get a power of attorney’s letter. But I called up her school’s alumni affairs office and they helped. I have to follow up with the same with NYUs’ Stern as well.

Besides the school portion I am trying to get a hold of the Harlem Interfaith Council I know she worked there, but for how long I am not too sure. I cannot find a working number for them, I was hoping that they would have some photos, news clippings or a press release dating back from that era that may have my mom’s mentioned.

Now I am reconsidering the idea, why, because my mom is depressed and just overall sad about a lot of things. I’m thinking showing her photos, and memories of yesterday will only make her even more depressed. Maybe I should just get her some Carols Daughter and just keep it moving, I don’t know….

My Memorial Weekend

2007-06-02T22:50:00.000-04:00

Okay so I had a fun time at pride, I met people, got life, and more importantly just had a good time. Friday was the start of it, and it started off really sorry. I went to this speed dating, and I was number 2 in joint, I’m a punctual person, then I saw this group of six fine men. I mean the type of fine that makes your back straight, and you try not to make eye contact for fear of being caught staring at them. For a minute there I got real excited because I ordinarily would not talk to any men who looked that good. Why, because I don’t know what to say, and I’m intimated. But they left, then I had the urge to leave as well, especially once I saw the cast of characters that entered the venue. Before I go any further, I must say that looks are not everything to me, seriously they are not. But you MUST take care of yourself, and have something to say.

The speed dating gets started I have an okay conversation with the guy in front of me, we talk about books, and I recommend a few for him to read. Then the next turn, I have no one in front of me, okay I think well maybe everyone will have any empty turn. But then the same thing happens the next turn so I take it from a sign from God and leave.

After leaving I head over to the fireplace. Curiously, I saw a lot of older men, I mean not the “30’s are they new 20’s” type but the Geratol crew the type of guys that the fireplace was the beginning and end of their night. Being that I took the MARC train and was not in the mood to drive back to DC that night for pride. The rest of the night I spent in Baltimore.

The next day I called Rashid and we set up a time to meet in the lobby of the host hotel and take the day as it came. Prior to leaving, I took care of home first, washing clothes, cleaning the house, and gardening.

After getting my Victory garden together I drive to DC, find the BEST parking spot, and make my way in my fashionable hood boy outfit, see the photo below. As I make my way to the hotel, a group of young homosexuals try to get my attention by using saying the title of the latest southern anthem “Ay Bay Bay”. Doing my best to ignore their cat calls I go into the host hotel and find Rashid sitting in a talk about Young Gays. It was interesting; I was cutting up in the meeting, because the idea of masculine gay men trying to justify their reluctance to help younger gays before the young ones seem too “cunty” is funny to me. I mean the idea that people are shunning effeminate gay men, and those young kids who do drag and are in groups like SMYAL for fear of being labeled. Don’t realize if it was not for Gays of years ago, many of whom could not “hide” their sexuality due to their naturally effeminate nature, many of the things like prides, clubs not getting raided, able to carve out safe spaces like Dupont Circle, the Village, San Francisco, et al. But it was cool.

Then Rashid and I start talking about people in the hotel, or the lack of eye candy thereof. Well not Rashid so much, mainly me, and frequently, I get very uncomfortable when I’m one of the better pieces of eye candy when I go someplace. But other than that, the time in the hotel flew by until it was time for the American Idol DC Pride version (read glorified Karaoke).

So this is when I learn that American Idol reject turned Broadway Actress Frenchie Davis is a big bitch. Big not in size but in grandiose mannerisms, she acted like every other bitter butch queen. She was not just chopping people because they could not sing, but she would go off on these tirades as to why she is frustrated with the current music industry. I mean damn, chick save all that for when your record comes out, which is when? Exactly, someone needed to give that chick a reality check that her attitude was not becoming of someone on the come up, which she still is regardless of what her friends may say.

While in the lobby I met three guys, one from South Carolina, thick and handsome, another one from Niger living in NYC, short dark and exotically good-looking, and a Nigerian living in ATL, thick bald, with a face like a model. Before I start to blog about them let’s see if they last more than 3 weeks.

Sunday was pretty quiet I stayed in my house and enjoyed the Lords Day. Monday I went to the Fort Dupont Park and realized two things. Gays travel in packs and Lesbians roll DEEP. Maybe due to the fact that many of the men were in San Juan, and in Miami, but the lesbians were almost outnumbering the gays, I thought I was back in Baltimore for a while. Unlike many people I roll solo most of the time I roll to any club, event, mainly due to the fact that I don’t have too many, hell any gay friends in area anymore, my only two have left, and Rashid was not really wanting to go to the park on Monday.. So instead of sucking my thumb and crawling in the fetal position, I go out by myself. It always was funny to me that so many people travel in packs nand stay in packs and stare, hard like a hungry man seeing his first porterhouse steak.

All in all I enjoyed myself, do I have a desire to go to San Juan or Miami next year, no. I like DC’s pride and prides that actually have events that you can learn and commune with others who are of your same sexuality without it revolving around the art, act, and modes of sex.

I'm Beautiful Dammit!

2007-06-01T09:25:00.000-04:00

I may be one of the few people who remember the group “Uncanny Alliance”, a which had two hits that I used to listen to, and love when I aw the videos on Video Vibrations. The song “I’m Beautiful Dammit” particularly resonated with me, at that early age I can remember never really being called ugly but people always asking me where was I from, partly because I did not have the Hampton Roads accent. But also because I looked different, well that’s what they said, when you’re growing up anything different is automatically bad. So I needed the reassurance that Uncanny Alliance provided.

Looking back though I think, rather I know that my insecurity about my looks stems from low self esteem. I cannot remember a single time anyone calling me ugly growing up, or funny looking, which is pretty deep because I can remember hurtful things people said to be as early as the 1^st grade. So my insecurity was not validated by people but stems from larger issues that stem from my insecurity and disdain with being half African. When visiting NYC while my Mom was getting her Ed.D from Columbia I can remember feeling humiliated when two Morrocans who owned a corner store (is it still a Bodega when non Spanish people own the store?) asked me where I was from, and told me that they had been looking at me for weeks trying to figure out where I was from because I looked Senegalese, but from other various tribes too.

Then getting involved in the African-American gay arena which adores many attributes of being close to white. Straight or curly hair, the lighter the better, both in complexion and in eye color, thin noses et al. I would see these guys who were not in my opinion attractive but had one or more of these traits, thusly being lauded as handsome and all the accolades thereof.

But after awhile I found a few men, some fine but most funny looking to me, men who looked like creatures as opposed to men in my opinion. No matter what anyone says all attention is not good attention. Getting approached by men who look like special effect creations does not help your self esteem. Rather it causes, at least in my case, substance to how I felt about how my outward appearance. The only solace I could find was that often times you see someone fine with someone who looks very opposite.

After awhile things started to change, I started to workout mainly because I was bored and wanted someone to do, and it just so happened that I worked out at a gay gym, actually damn near all gyms are gay or can become so without much effort, and started getting noticed. A few guys approached, others would blatantly stare, some steal glimpses, but I must admit that it helped my self esteem. Well, only helped after I asked two of my friends one a female and one a male what was going on, and they explained it to me.

From there slowly but surely between working out, and just grooming myself better, I started to get more and more attention. Now, not my any stretch of the imagination do I have the body of an Adonis, or the face of Whitney Mugler, but its not as bad as I had thought. Another part of it is finding your market, like with anything in life, everything doesn’t appeal to everyone. Knowing your attributes, and how to enhance them is vital to gaining the most market share. For instance growing up I was always tall I was 6’2 by the time I was 13, so height as being an attractive feature never even crossed my mind. Likewise since I do look “exotic”, there is a definite market for that as well. For example when I have my hair short or bald and wear clothing that drapes with a more urban feel, I get attention, but if I am dressed preppy, not so much. Likewise different areas of the country respond to be differently, in NYC, where damn near everyone is exotic, or different or a mixture of a few ethnicities, West Indian men come at me HARD. Maybe I remind them of their homeland but Trini, Jamacians, Bahians, and Dominicans roll up on me every time I go to NYC. When I’m in the south, I get these creole pretty boys, never really understood that, but hey to each his own.

Growing up different is hard, coming out and being gay in DC is even harder. Its amazingly easy to get caught up in how you look, how the other person looks, and forget that underneath the skin the soul of a person remains. That soul is true determinate if that person is beautiful or not, if that person is a good person or not, and if that person is worth your time or not. My soul is what truly makes me “Beautiful Dammit”.

I'M BEAUTIFUL DAMNIT
Uncanny Alliance
Singingfool.com

Tim Tim Milan Interview

2007-05-31T09:38:00.000-04:00

Tim Tim is officially hot right now. Having been awarded Vogue Fem “Of the Year” and Butch Queen Overall Vogue “Of the Year” this past New York Awards ball, 2006 Vogue Fem of the Year in Philly, and 2005 Vogue Fem of the Year in Atlanta, Tim Tim is on fire. With these accolades, and grand prizes under his belt, I had no intention of Tim Tim Milan agreeing to an interview with someone who he never met. Imagine the surprise I had when he did. After drafting up my list of questions for the subject like I always do prior to the interview, I began thinking, will Tim Tim have an attitude that would make interviewing him a regrettable task, as you can see optimism is not my strong suit. Instead of the arrogant Vogue Diva with plenty of awards under his belt, I found myself talking to a guy who was friendly, warm, and down to earth. A guy who has not let any of success color how he views himself, and how he interacts with others. Tim Tim came across as the type of guy every mother wishes her daughter would date.
Tim Tim Milan got introduced to voguing while living in Detroit, going to the clubs there he would see people voguing. Later while in Atlanta, he would see greats like Andre Mizrahi and Armani Milan voguing in clubs and was interested in the art form from that point on. But starting in the ballroom scene was difficult, Tim Tim started to walk in 2000, by Tim Tim’s own admission, “I constantly gotten chopped four straight balls, and I was about to quit, but my friends said no one gets its straight off to bat.” Which is great advice not only applicable to the Ballroom scene but to life as well.

Similarly to the perseverance to keep voguing in the beginning, Tim Tim also had to be persistent on finding the right house for him. “I’ve been a Milan was two years, first house was the House of Mizrahi, I was an Ebony also. For the longest time, all my friends were Milans, and that’s where my family was, why not go with your family?” Which leads to an interesting question I pose to Tim Tim, how important is what house you’re in dictate your level of success in the ballroom scene. “Before I came to the house of Milan I had a name but not as much as now. I’m not saying it takes away from your House; it will push you to step up to push your performance. I want to be one of the best of my House. You expect more in certain house. Some houses they have standard and you have to uphold that standard.”

This type of common sense is evident even when Tim Tim discusses why he thinks those who vogue soft cunt, have an advantage over dramatics, “a lot of the Dramatic are just throwing themselves… When I think of Dramatic I think of Pony [Zion], Desahuan [Evisu] or Mystery Dior. [But] the majority of them have not mastered dramatic.” Seeing that Tim Tim has a history of success I asked him his plans for the upcoming POCC and Latex Ball. “I never walked a Latex Ball, I don’t think the POCC ball is any different, from any other ball, I still get nervous and put the same amount of energy into it. It’s a highlight to have made that list. You have reached the elite of the category, it meant to a lot to make it. I am going to put 100% effort.” From there I ask Tim Tim to give me his take of the Star, Statement, and Legend echelons:

Star: Probably been out 1-3 years, making a name for themselves, making their impact their getting their 10’s won a couple of 10s known in their area.

Statement: [Been out for] 3-6 years, when that person steps on the floor no matter where they are you know who they are. When they call that category your looking for them, they are consistent and they have won, you are going to see them innovate and help them mold the category.

Legend: [Walking for] 6-8 years, A legend is someone who made their mark in their category, have beaten people on the floor, and have set the category for the kids to follow.

Tim Tim has become a statement a force to be recognized in the realm of Vogue Fem. It would be easy for someone to take his accolades and use them to inflate a faltering ego. Instead, Tim Tim comes off as an easy going guy that has a deep appreciation and love for the art of voguing. This appreciation can be seen when vogues and the judges recognize this as well. What the future holds for Tim Tim Milan is unknown, but he is already walking the path of success.

Word Association Game

Sheldon Khan Who?

Soft Cunt Prince Milan, Ricky Allure, Kiddy Aga, Marquise Revlon, Jlo ex Allure,

and Terrel Ebony

Dramatics Pony Deshaun Mystery Dior Kassandra Ebony,

Shade Bitter people; losing when you’re not supposed to

Family Caring, loving, dependable

Good Judies Andre Aga, Foxy Milan, Lil Tony Milan, I have more but I’ll be going all day.

Tim Tim Milan in Action

For those who are going to leave comments: The comments section will be left open, criticism are okay, personal attacks, and vulgarity will not be tolerated, comments that display the aforementioned will be deleted.

Ballroom Interview: Legend Milan Chanel

2007-05-25T10:55:00.000-04:00

In 1996 a young gay black male enters a world that he never knew of and attending what he thinks is a “modeling” showcase. This scene is played time and time again at nearly every ball; the only difference here is that unlike other young men this one is Milan. That night he wins face, from that point a Vogue Fem Legend was in the making, name Milan Chanel.

After attending that first ball in Chicago with Lee Milan, over the years Milan Chanel has not only earned the status of Legend, but has also thrown successful balls in years past such as the 2006 Midwest Awards ball with over 700 attendees, and help put the Chicago ballroom scene on par with cities like New York, Atlanta, and Washington, D.C. But not without his share of trials and tribulations, having been in seven houses, dealing with being a minority within a minority, and how he began voguing all this happening in a short run in the long walk of Milan Chanel life.

Vogue Fem is arguably the category most closely linked with the Ballroom scene. It seems that everyone has a different story as to how they started Voguing. When posed this question to Milan, he stated that “I became interested in the art of voguing the precision, the mechanism, in Chicago voguing is the highlight [of the ball]”. But at first Milan started off dramatic but was criticized for his lack of femininity, an integral part of Voguing Fem. It was not until later did he tap into the feminine aspect of voguing. Which brought up an interesting duality, with dramatics it seems to be about the marriage of the dramatic style’s more masculine aspects of voguing with the felinity or the “cunt” per se of the art of vogue. Marrying these two opposites is a skill mastered by Milan, and one that he has taught to other Vogue Fem divas including “Kiddy, Berlin, Renaldo, Jailo, and Skittles”.

Recently, Milan went from House Mother of Manolo-Blahnik to Father of Chanel, when asked why he went from Mother to Father and how that fluidity in gender is part in parcel with the Ballroom scene. Milan stated that “When I was growing up, I thought b/c I walked to Vogue Fem, I had to be a mother, and had to tap into the more feminine [parts] and conform to that… People who walk face or vogue fem are the more feminine ones”. This may be one of the reasons why the larger African-American/Latino GLBT community stirred those in the Ballroom scene due to masculinity or machismo being held in high regard, while anything remotely close to feminine or actions thereof are rejected. In the Ballroom scene both masculinity and femininity are both celebrated and embraced. I posed the question to Milan Chanel about the reason why so many outside of the scene recoil and shy away from balls, and ballroom patrons. Expecting an answer akin to “can’t take”, “don’t understand the scene”, I was surprised to hear what came next. “With the exception of a few people, like Tony Milan, Jay Manolo-Blahnik…pretty good reasons, ballroom homosexuals usually [are] stunt queens, escorts, prostitutes, 8 out of 10, usually don’t have their head on straight.” At first this is stunning admission, but upon reflecting of who is usually involved in the ballroom scene, many have been rejected from their families and/or society and are not given the opportunities to gain the skills necessary to earn a living, educational advancements, and are often not shown a world where you can be Black, Gay, and Successful outside of the ballroom scene.

From there the conversation switches gears and I ask about Houses, and how important Houses are to ballroom scene. Houses are akin to Fraternities or Sororities in the National Pan-Hellenic Council, with each House having various chapters and each chapter having a more family or more ballroom competition focus. I ask Milan how important House affiliation is to your success within the ballroom scene. Milan recounts when he first came to Atlanta, and at his first three balls he was chopped, but after changing to a more established house, “nothing changed the first 13 balls he walked he won in a row”. I ask about house hopping and how many houses Milan has been a part of, to my knowledge it was three, the first house Milan, the house of Manolo-Blahnik where he was Mother, and recently Chanel where he is currently Father. I was taken aback when Milan said seven. Below is a recount of which houses and the reason he left:

Milan: Started with Stanley something happened within the House putting Stanley out and putting Don Milan in the House, which started controversy. But when Chicago went to the Milan Ball, they wouldn’t allow us to walk the Grand March, which was the last straw.

Ovahness: Started the House at 17 yrs old, in Chicago. But when Milan went to Atlanta to attend Morehouse the house floundered and was too difficult to be mother from afar, and walking under the banner of new house Ovahness when he was the only one in the Atlanta area.

Chanel: This change came about due to Milan’s desire to be in an established house, apart from that, Milan nothing changed except that the first 13 balls he walked he won in a row as a Chanel. Coming back to Chicago, Chanel and didn’t want him want to be Mother or Father of the chapter so he left.

Ferre: Started the House of Ferre, but the members only wanted to be a Midwest house and not travel, which did not fit the ideas that Milan had for the House.

Ebony: Then came Milan’s Ebony tenure which wasn’t the best but joined because Berlin was his child, but after two years with them Milan became changing. Changing into a mentality that he did not like seeing himself evolving into, so Milan knew it was time for a change.

Manolo-Blahnik: Jay Manolo-Blahnik, talked to Milan “best decision” learned a lot, hold them in high regard. Towards the end things started to fall apart, power struggle within the house. After Pony left, it was nothing like it used to be.

Chanel: Milan then returned to Chanel, as Father, which for him has the best balance of family and ballroom scene.

Milan has accomplished so much as winning Chicago’s Finest, Vogue Fem of the Year 1998-chicago ;1999-chicago-detroit;2000-chicago-detroit;2001-chicago-detroit-atlanta
;2002 chicago;2003-chicago-atlanta, and countless grand prizes. What the future holds for Milan is unknown but if his past achievements are any indication, then we can except Milan to be inventive and help mold Vogue Fem for years to come.

As the last part of the interview I played a word association game with Milan Chanel

Word Association:

Walk for me Wednesdays Shade, all around

House of Zion Up and coming

Vogue Fem Amazing

Legend Too many none deserving

Judges Panel Set ups

Leyomi Mizrahi Amazing

Favorite Category to watch Fem Queen Performance

Status Something that should be earned not given

Nasty Battles of Milan Legendary Vogue Fem

When I see You

2007-05-20T22:51:00.000-04:00

So now that I’m working in DC more, my eyes that were starved of eye candy in Baltimore are now getting their full. In fact I rekindled a crush that I had started in 2004. Three years later I saw him in Union Station waiting for the Red line metro, and its crazy I still don’t know if he gets down. I can’t tell if I am picking up signs or just seeing what I want to see. I don’t know his name and I don’t even think I’ve ever said more than five words to him. Let’s go back to how this started.

After I graduated from college in 04, I started to work the 9-5 and I got bored, because after 5 pm I didn’t have anything to do. While in undergrad I was usually busy from when I woke up to about 11 pm easily, between classes, RA duties, club activities, and internship and/or job. To go from that to just a 9-5 was a big shift, so I looked for other things to do. I did not have any money to go out and take classes, but my job offered a reduced membership at Bally’s. While in undergrad I had very brief flirtations with going to the gym, sometimes they included me walking into the gym at school looking around and leaving. Other times I would just run, and then a few times I would actually work out. But after really learning about the gay life, and how having a body of some sort that was defined in shape was almost a necessity unless you were a Bear, I decided to go to the gym.

So I signed up, read information online about different routines, the proper way to do certain exercises, and then I started to go to the gym. Now, I did not go the gym after work because I had heard about the activities that happened in the locker room and I wanted to stay far from it. Thusly I would work out before work, and that is when I saw them, the Swoletwins.

There were two, not just one but two. Two amazingly chiseled chocolate black men, that I felt if I had stared at them too long my eyes would get diabetes because over load of eye candy. One was tall, the other short, both had the epitome of the build for their respective body types. It was intimidating being around men who were extremely well put together, and then day after day, I would see them naked. Not in my dreams, but in reality, since we all showered together, over the course of six months I worked out there, I saw them naked countless times. After about month two, it was no big deal. All the time while working out, going to the sauna, and showering together I think I may have said a sentence to them if that. Why didn’t I speak, low self esteem, shy, unbothered, or scared? I honestly don’t know I just never did.

Fast forward to the present, I have seen my crush, the short chocolate one, on numerous occasions by now. I guess the first time I was saw him again was while I was walking to the Union Station metro station and I saw this guy who had a broad back and locks and thought well, from the back he’s attractive. As I made my way to the station platform, I saw his face and realized it was the short swoletwin. Then it started, I think at the instance that’s when I developed my crush, or maybe it was lying dormant before, and was resurrected. But now I realize that he lives in Baltimore, because he rides the same train as I do to get into Union Station.

Oh shit, while I’m writing this, guess who just sat down in front of me on the Marc train…none other than my crush. What were my first reaction; a blank, then a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach which is still there. Well he’s on his phone, so I’m safe. I don’t’ know why I feel this way because it’s not like me. For awhile now I have seen and been around handsome and attractive men but never felt anything, for some reason I do with this guy.

The next part of this is the tricky and sticky part; I don’t if he’s gay or straight. I keep getting mixed signals. The first sign is that he worked out at Bally’s on L st. But he worked out in the morning and not in the evening when the girls come out to play. Then one time I saw him with Bath & Body Works, and even saw him with Jean Paul Gautier’s L’Homme cologne, which is very gay or metrosexual. Another thing he’s workout partner, the tall Swoletwin, I saw him at the Mill. So is he gay because his workout partner is gay? If so, would explain the fact that while looking on facebook I came across a photo of him and some girl hugged up together. Granted I wasn’t there but I don’t know what that means as far as his sexuality.

What should I do? It’s hard to strike up a conversation with someone before 8 am, when they are plugged into their Ipod, and frequently are wearing sunglasses. Any suggestions?

Ballroom Interview: Sheldon Khan

2007-05-20T11:38:00.000-04:00

It’s Friday and I have just entered Union Station on my way home, and I’m looking for a place to sit, and then it happens. I see this young guy with a familiar face, but I have never met this guy, for a second I stand there looking really strange trying to place a face with a name. Then it hits me, its Sheldon Khan, the guy who I have seen Vogue Fem at the Evisu Ball, Inauguration Ball, and the House of Starr Ball. After introducing myself, and seeing that Sheldon Khan is really a nice guy I ask him if I can interview him for my blog, to which he agrees. What occurred first was a guarded conversation that becomes increasingly more candid about status, his house, life, and of course the Ballroom scene in general.

Sheldon first learned about the ballroom scene and voguing when he was active in SMYAL, a group dedicated to helping sexual minority youth. After some friends taught him the elements, duck walking, cat walking, hands, dips, and spins, Sheldon was hooked on learning, and mastering the category called Vogue Fem. In 2004, he made his debut at the Ebony Ball, and was unceremoniously chopped. But after that, he decided to come back and slay. Slaying has been what Sheldon has done to the competition ever since his first ball, earning the status of Statement, one step away from Legendary.

There is a peaceful and scene nature that surrounds Sheldon who when I met him was on his way to hang out with a few friends in Baltimore, which is a rare vibe to get from any 22 year old. It could be attributed to the fact that by his own admonishment Sheldon isn’t one for ballroom politics. “People think I’m shady, because when I come to a ball I’m there to compete”, unlike some people who use the ballroom scene to get vindication. When asked if he has any kids, or is the child of anyone in the ballroom scene, a deadpanned faced Sheldon responds succinctly “No”, which may be a reason why people really think he’s shady.

But being allegedly shady does not stop people from approaching him and talking to him. In a quasi-celebrity state Sheldon resides, where he has met the likes of Nicole Ray, Eve from "BET’s You’ve got Style", and Janet Jackson. Those who are involved in the ballroom scene as competitors or spectators will come and speak, sometimes to talk about the ballroom scene, Vogue Fem, but then there are also the times where allegedly straight men come and speak, about what well one can only imagine.

Throughout the conversation Sheldon came across as not necessarily a loner, but very independent, and treats the Ballroom scene as a gay hobby, which made me ask him, why did he become a Khan, why not just say a free agent? “It felt right, I fit what they were looking for, and fits me basically”, but that did not mean that at first some of his own house members didn’t see him, and he had to prove himself to them. Which he has done by being consistent, and bringing it to every battle, unfortunately the more he improved the more people that he had as friends, started to turn their backs. Some accused Sheldon of changing, others were jealous he was getting as much attention as he was, and other relationships just ran its course as they have a tendency to do in life.

What to expect from Sheldon Khan, think POCC. To keep anticipation high, I will not reveal Sheldon’s performance, but I promise from what he tells me, his competitors really need to step up their game. Sheldon is coming to provide the crowd something that people are yearning to see, creativity, and synergy. To close out the interview Sheldon and I played word association that was neither scripted nor edited.

Tim Tim Milan..................................................... Not too fond of the performance

Ayanna Khan...................................................... Beautiful

Realness with a Twist....................................... Anthony Balenciaga, he’s cool cool

Shade................................................................Derrick Allure

Judges Panel.....................................................Rigged

Deshaun Evisu.................................................Thumbs Up

POCC Ball.........................................................Fantastic

Living in DC.....................................................Getting old

Here are examples of the Shelton Khan's performance

I don't use Mr. Keith Boykin

2007-05-15T12:21:00.000-04:00

I don’t use Keith Boykin at all. Now before I go further, I have never met him so I am not talking about him personally but the public persona of Keith Boykin that I have seen speak, his television experiences, and the website that bears his name, and articles. In my estimation he’s just another BQ that has positioned himself to be the Al Sharpton of the B GLBT community. In other words a self appointed mouthpiece that the media, and those outside of the community call on to speak about all issues that are Black and GLBT, that people in the community at best marginally agree with. Let me explain how I got to this point.

While I was studying at my alma mater, for a class we were commissioned to listen to a speech by a either a visiting lecturer or someone coming to campus for the GLBT four week celebration. During this time period I was on the debate team, and grappling with the idea that I was Black and Gay so I decided to go to one of the GLBT events. There was one event that really spoke to me, it had a Black male face attached, some guy named Keith Boykin, and so I decided to go the event. I went and I was a bit interested to hear what this guy had to say.

Well I went and I left feeling like I just read a paper. His presentation style at the time, was a bit dry and academic, there was no real relating what he was saying to people in the audience. But that was my introduction to this guy, a very well educated man with great credentials who to me seemed like an obvious leader of BGLBT rights and knowledge. So I found out about his website and checked it periodically. Nothing about it really struck me out of turn or profoundly different. After awhile I got bored, and I started dealing more with my life, and got profoundly involved in pledging HARD, and all things Greek.

Then around 2005 DC pride I started to check his page and read what was going on in the community. Then maybe it was me, but I realized that his site seemed to be a shrine to himself. Now a lot of people’s sites, blogs, and etc are very narcissistic but most of those sites do not promote themselves as a leader either explicitly stated or implied, of the BGLBT community. Around this same time, I stole a copy of a book from a pigeon toed, bow legged size 17 shoe 6’0 Iota, and read it. I agreed with many of his arguments in the book but at the same time, he made critical errors, such as placing the blame the sharp increase of Black women infected with HIV to Black women and not the Black community because in all honesty it takes two. You can’t spread the virus to yourself. But then even in the book when a Black woman confronted him about the increase, he showed no remorse and even in the book his tone seemed callous and flippant to this person. I was pretty shocked by this because this was a critical error any leader could make, how can you try to teach people both inside and outside of the community about such a highly sensitive issue without respecting that and treating that carefully. Then there were the ad hominem slights to J.L. King who wrote the insanely popular and controversial book about living on the “Down Low”. After reading seeing this I started to become more careful of what I read and saw from Mr. Boykin.

After turning my critical eyes to Mr. Boykin I came up with the idea that he is positioning himself to try to become not only the singular Black GLBT source that the media feels comfortable going to for any sound bites, but also a celebrity in his own right. There is nothing wrong with seeking fame, but there is something wrong when you fleece the community that you proclaim yourself to be, in order to do so. What do I mean by fleecing the community? I mean that you jump on every issue and state your opinion on it, without first truly learning about the situation, and giving a haphazard 10 second sound bite that sounds great without much thought.

A few situations I can think of have occurred when he did this. One was when Don Amechi came out and Mr. Boykin applauded him for doing so, and then urging more closeted NBA and NFL athletes to come out. This assumed that just because you have not told the public that you are gay or bisexual does not assume that you are closeted. Even by Mr. Boykin’s own admission coming out is a process that you are never really fully finished. So who is saying that some of these athletes have not come out to the people who are important to them? Its not shade to any team, but your team mates are just like co-workers especially if you don’t know if you are going to traded, or your contract is going to be renewed why tell all of our co-workers about your sexual habits? How many people do this?

Another situation is when Mr. Boykin had a campaign to combat homophobic preachers by pseudo-outing preachers on his site. This to me was done purely to sensationalize and cause controversy only. Never did he come out with any credible information but called for people to send him information. Now let’s think about this, if you are closeted and you are grappling with your religious upbringing and your sexuality do you think that someone potentially ruining your professional life, and your credibility in a community where you may be doing well is going to urge you to change your ways? Even the threat to do so was extremely in poor taste, why not go and sit down with these leaders and talk to biblical scholars who can have an intellectual discussion about the Bible who can go back and forth and maybe learn something or at least come back with a different manner of putting forth the message but in a way that may be better for those in congregation that are GLBT.

Even with the most recent Cocodorm controversy, Mr. Boykin was quick to denounce Flavalife for same reasons that the mainstream has criticized the company. The whole “not in my neitbhorhood has been the same rational for restrictive housing covenants that kept people of color out of certain neighborhoods, and also White flight that many urban cities are still suffering from. Then that are underlying issues with the story that have not been looked at, and as a commentator on the Black GBLT community Mr. Boykin should have taken the time to discuss. This is a blatant case of someone or a competitor intently alerting people to create a furor, who else would send copies of the site, a DVD, and print out of the website to the media and to neighboring homes. In my opinion this thoughtful analysis was not done on the issue due to the fact that it dealt with Gay pornography and Gay men’s unfading fascination, issues that remind the general public that Gay and Black people are not these eunuchs like creatures makes many straight people feel very uncomfortable. For someone positioning themselves to become a celebrity issues dealing uncomfortably close with Gay sex is something that would wanted to be avoided.

There is nothing wrong with evolving, changing, and making moves that in your estimation could change your life in a positive manner such as gaining publicity and the success thereof. But there is something inherently wrong with exploiting a group that needs help, offering yourself as a leader but only touching dealing with issues that would sound great in a 30 second news clip. The B GBLT community has a variety of issues that intermix issues that affect Blacks and People of Color and also Gays. Some of these issues are more clearly cut than others, but the community is desperate for leaders who are not out there to be contemporary carpetbaggers there for personal gain. This is how I see the actions of Mr. Boykin. It’s no shade, though.

Gold's in DC

2007-05-15T12:12:00.000-04:00

Since I started my new job in DC, I have a new schedule, I wake up, get into the office around 8:30 am from Baltimore no less, get off of around 5:30 and then go to the gym, take a shower, and catch the 8:40 back to Baltimore, and go to sleep around 11:00 or 11:30 pm. While this new schedule does not leave much time for the after work happy hours, and dates during the week (like I had any damn prospects at all), I have been entertained by the antics, actions, and clothing choices worn by the gym bunnies.
Gym bunnies are these buff guys who the gym not only serves as a place to improve their bodies but also a quasi fashion show, club, cruise, and happy hour all in one. Now, I will admit that I am not the friendliest person in the gym, mainly because I am really focused and determined to get my body to a certain level. The most I usually say is I’ll ask a question of someone usually not a means to open up communication but rather because I am trying to learn something. But just because my mouth is closed does not mean I don’t see the interactions between everyone. I go to Golds in Midtown DC, called Midtown. Let me tell you, them queens hold court their NIGHTLY. I used to think Bally’s on L street was bad, but damn these white gym bunnies switch harder than a little bit, wear the most revealing clothing, half the time I want to ask where in Faggot-ville did you pick up a one piece lycra/spandex one piece that fits in the crack of your ass. For instance the first day I was there I see this big old gal, to his credit he is definitely built and should be extremely proud of what they accomplished, but he has an ass like a black man SHOULD have and he was wearing those tight ass pants that I was shocked like DAYUM. I wanted to throw a towel around his waist and tell him to go back and change. Now, he is one of those white men who loves black men, how do I know you ask? Because he makes a point to talk to EVERY Black queen with a body in the gym, it’s actually pretty funny to see in action is like he has a radar sensor on the ready for any built black queen.
But the black bunnies are just as bad, half of them try to be “DL” but they really don’t succeed. I mean wearing timbs, sweats, and other urban clothing may fool the untrained eye, but when you open your mouth and a Louis Vinton clutch bag falls out. Or when Beyonce comes on, you can see a look a fear in their eyes as they fight the instinctive urge to start booty popping. But if they aren’t acting like they are on the DL, then they are the type of Black men who live in DuPont Circle. For those who don’t know the only type of Black gay man who lives in DuPont are the types that love White men, who will look at your cross even when you do the obligatory head nod, and they will avoid interactions with anyone who is Black because they fear its “contagious” or some shit. But let a white man come around, they will go out of their way to speak, talk, shuck and jive, and extols the beauty of a white cock. Those “brothers”, yes they still are no matter what they want you to believe, are pretty funny as well because when you see two together they will act like the other doesn’t exist but when a white man comes in their line of vision, its like a showdown in some old TV western where they will eye each other down and try to be the first own to speak to their white Adonis. All I can do is laugh and shake my head.
All of this pales in comparison to what happens in the sauna…. The sauna itself is no bigger than walk in closet, and it’s amazing what happens there. I have walked in on men jacking off, jacking other men off, all sorts of foreplay, but thankfully never anal. What is really funny about it is that the guys who do these types of activities in the sauna are never on the workout floor. Ironically if they were on the workout floor they probably would not need to be in the sauna ogling another man’s crotch with a desire and lust unparallel. But then again this is DC, so what do I expect?

Black Dick

2007-05-15T12:09:00.000-04:00

America was always been afraid of the Black dick, and the mythical sexual prowess that comes with it. The sexual powers of the Black dick have been the reason for many of the lynching that occurred in the early part of the 20th century. Many times the accusation of looking at white women was enough to lose your life; Emmett Till is a powerful example. Another example is the Florida town that was destroyed all due to the false accusation of a white woman who said she was raped by a Black dick. The Scottsboro case is another case that in the early part of the 20th century again brought up the fears many Americans have about Black dick. Even today Black dicks continue to cause controversy, in the 80’s Bobby Brown was jailed for making obscene moves on stage. Now juxtapose what Brown was doing on stage with what any of the Rock Bands of the time that positioned their guitar was a large phallus, or even as the female counterpart to their own male sexual organ.
This fear of the Black dick can even be seen in the recent Cocodorm controversy. A quick overview of what happening is that the media along with some of the members in a residential Miami neighborhood were anonymously mailed packets containing a DVD; print out from the Cocodorm website, and the address of its current house. Now everyone is up in arms, about this sex house in a residential neighborhood. Within days of the initial story the police, health inspectors, and other codes people came to shut the house down, or rather what was happening in the house.
Let’s think about this, prior to this story coming out of the news not one of the neighbors knew of what was going on, had any indication of what happened in the house. They only become alarmed when they found out that numerous Black dicks were having sex with each other. This again speaks to America’s fear of Black dick. Now let us look at what was happening in the home, it was sex, sex that happened on a timed regular basis. Planned and orchestrated sex. Now let’s think, does this not happen in residential neighborhoods, how many people have sex a certain times of the day? Damn near everyone has sex at certain mutually agreeable times. So that was not the case.
Even the idea that sex for public consumption happening in residential suburban neighborhoods is nothing new, not long ago there were stories in the news about women( read white women) having sex, masturbating, and stripping online for paying viewers. What is so different to what is happening in this residential Miami neighborhood? Nothing, other than the fact that is highly organized, its gay, and it involves Black dicks. Its amazing how one appendage can cause such a furor.
Then most heinous implied fear tactic that news media used was juxtaposing images of the Cocodorms website, Black bodies seen through windows of a home, and then photos of children playing and interviews with residents that didn’t want it in their neighborhood near children. Implying that Black dicks are dangerous to children, and the need to protect children from them, but again there has not been one instance noted where children came into contact the models. All one has to do is look at NBC’s “To Catch a Predator” and see that many of the pedophiles are not Black, who go after children in suburbs.
Ironically, all these people who fear Black dicks, and their sexual prowess all they have to do is talk to someone who has had sex with more than few Black dicks to have them realize that, unfortunately Black dicks aren’t as powerful as all the hype would have one to believe, much to the chagrin of many a Black women and bottom.

A letter to my father

2007-05-07T11:07:00.000-04:00

So yea, my father told me that he's taking his wife to paris to seek out medical treatment for her. But I have a brother who is his child as well, who is mentally and physically disabled and he has not once paid for any of the medical nor tried to help more than the occasional how is he? So it struck a nerve I wrote this email to him.

Now hold up, how can you take care of your spouse over your child? How can you tell me that you are taking your wife to another country to get the best medical coverage for her, but you won’t, haven’t, nor cared enough to do that for My little brother. How dare you ever say anything like that to me, it was as if someone had smacked and spat in my face with that remark. You will never know the sacrifices that my mother and I had to make just to keep My little brother ALIVE. Do you know what its like to have to give your child or your brother CPR to keep him alive? Or to call the emergency phone number so many times that the paramedics know you by name. To spend every major holiday in the hospital to sit by your brother’s side as tubes and medicine were pumped into his small body. Do you know what its like to suction mucus out of your brother’s throat just so that he can breathe? No you don’t I do, I had to take on the role of being my own father and being a father to My little brother as well, you will not know what we did nor do you care honestly because your actions speak louder than words. But hopefully you are not lying about your wife being sick I hope she has a speedy recovery.
I can’t go through this anymore, I won’t do it too much for me to keep going through this emotional rollercoaster I cancel my subscriptions to your issues. I’m glad on some level that My little brother is the way he is, so that he will not have to realize that the man he looks so much like is his father who does not care about his well-being. I don’t know what has happened in your life but in order for me to be safe I can’t keep going through this with you. This is not about the money at all, but about what the money represented, it represented to me that you cared about My little brother and I. So I was holding out some hope that you would do what you said but deep down, I realized that it was never going to happen. But you being my father, and I being your son I secretly wishing that you would come through. But as my 25th birthday came and went I realized this was just another time, like with the car, with paying college, getting me a computer and a host of other broken promises that you have continually created. A part of wishes that I never took the money that you sent because I feel like that money came with obligations and gave me false hope that I am dealing with now.
After you lied to me that you have children, I came to realize that you’re capable of anything. So I don’t know if your home needs to be rebuilt or if your wife is ill. Because you lied about children to your own child I know you are capable of anything. With all this being said put yourself in my position, would you still want to talk to someone like you? In fact I’ll make an analogy for you. If you had a business partner that promised to do things and never came through but gave money to further advance a project when they felt like it, lied to you about when the work would be completed, would you still work with them or would to sever relationships with them? I already know the answer.
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As I've said before Niggas ain't shit....

An Update on my life

2007-05-04T12:28:00.001-04:00

One thing that I have been doing in my absence from the blogging world has been learning about real estate and how to get involved in making profits from it. So far I’ve read books, attended workshops, talked to various investors, loan officers, real estate agents, and of course watched TV shows geared to everything in the home buying lieu. I did the first important step which was to buy my own home and stop paying rent, I don’t really see honestly how this is going to help me considering I am paying more money in mortgage than I did if I continued to live where I was living, but then again my lease was coming up and my rent would have increased to a little bit more than what I am currently paying monthly.
So now it’s on to the next big thing, which is buying my next property for profit. This has proved to be very tricky, at least for me. I have pretty much exhausted all of my savings that were allotted to me in order to help buy my home. Then I signed up for a credit monitoring notice with Myfico.com, expecting that my credit was bound to go up due to the fact that I had just bought a home and had a mortgage that even in my absence from the working world I had managed (even I don’t know how) to pay my mortgage up until June 1st. Surely my credit score which was almost 600, it still amazes me that I was able to not only buy a home but with an interest rate of 6% with poor credit, was bound to be at least 620. Well you can imagine my shock when I saw that my credit score had plummeted at least with Experian to 533. I just stared at the computer scene in shock; it’s as if not matter what move I make my credit is forever going to be stuck in perpetual sub prime status. Needless to say I broken, I sent in the form letters challenging ever negative aspect of my credit report, but I have done that before and I know it won’t help.
Besides the credit set back I took a job that I think, think being the operative word that will provide a great base in the future. This is due to the fact I am learning about contracting, proposals, and how a business markets itself to the federal government. In doing so unfortunately I took a small 2500 pay cut from what I was making at my previous employer. Now couple this with the fact that I am now paying both Baltimore city and Baltimore county taxes, my paychecks look as if I am working a part-time job. Which I’m taking as a sign that I need to get a part time job, now due to the fact that at times with my full time job I have to work late nights and coupled with the idea that I really trying to stick to going to the gym at least 4x if not 5x a week. The part-time job will have to be either on the weekends or one that I can work sporadically. In staying with my current fervor for real estate I was thinking of becoming a real estate agent with Long and Foster, taking classes on Saturday and Sunday. The only issue with this is that the weekend classes are for six weeks and don’t start until July, at the earliest I could be a licensed agent in August. But then how do I start getting clients in a city where I don’t know anyone? Another way of making money that I had been researching was being a speed dating host. Originally, I went looking online to find speed dating events in DC for gay men, after searching online, talking to people at gay newspapers and organizations throughout the DC metro area, I found that no one could tell me when the last one had occurred, and that there is a definite market for it. Any gay male who has visited DC can attest to the large gay population, and the majority, surprise, surprise, are single. So I am thinking of putting on events for the gays in DC, this would be a good way of getting to meet people, help people, and network as well.
Sometime today I am going to sit with my financial advisor and come up with another budget in turn with my new job. To help me get to where I need to go, oh I forgot to mention that I found out I owe the IRS almost 2000 as well. Yea 2007 is shaping up to be a great year.

Color Complex

2007-05-04T12:27:00.001-04:00

Color issues in the Black Gay community

The color issue in the Black gay community is amazingly complex, and displays the subconscious self hatred that Blacks have and the desire to attain a certain idealized form. Before people write me off as another dark skin man complaining that he cannot get a date or people think I’m ugly or not attractive because I’m dark. Bitch please, my complexion has never hindered me from getting a date, other attributes I have had. But getting back to the matter at hand, it’s not just the assumption that lighter skin is better, but it’s also this eroticizing dark skin people as well.
People often attribute the color issues within the Black community as dating back to slavery and how that has trickled down into contemporary times. While almost everyone will agree that the color complex is a divisive issue that hurts the race as a whole. As a whole it seems as if there is a complacency that people have regarding it as one of those things that will stay with us forever. But I think there is another reason for this, and that is more people are benefiting from it than those who are not. So many people attribute it to just those who are light skin as being the benefactors of such divisive action. But this reasoning fails to look at the other groups that benefit, dark skin people benefit from this color complex because those who are uncomfortable with their own light complexion are attracted to dark skin people because it revalidates their own issues of being “Black enough”, and those who fetish Black people whether other Blacks or other groups tend to go for those who are “undeniably” Black. One only has to look at any high fashion magazine, or look at the make up of the modeling agency and see that the majority of Black models are dark. Brown skin people benefit by being in this quasi state that means that they don’t invoke a gut reaction as to those who are light or those who are dark due, in essence they are safe in many respects.
Within the Black community it seems as if any difference, or perceived difference can be bad, unless that difference enables you in some form of fashion to not look as Black as you are. Those who look Hispanic, Half white, Half Asian, or have physical attributes thereof are lauded for these, not because they have the elements of true beauty, proportioned body and face, great shape and structure, clarity of skin, and teeth. Merely because their difference is one that can be help them blend. It’s akin to the FemQueens and Butch Queens who use their attributes to become more “passable”.
In a community that has so many issues ranging from suicide rates, HIV infection, and abuse why incorporate issues of color that serves no real purpose in the Black Gay community?

Hip-Hop

2007-05-04T12:26:00.001-04:00

I'm Back Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-04T12:25:00.000-04:00

My apologizes for not updating my blog at all. Thanks to all those who emailed me with their concern, but everything is alright. First of all, I got a new job as a proposal writer for an IT company, in DC. This is the first time in my short professional career that I have worked directly with an African-American male. In fact, this is the first time I’m working in an office where everyone is a male and there is only one white male working there. I must admit that I had to deal with my own internal racism that I did not even know was there. But that subsided quickly and I really am cherishing the opportunities given to me to learn not only about how to write a proposal, but also procurements, contracting, and working with the federal government as a contractor. Also my birthday is on Friday, and I will be 25. Unfortunately the only plans so far are to go to the DMV and get a new MD license.
Now, my life would not be complete without some obstacles that were put in my life. The first is that my apartment that I was subletting the management found out b/c the girl who I was subletting to could not keep her mouth shut. Since I was doing it illegally and I didn’t know what I could do, I paid the 400 applications and security fee that she would have to pay in order to start a new lease with management. Also since I broke the terms of my lease by having a sublet, I guess I forfeited my security deposit and the interest that accrued thereof. But that was not the end, so I get a letter from the IRS telling me that I owe them around 2000 in back taxes, let me tell you. That ruined my day and part of my week. Not only because I don’t have 2000 to pay them in one lump sum, but the fact that there are some other things I am trying to do with my money that being 2000 in debt will seriously hinder my ability to do such actions.
After shaking off the fact that I am now lost 2400 dollars in future earnings, I decided that it was time to get back on track with getting my credit score up. I was really excited to see how my credit score had changed because now I had a mortgage and whatnot. So I signed up with myfico score watcher with Experian. Then the other shoe dropped, my score had dropped by over 60 almost 70 points with Experian. When I saw that, I just sat there looking at the screen in utter disbelief. It was only until the screen went dark from being idle did I then try to find out what exactly happened to my credit to make it happen. From what I can tell I got behind on one bill this one private student loan which is about 1100 dollars that I have always had trouble paying because I just forget I have it. So I needless to say the last few weeks have not been the best. It just seems that I am this debt treadmill that I keep shelling out only and nothing seems to ever be making any headway. The one good thing is that I paid my mortgage payment so the next one isn’t due until June 1st.
While all of this is going on, or rather even before, I decided that I am going to make my own corporation. The company will focus on home renovations, home rentals, and a few more things coming down the pipeline. I am fortunate that I have a mom who is already doing what I am trying to do, so she has a wealth of knowledge and support that has proven to be extremely vital. I even shared this information with my father and asked him for seed capital and in January after seeing business plan and answering about 15 of his follow up questions he said he was going to give me the money. Well, that was four months ago, and granted he has kept saying that he was going to send it. I have decided that if I do not hear anything on my birthday about the money, it aint coming. So I have to look into other ways of starting myself off.
Which brings me to the tax sale in Baltimore, as a means of starting to buy homes and to start what I am trying to do, basically the tax sale is when a property has unpaid taxes, water bills, and other city bills that the homeowner has not paid, and in May it goes into a tax sale where bidders bid to own the debt and collect on the debt. If the homeowner does not pay the back taxes, interest, and any legal and title fees then after six months the owner of the tax lien can close the right of redemption and start the foreclosure process on the home. The tax lien foreclosure taxes precedent over any and all other liens on the home. Some people who I have expressed this to have asked how I can do this ethically. While at times I do feel bad about trying to do this, at the same time I feel as though my hands are tied, I have very little money, evidently poor credit, and no partners that I can share the burden of doing this with. So I must use any and all available means to achieve my ultimate goal. The money I plan to use to do this is the mortgage money that I would have paid for May’s mortgage, if I do not win any of the bids on the homes (which are the homes that I am targeting in specific areas) then I will use the money to pay down the IRS bill or the balance on my credit card, or that damn student loan.
On a positive note, for the past three to four weeks I have been going to the gym four-five times per week. I will definitely keep you abreast of the gym “antics” I have seen, and heard. It is a damn fool!

Just my thoughts

Just a quick update and Thank you!

2007-03-08T02:43:00.000-05:00

First I’d like to thank all the positive feedback I received from those who viewed my blog and hit me up in a variety of means to give me advice, inspiration, and contacts. It really means a lot to me. As an update, I can honestly say that I’m alright. What really pissed me off about the situation was these two aspects. The week of my closing on my house, I asked one of the guys in the company if there was any talk of letting me go or anything like that simply because I noticed that the amount of work I was getting was trickling in, if it did at all. But the real thing was I went on two job interviews the week before, and I was trying to get a new job before anything like this happened. It just so happens that this happened to soon. Aww well fuck ‘em.

Now to update you all on Bmore, the brothers here are…different. When I say different, its not a bad thing its just a totally different culture than the DC metro area. Here the people in general are more down to earth and folksy in a way. I haven’t ran into too many attitudes, other than my own, but I do feel a little out of place, have I become too DC?!?!?! God, I hope not. But I think I have in some aspects. For example in DC, when you go out, you go out and dress, whatever style that you can imagine but you actually put some thought into what you put on, and how you put yourself together. Well, in Baltimore this is not the case at all, people here believe in the “C’est la vie” method of dressing when going out, meaning shit if I got it one I’m wearing it no matter how it looks. Which is…different, I have met a few people in Baltimore most aren’t worth typing about. I have met this one guy who seems to have himself together and could be a good friend.

I started working out again, I’m proud of myself so far 4x this week Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The only bad thing is that I have to watch my time, at the gym in Baltimore they have these 2 hour parking passes after which you have to pay to park. Unfortunately with my gym routine I’m in the gym for a little over 2 hours when I do cardio. Now before I get some gym bunny with a internet connection telling me that I’m doing something wrong. Let me say this, you’re probably right but unless you’re willing to train or workout with a brotha FOR FREE ( this is the kicker) then leave a message otherwise, you get the idea. My current routine is as follows: 30 mins of cardio, 2 body parts (like chest and triceps), and abs.

Oh, so who’s Leonard Dorsey, he’s something I’m working on, I’m thinking of writing a book a gay black novel in the same vein as Larry Kramer’s Faggots. I’m still working on what I want so expect to see short stories, and entries from and about Leonard Dorsey.

I’m thinking about throwing my own birthday party in April, with a 90’s theme. I’m talking about 90’s music, trivia, dances, and more. A good way to welcome the 2-5…yes I’m still young bitches eat it up!!!!

Also, one of my associates gave me their point on my love life or lack thereof. They said they don’t see my with an African-American, or someone who was raised with that idea. He then said he sees with a foreign “Black” meaning an African, West Indian, Euro-African, etc. The reason he said was b/c of my interests, how I was raised, and my background. Those who really know me, know that I wasn’t raised and exposed to a lot of the quirks of the African-American community and to this day I can understand and conceptualize certain aspects of it but not really fully take it as my own. As far as my interests, I mean I’m not terribly different but I have noticed that not too many African-Americans have been exposed to certain interests I have. My background yea I mean just scroll down. LOL. It’s always interesting to hear an outsiders view on you and your situation.

2007-02-28T17:13:00.000-05:00

Trying very hard

Ever since I started this blog I have tired very hard not to talk about work, or the happenings on that front. But as of today I can’t hold back anymore. On Monday I was laid off, via the phone, and now I’m looking for another job. I found myself depressed, anxious, and fighting the urge to be very very bitter. For those who’ve I’ve told, I’ve tried very hard to have a happy face on and to be positive but its extremely difficult. I’m looking for work, but since I really don’t have a clear idea as to what the hell I want to do, its even more difficult. I really don’t know what the future has in store, and yes all the positive sayings in the world are only going to do be but so much good. I need a job man!!!

Just my thoughts

10 Hoe Commandments

2007-02-26T01:29:00.001-05:00

This is Len again, back with another installment this time its about sex, straight sex, gay sex, group sex, freak sex, but most of all DESCRETE sex. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they feel the desire to “sow their wild oats” From this point on, I will refer to this period as being a hoe. While being a hoe, it is vital that you do not let your activities dictate how people see you and future opportunities that may arise, hence the need to be discrete remember you have a reputation you have to up hold. To help those who are in need I, Len Dorsey have codified the 10 Hoe Commandments:

Never give your real name.

When you are out on the prowl and you have it in your mind that this is only going to be a fuck, there is no reason on God’s green earth that they have to know your gov’t name or the name that you use professionally, especially if your parents gave you a unique name. But what is suggested is to use the same pseudonym consistently, so when they call you and ask to speak to a “Carl” you automatically know under what premise you know them.

Don’t play where you rest your head at.

Its best to not bring home anyone in your domicile that is only there under the guise of sex People talk to damn much, even if you follow the first commandment sometimes people will still try to figure out who you are by asking about you and its real easy for them to pin point your based on physical description and where you live and off of what street. Your home is your sanctuary and you don’t need every trick see how you live, and where you live. If their place is not available, and both of you are too cheap to pay for a motel room, be creative and adventurous, cars, parks, alleys, etc are all possible venues for the hook up.

Have different standards for fucks, friends, and lovers.

Too often people use the same physical criteria to determine who can be their fucks, friends, and lovers. Some do it consciously others do it sub-consciously, don’t think you have one, take a good look at past relationships, and your friends and see what type of commonalities they have. What this does is create a profile of what type of person you like, and if the fuck is just that do you really want someone to find out and be able to say “yeah you’re their type” and then have your business on front street, I think not. So what you do is have variations physically, let’s say you have a thing for red-bones open yourself to be hoe with yellow folks. If you have a thing for a certain build try to get people who do not fit into that category readily, you never know you may enjoy it.

Don’t find fucks in the circles you already travel in.

When I was in college, I was always stunned by the amount of people who were fucking the same people. In fact two of my friends were fucking the same girl at the same time, it got to the point that if she called one up and talk to him, she would call the other one right afterwards. This is just messy, but in the real world people do this shit too. If you are in the Arts and Entertainment business step outside of that realm and find someone who is a intellectual property lawyer, a stripper, a CPA, etc. Besides minimizing the chance that your business will be put out there by someone in your same circle, its also good to do this to add to the thrill of the search.

Use means of communication you have control over.

In this technologically advanced age, with various ways of communicating with people it is vital that the evidence of any hook ups be kept to a minimal level. For instance why text message someone so they can have proof that you hooked up with them, the best way are means that don’t leave any trail back to you.

Make sure all parties involved know what the deal is.

Karma is a spiteful bitch. Hence the reason why its vital that everyone involved know explicitly what the deal is, if its just a fucking arrangement clarify that before you do the do. For some people they cannot have sex without having a deep meaningful emotional connection, and there is nothing wrong with that. But for someone to mislead an individual they’re asking for retribution.

Use this to experiment.

Everyone has fantasies, things that they want to try out and just test the waters. Being a hoe gives you the opportunity to really engage in sexual experimentation without the fear that it will one day be brought back in your face to demonstrate some sort of deviancy or depravity.

Specialize not generalize

Remember sex is just a part of life, and like any other part of life there are certain arenas where one excels in and others that need to be improved. It doesn’t matter what past lovers or fucks have told you, you’re not great in every aspect of the bedroom. Get over it. But everyone has certain actions or activities that they like and thusly are more adept at doing. Use this time to hone in on your skills and learn your craft. The bedroom is not someplace where its good to be a “Jack of all trades, and a Master of none.”

Don’t hold back

Nothing is worse than a frigid hoe, it negates the reason why you’re being a hoe. There is a difference between being assertive and knowing what you do and do not like to do. But holding back is when you let the fear of the unknown or the situation inhibit you going for yours.

Don’t run your mouth

Most people forget this most simple rule. In fact most hoes are found out because they tell on themselves. Why on God’s green earth are you bragging about how many fucks you had, or how good this anonymous person was that you don’t even remember their name. Get that together, certain things are private and what happens behind closed doors, parks, bathrooms, cars, parking lots, etc, etc, etc. are strictly between you and the individual(s). Don’t go running your mouth to your best friend, just because their your best friend today doesn’t mean they won’t be your worst enemy tomorrow.

Now that you have these guidelines go out and do what you do, just remember to be responsible and to put yourself first, no one else will.

T.E.R.P.S Update

2007-02-08T12:34:00.000-05:00

T.E.R.P.S. Update

Well its not been a good quarter for TERPS. I have been in a mood indigo.

Travel: Still saving up for my trip to Brazil but I don’t think that will be happening this summer.

Economics: Bought a home, sublet my apt for the duration of the lease, and starting the last week in February going to aggressively target raising my FICO score by 30 pts by the end of August.

Relationships: Fuck love, well romantic love at least, that’s just something that has and will allude be so I’ve come to terms with that. My mom and I have grown closer, and I wish I was physically closer to my friends who are beginning to move to various points of the US.

Physical: Yea haven’t hit the gym seriously since before T-day and really feel no incentive nor desire to really do anything.

Spiritual: I read Psalm 73.

Just my thoughts

Introducing Lenny Dorsey

2007-02-07T23:45:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a V-day story by Lenny Dorsey. Le'Chaim!

Hello my name is Leonard Dorsey and I’m alone, again. Well again would entail that there was even a modicum of time where this wasn’t the case. But as the minutes grow into hours, hours grow into days, so to does my state of solitude increase. By now you’re probably saying to yourself while rolling your proverbial eyes. “Lord, another dramatic fag whining about being alone.” Well in my defense I have this to say.

Fuck you! You’re reading this so allow me to be the dramatic cunt that I set out to be. Anyway, back to my army of one. I truly don’t understand in all honesty I’m damn fine, plain and simple. I’m tall, in-shape although not as much as I once was, great in bed or so they say, easy to talk to, and financially secure, did I mention humble. In short what every parent wants for their daughter. Hell I get the “why can’t you be straight” all the time from females, not the dick hungry ones that are so desperate for a man that they will take anything its attached to. No, I’m talking about the dime females, the ones breeders and the bisexual boys run after. I guess for the vagina carrying crew I’m the forbidden fruit (for the slow ones that was a pun).

But I can say that the men, and I use that term loosely, in DC have ever been so nice as to provide themselves as mirages. You know an illusion, I’ll use this guy Craig as an example. Craig and I met in 05, two weeks before the New Year, in one of DC’s most infamous of places. The Glorious Health and Amusement, fondly and quietly referred to as “The Follies”. For those of you looking at your monitors inquisitively like, what’s that, it’s was a place where men went to have sex with other men. They had dark rooms, gloryholes (google it), wooden benches and beds for sex. Now don’t go clutching your pearls too hard or gasping too loudly to attract the attention of those around you. If you are gay or even straight for that matter you have probably done the same shit, just not in that place, or maybe you have. Back to Craig, when I saw him I was literally taken aback, which doesn’t happen often. I saw this fine, well built caramel dipped Adonis standing erect at 6’5. It was as if he didn’t walk but glided his body across the floor. When I got his attention and he smiled at me, it was over. We started to make out, I started to feel his body to make sure everything was as how I thought it was it would be. Broad shoulders that could carry the weight of world easily like Atlas. Chest firm and solid, arms like tree trunks. Abs so defined that I could do a months load of laundry on them. His ass was amazing as well, firm and round like two basketballs rubbing against each other. So after our make-out section we went to a bar hung out and talked. He asked if I wanted to a threesome and I declined, a. I don’t bottom, b. his “boy” was just one of those guys who people would like because he was hi-yalla and that was it. I mean people need to realize if you’re going to have a color complex still get people who are goodlooking. So we ended up going back to the Follies and had amazing sex. I’ll leave the rest to your Cocodorm filled minds. We exchanged numbers and made all the usual pretenses about going to keep in touch.

This time it was different because we did, he would call, I would call, and over the course of six months we hung out several times, went out on plenty of dates, and had sex. In March he wished me happy birthday and I only in passing told him it was my b-day three weeks prior which surprised me that he remembered. By May I felt comfortable enough to call him after he went on a Cruise with his family to talk about taking our thing, whatever it was, to being exclusive. So I called, and his phone was cut off. No big deal, he would call me when he got back. May came and went as did June, July, August, September and the rest of ’06.

Eventually I saw him online, and hit him up and he explained to me that he was trying to date me but it got too difficult, but wouldn’t explain how. That he thought I was bottom b/c my style was preppy, how did you know my style was preppy if I had one sweat pants, black hoodie black air force ones and a long white tee. Then he said that that he found someone else more versatile than I and decided to pursue a relationship with them. But that didn’t work out b/c they dogged him out. Mind you, I know I’m a top but if I was ever to date or be exclusive with anyone, I would please them. Enough said.

So after listening to my Billie Holiday, Fiona Apple, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Ma Rainey, Bessie Smith, and Mary J Blige mix tape I just chocked it up to another mirage.

Like any other mirage Craig from a distance, emotionally and romantically seemed to be the one I was waiting for. Granted the auspices of how we met were not the greatest but in my mind, it was one of those things that if the end justifies the means fuck it. But as soon as I got close to where I could finally put down my guard and give myself over. No sooner did I find out I was tricked and I had actually walked in a circle to the same familiar spot I have always been.

At times I wonder, Len, is it you? Do you really come off “that mean” or that unapproachable, do you except too much, maybe common decency went out with cross colors and Karl Kani. Or do you on some subconscious level pick people who you know subconsciously are not going to work out because deep down you have some underlying fear of intimacy or feel unworthy of being loved? Are you just another fag caught up in looks and can’t see people for anything more than a nice ass a good body and occasionally nice face? Hells nah! I’ve psychoanalyzed myself to the point that Freud would even say “Damn Nigga shit!” No, its just that I have not met enough people, people in non sexual environments, or in places where the conquest isn’t for the next nut but rather the golden apple (again with the fruit pun).

So as V-day approaches I sit away in my home, my empty home listening to the longing in Luther’s voice as he sings “A house is not a home”, understanding both the words, and the longing that lies beneath it all.

Mon Ivorite

2007-01-30T14:35:00.000-05:00

Mon Ivorite

“Where are you from?” or “Where are your people from?” better yet “You don’t look American” these are all comments and in their slight variations that I have heard growing up, even to this day. Some people call me “Exotic” or different, or just plain ugly. To all of them, they are right. I am all of these things and more, for one simple reason. I am mixed.

When you say that you are mixed people automatically assume that you are bi-racial, with me and surprisingly a lot more than you would first assume, both parents are of the same race but we are mixed culturally, and ethnically. In my case, my mom is from the United States, and my father is Ivorian, from Cote D’Ivoire. Having parents from two very different cultural backgrounds, would have been more interesting or more trying if I had from an early age had to deal with the duality of my being. But because of my parents divorce when I was 3 or 4, my father deciding to take a six year hiatus from paternal duties, and the fact that it wasn’t until I turned 18 did I meet an aunt and cousins on my father’s side, I never “felt” African or mixed. Growing up I was that kid with the funny name no one could ever pronounce right, and that didn’t really look like everyone else. When you are young it is very important for your self-esteem not to be different in a way that makes you stand out. But unfortunately I did. I mean to this day people don’t understand that how could French be my first language but I don’t speak it now or can barely pass a French class. Its easy, when I first came to the states with my Mom, I could understand English because my mom would speak to me in English, but I didn’t respond in English only in French because I was living in a Francophone world. When I was put into pre-school the teachers would separate me, from everyone else, because they didn’t understand what I was saying, when I would talk to them. Plus no one would ever talk to me, so I was really isolated with the exception of my Mom, no one would speak to me. So one day, I went to her, and said I never will speak French again. Fast forward 20 years later, and I’ve kept my promise for the most part.

Then growing up southern VA, which is not the most cosmopolitan of places, and where many African-Americans there are extremely ignorant of Africa and feel that they are better than them for one reason or another. I learned to really distance myself from anything African, my mom would try to teach me about African cultures but when it came to Ivorian culture, that is something that I would have and should have learned from my father, who opted not to do so. In fact, when he called after five years it was to tell me that he was coming back from my Grandmothers funeral, MaeMae as she was called, was the ONLY family member of mine to ever come and visit and see me and my little brother. Granted I never knew her really, and I was one of 35 grandchildren but I was the first born male, which usually counts for something. It would have been nice to pay my respects.

It wasn’t until I went away to college did I really start thinking and trying to learn about Ivorian culture and the country itself, ironically when I started to learn that it was considered one of the few successful African nations with a robust economy, I learn that the economy is starting fumble, and that there is Coup the nations first. Then the civil war starts. Then I start to meet and hang out with Africans at college, first it was Habesha, and Eriterans, which lead to Nigerians, Congolese, and then a few people who lived in Cote D’Ivoire and two brothers, who were Ivorian. I learned a lot from them about Ivorian culture and ways of life, but whats interesting is that I am not really accepted my Ivorians or other Africans either, partly because I’m only half, and I never have been “back home” and because I’m very ignorant about my own culture. Oh, well one day it got on my nerves so bad that I called my cousin Evelyne and tested her Ivorite. She could not and did not know of anyone who could speak any of the ethnic tongues, and she told me that our ancesteral village was Gerkain (sp?).

Somedays I wonder if I will ever go back to Cote D’Ivoire, well I know I will to bury my father one day when that occurs but before that I don’t know, I’ve recently started thinking about it, thinking that it would be nice to visit the grave of my grandmother. But then I think I’m only half, and going back there would probably jog memories that I have long suppressed and/or now are grappling with that I will save for a later post.

Here I am, this is me, a guy in between two states and I could never be president of either.

Just my thoughts

I love the G-H-E-T-T-O

2006-12-19T13:21:00.000-05:00

Man I miss my ghetto people sometimes, but lately its been increasing. I mean I live in northern VA which is totally devoid of Urban blight and ghetto-ness. They have this place called Woodbridge, that people call “Hoodbridge”, to this day I don’t know why, folks here don’t get it that you cannot be in a “ghetto” or “hood”, if the average price of homes is 400k. Or if you’re parents are still together and they are both working professionals you may live in an bad area but you are not in the hood. For those of you who have not had the privilege YES dammit privilege to live in the Ghetto let me hip you all to it up to it.

If you are driving through a neighborhood, and you see the following you are in the hood or ghetto:

Sneakers on telephone lines (which means that drugs are sold there)

A lot of empty lots with no construction

People sitting on their front porch, step, etc, in the middle of week during the day

Liquor stores, corner stores, check cashing places, and laundry mats are more prevelant than churches

Or better yet if you are driving and you experience the following you are in the hood:

You are driving then all of a sudden there is a traffic jam, why, b/c someone saw someone while they are driving and decide to hold up traffic and have a conversation and stop their car mid traffic, when the light is green.

You’re in your car then all of a sudden you feel, not hear, but feel the booming bass of someone else car as they ride by you. Your windows shakes, you get an irregular heartbeat, and all you here is the bass and not even the song.

Now onto what you see, when you’re in the hood, you will see things that are indigenous only to those surroundings.

Depending on how young the girls are you’ll see girls with the Peacock. The Peacock is a hairstyle akin to the ponytail and its when you don’t have enough hair to put in a ponytail you put the hair up in rubber band and then fan it out like a peacock’s feather to give the allusion of more hair, than what’s there. Sometimes you’ll see variations of it, with the hair being put in a white sock ball and a scrunchie.

Girls with baby powder on the neck, chest, and behind the ears, never rubbed in, so all you see is this white chalky powder on the girls necks and behind they ears.

Now this is something that both men and women have are gold teeth, not fronts, gold teeth in they mouth.

Then comes the fashion, hood folks have some of the most creative fashion aesthetic in the world. Most of the time they can’t afford the high end fashion, and more times than not the fashions are not available to them in the area near them . So they come up with their own, fashion sense. If you think hood fashions are not creative look at what is in style now, you’ll even see Haute Couture (if you don’t’ know what it is look it up), being inspired by what ghetto folks wear, and more importantly how they wear it.

But there are some experiences that are just so hood its hard to describe, like the Candy Lady. That big black lady that all the kids in the neighborhood know she has candy, everyone knows when she’s open for business, but the thing is, don’t’ no one EVER see her leave her house, and ironically she suffers from the “Suga”, which in layman’s terms means heart disease or diabetes.

Or even the ghetto games kids play, like standing on the corner looking at cars saying “That’s my car”. Little Mama’s playing those hand games like “Down, down, baby, down down the rollercoaster, sweet sweet baby mama’s gonna let you go, shimmy shimmy coco pop, shimmy shimmy bang, I like coffee, I like tea….” Real ghetto girls will be able to do the hand game, and know how to finish the rest of that. Shoot in the hood you liable to see a little boy or little girl dancing’ to the raunchiest song, knowing all the dirty lyrics, and can do it better than ANYONE else you will ever see on TV.

Shoot, I love the hood, I can’t help it, its not the idyllic place that some people want to make you think it is. Its not, its hard living there, real hard, its even harder to leave. But if you can make it there you can make it anyplace.

I see black men who are around my age and act just as shook around ghetto people and white people do around black people, guys who led a very…sheltered life and look down upon ghetto people like they are somehow inferior. All I can do is shake my head and laugh to myself, because what they don’t realize is how they feel about ghetto blacks that’s how some white people feel about blacks all together. I mean how can you want to lead the people, and think you are leader of the people when you disdain, and look down upon people you are allegedly trying to help….

Just my thoughts

Big Headed Bloggers

2006-12-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

Bigheaded Bloggers

We all are entitled to our own 15 minutes of fame, unfortunately most people don’t realize this and overextend their welcome. Look at all these reality TV stars, those bamas haven’t done a damn thing noteworthy or even respectable enough that should be remembered after sweeps week. But in our celebrity obsessed culture where it seems that everyone is trying to become famous for one reason or another, the internet is no exception. Especially bloggers, I will hand it to some there are more than a few noteworthy blogs that deserve attention not only for their layout, but also for their content the frequency of their postings, especially compared to this one. But for the most part, most blogs are good, interesting at times but overall a great diversion from work, school, or anything more productive.

But don’t tell some bloggers this, they swear the world is waiting with baited breath for their latest entry. Then some and this is what really gets me, when you make a comment about their blog, they have the nerve to hit you back with a cunty ass response. You know the type, responses that you can see them rolling their eyes in the back of the skull, and swiveling their neck around while typing the response, because its that bitchy. Perfect example, I commented on this guys site about something or another, I can even remember, and he responds back saying that I must not have read the full blog entry, because if so if I would have seen where he was coming from. Which I then replied saying that I did read it, and in fact if they would have read my comment, they would have realized that I was agreeing with them, and merely added a caveat to it. Part of me wanted to let the inner Ne-Ne ( the black ghetto girl that resides in me with a razor blade in her mouth, baby powda on her neck, and a jar of Vaseline in her pocketbook just in case she gots to scrap) and let her handle it, because she don’t take no SHIT. But I said no, that person isn’t worth it.

But what’s interesting is that a lot of bloggers are bigheaded about their blog, and take this so seriously some even act like it’s a gay gang. I’m like hey do what you do, but realize that blogging is not reality, when you stand behind a computer screen and type, that’s cool but don’t let this, or any one thing that is so temporal define who you are. I’m sure you have more to you than just this, if not go out in the real world and live. Carpe Diem!

Just my thoughts

2006-11-21T15:41:00.000-05:00

The Inauguration ball had all the intrigue, controversy, competition, and recounts that made it a fitting tribute to the contemporary political landscape. The ball started around 6 am, at the Bryn Manor in Oxon Hill, MD. The venue was very spacious, well lit, and allowed for free movement for all those who attended. The commentator was Deshaun Evisu who was able to control the crowd, appease the judges, and keep the momentum of the ball going.

After the judges were seated, the first category was Best Dressed Spectator, now to me there were plenty, plenty of very well dressed folks in attendance. But with that said there came this Ebony looking as if she her driver had gotten lost on the way to National Airport to take her back to Paris and she came in looking to use the facilities, very opulent, and very poised.

Virgin Vogue was interesting they had a few people vogue for the first time and what was cool was that the audience was surprisingly supportive for those who were putting themselves out there to be judged for the first time. This guy from the House of Krayola won.

Then the discrepancy, it started started with the BQ realness category which was there by divided into Thug, Pretty boy, and Schoolboy. Each had a specific way they were supposed to dress

Thug – “I am in the Army now” Army Attire
Schoolboy – “Learning and Achieving” ROTC Cadet Attire
Pretty boy – “Accelerate your Life” Navy Attire

But what happened was one of the first contestants came out in what looked to be an official Army Class A uniform, also known as Dress greens. But he got chopped, and let me tell you, the guy who was chopped was highly upset. I mean there is nothing wrong with feeling that you were undeserving disqualified but to storm off pouting and whispering obscenities under your breath is just poor form. Granted there seem to be some discrepancy as if he was deserved to be chopped, so they called him back like two more times and the judges kept chopping him. Ah well, but then for the ROTC Cadet Attire it was mess all around, guys coming in there with some black sneakers on, wrinkled clothes. I mean where were the starched creases, the rifle or anything? So they all got chopped. Then Pretty boys much like the Schoolboys, did not put any real effort into their category, and thusly got chopped.

The Designer cuts was interesting this one guy had the American flag inspired design and a flashing red-white-blue star in his head.

The Hands Performance started off very, very interesting. They had like five or six competitors that were chopped, not because of their artistic merit, or lack thereof but because they performed too far away from the judges panel. The judges wanted to teach them a lesson. But what was interesting was a guy named Cabbage Ebony jumped in and started giving hands, with the vigor and audacity that read “Bitch, try and chop me and see what happens!” After this, and some grumbling from the judges panel, Desahun Evisu and RJ Aga, called all the competitors who got chopped to compete again. This time some of them were chopped twice but others proceeded on. I don’t remember who won but I will say this: Those folks were telling a story, what it was I don’t remember, but it did remind me of liturgical dancing.

The Runway category was pretty good actually. I’ve seem folks compete in runways before when some of my friends would drag me to go to some HBCU’s fashion show and the modeling clubs at the school would compete, one word BORING. But, surprisingly so not this time, the outfits were to recreate Uncle Sam’s uniform and walk the hell out of it, which most of the contestants did with a cool, calm collected grace of a gazelle on the Serengeti. Each had a different variation but the none of the walks were haphazard in the least. But there was person who was different, his gaze was unflinching as if no one was in the room except for him and the judges. His walk was like a lion stalking his prey, calculated, pensive, and at the same time rhythmic. His name is Derrick Allure, and let me tell you Allure was right. The final battle was between him and this guy who was giving a very European stylized walk, then Derrick Allure switched up the walk and did a very Haute Couture walk and them moved seamlessly into a very Ralph Lauren, Donna Karan, All-American walk. Derrick won the battle.

Female Figure Sex Siren had two contestants this light skin girl who was from the House of Belleza, which is interesting b/c the House of Belleza is an all female house, and a new house. It will definitely be interesting to see where and how this house will develop.

Old way Performance Sorry I wasn’t really paying attention I saw Frank Leon Roberts and was debating should I go over and speak, I did not b/c I am very shy.

Butch Queen Face, it was interesting the first guy had some serious cheekbones like Grace Jones. But honestly after the third contestant there were variations in shade but they all started to look alike. Albeit they were very handsome young men but they did not possess that striking double take face that you find yourself staring at them because their face was so appealing and interesting to gaze upon. But I’m not going to lie I did fight the urge to ask them what they use on their face to make their skin so clear, I mean those boys need to be on a commercial for some skin care product. In fact maybe that should be a theme for a category. Hmmm

Realness with a Twist, I must say I was extremely apprehensive about this category because at the Evisu Ball nearly 12,342 guys came out the wood work to compete and it took over 45 minutes for that one category alone. So when I saw a good number of guys line up for this category I was thinking “Oh no, not again!” But the judges did the damn thing and processed and chopped a good amount of the guys who came up. The guy who won was a free agent and very good, handsome too.

Female Figure “Who Shall be the First”, the idea was that you were supposed to dress as if you were the first female president. The first contestant came out in some plastic slippers and a long black velvet dress, CHOP. The next contestant came out in a great outfit if you worked in an office, CHOP. But the third had it down, she came out there with two secret service men with the ear pieces holding photos of her. Them she came out dressed in demure black Chanel inspired power suit, with the double strand pearl necklace. The outfit had Nancy Pelosi, Hilary Rodham Clinton, and Condi Rice written all over it!

Presidential Invitation had a very interesting premise where certain people are invited to attend and to then compete for the 1200 dollars. I have to say that this was not only interesting but the group was hype for it, people where craning their necks to see some nasty Voguing Battles that were going down. The participants were both FemQueens and ButchQueens who were at the top of their game. With the very first battle one of the judges couldn’t see the battle so he the contestants had to vogue all over again. Now for anyone who is not familiar with voguing, its a very hard art form to master and to compete against someone means that you not only have your our routine but its also very improvisational and very no holds bar. So to ask the competitors who are running on adrenaline and tired to do what they did just to see it again seems unfair to the performers. But that aside the battles were hot, and to a certain degree you could tell it was not about the money but about reputation and bragging rights. Shaderra Prodigy was the one who won the money, I mean she was great, but what seemed to help her out was that she voguing more “in your face”, whipping her hair and her body around like a doll in the spin cycle she would then fall back and pop back up. I hope she uses that money to see a good chiropractor because all that she gave to the audience must have been hell on her back.

All in all it was an interesting night/day, there were certain observations I had.

There was this guy handing out trophies with some Eskimo inspired boots and a blue and white tartan kilt, the kilt was HOT.

I felt sorry for RJ Aga the one who threw the ball because the ball ended prematurely but it was a great event. There seems to be a hierarchy of houses, and that helps determine, along with how good you are in your category, how far you advance.
The judges needed to have been chopped they were rude, annoying, and down right trifling at times. It was clear that RJ and the rest of the people in the ball did not agree with their decisions but for the sake of decorum let the bad judgment go, better have bad judgments than bad blood.
Some of the guys in the audience were wearing some of the hottest labels out, and I kept thinking how can they afford it.
Ayanna Khan was smart she was there to give a spiel about her upcoming ball in September but after that she was GONE!

Just my thoughts

Oralsure Tests

2006-11-09T12:17:00.000-05:00

Ok a few weeks ago one of my friends and I were talking about HIV prevention and thinking of ways we could help out, and what hasn’t been done. So we came up with a few ideas. One thing was to improve the type of condoms and lube that they pass out, they need to pass out the ultra-thin condoms that ribbed under the head in order to simulate sex without a condom. Also there are water based lubricants that are so much better than Wet, and ID. In fact there are some that actually moisturize the skin and dry off without leaving your skin feeling sticky or oily. So that may be one way to increase safe sex efforts, give the kids what they want. You show someone that yes safe sex can not only be safe, but also increase the pleasure derived through sex. More folks will be willing to strap it up and lube it down.

Another option was to increase efforts to teach people how to have safer forms of sex such as masturbation, jerking another person off, rimming, and etc. My rationale for this was b/c if you learn how to increase the intensity and the pleasure of an orgasm more guys would be willing to do other things other forms of sex that aren’t as safe. For instance if you’re with someone and they can provide you with pleasure and get you to…ahem…climax but there was no real risk of transference of Sexually Transmitted Infections then I think that guys would be more willing to do so.

Then my boy brought a very republican, Christian conservative idea, which was to really crack down on cruise spots such as parks, bathrooms, etc. He said that guys who go to places like that for the most part are not engaging in safer forms of sex, and that the police if they really wanted to could crack down on these spots, b/c most of these places have been in existence for over 30 years. He even pointed out to the Chicago Public Health officials raiding the studio of Cocodorms b/c there were guys who were knowingly HIV positive have unsafe sex putting others at risk.

But I think our best idea was the take home AIDS/HIV test. For those of you who have not been tested recently, they have this test called OraSure, which is when they take a wand and run it across your gums and then put it in a solution to see if you are hiv positive or not. It takes about 20 mins to get the results. I think if this was placed on the open market like Preganacy tests then more people would know that they are HIV positive, b/c they would have been tested either by themselves, by a lover, or even a hook up. Let me paint the scenario for you.

You see someone you like and its just a hook up, or someone you’re talking to and its at that time when you want to “make it do what it do”. So you ask them to take this test just to see, if it’s a hook up you tell them to bounce or you bounce b/c they are unwilling to take the test. If its someone you are seeing on something serious, then this is a pefrfect opportunity to talk to them about why not, trust issues, where you are coming from and where they are coming from. Let’s be honest here, we know that HIV infection rates are not going down, and are increasing so we know the current free lube and condom ethos is not working. We know folks are going raw, so we need to make sure that they know hey this guy you are about to have sex with is HIV pos, and let that person make the knowledgeable decision to go raw, use a condom, or decline having sex.

Just my thoughts

FYI, I was surfing the internet and found out that you can actually buy Orasure tests. The link is here http://www.orasuretests.com/

Hope this helps

Celibacy

2006-11-07T11:03:00.000-05:00

Celibacy, that word has so much weight, for some it means an expression of their spirituality and making themselves pure once again, akin to virginity. For others they are saving themselves for the “one”, but some use it as a means to deal with their sexual demons. What better way to stop sexual addiction than to just stop. Just as there are different reasons for being celibate there are just as many ways to practice it.

When someone thinks of celibacy, the idea of not having sex is the first notion, but that is open to each person’s interpretation of sex. Some consider only anal and vaginal penetration sex and everything else is fair game. While others would attach masturbation, oral sex, rimming, and any touch thereof as off limits, to each his or her own.

Personally when I made the decision to be celibate is was for a number of reasons. The first was that I felt I was going “too fast”, that my sexual habits while not as much as others, was too much for me. Another reason for the decision was that the act of sex has lost a lot of its allure, not because I was not good at it. But it was because it just purely a physical act, no feelings involved. Without feelings involved there was no incentive for me or the guy to really make it something special. As any reader of my blog will know I am extremely concerned with contracting a STI (sexual transmitted infection), yes I practice safe sex, but there were times where I slipped up (show me someone who has never slipped up, and I will show you a liar, hell most of the worlds population were conceived because of slip ups).

As far as what I consider off limits is anal, vaginal (no worries there). I started my celibacy over five months ago, and I must say its going fairly well. I mean just b/c I’m celibate does not mean I am dead. But I can say when you take sex out of the equation certain things become clearer, well not clearer but easier to discern. It also it helps weed folks out, there are plenty of guys out there who say they are fine with dealing with someone who is celibate when they are really after a hook up and when they realize that me being celibate is actually in place.

One thing that most guys fail to realize is that if or when I am with someone seriously, its done, my celibacy will end. Because then I will be highly engaged in having and creating a memorable experience. But until then I am on self imposed celibacy, which isn’t bad, when I look at the alternative, for me.

Now before I get inundated with remarks on my posts that are sonnets praising the joys of anonymous sex, hook ups, and the like. Like me say this, do what you do, I cannot and will not judge you, because your sex life just not be how you define yourself. There is more to you than that, just as there is more to me than being celibate.

Now, I have a question for you all, is receiving head breaking vows of celibacy?

2006-11-04T14:06:00.000-05:00

Bette Midler: The Rose

They dont' make singers like this anymore.

2006-11-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

Bette Midler - Friends

One of my all time favorite songs ever.

30 year old Hoes

2006-11-02T00:49:00.000-05:00

As you all know there are certain gay black hot spots in the US. DC, NYC, ATL, and I bet in the next 5 years Houston will be added to that list, but that’s another discussion. You all know how that being a gay black hot spot means having good clubs (I’ll discuss this later), having organizations that are geared towards helping each other, and of course a higher than average population of men and womyn who identify as same gender loving. With that high population comes a multitude of various type of people, good, bad, and the hoes. Now, hoe’s come in different shape, sizes, and etc. But one thing I have noticed is that there are more hoes who are over the age of 32 than under. Growing up, I was always told or it was implied that when you are in your 20’s that is when it is socially deemed appropriate if you are going to be a hoe or “sow your wild oats” and the older you get the more mature and the less hoe-ish you should be. But what I have realized that, this is not the case, its actually the reverse, I’m seeing guys who are over the age of 30 being bigger hoes than guys who are much younger.
Think I am being an age-ist, log on to Adam4adam, and don’t front like you don’t have an account there, and just take a look you will see more explicit shots from guys who classify their age as over 30. In DC it seems to be over the age of 32. Now part of this may be due to the fact that guys come out later in life and they feel the need to go through gay adolescence and freak anything and everyone. Maybe that’s true, I don’t know. Maybe this phenomenon is only in DC, because for guys in that age range DC was the hot spot to be, similar to what Atlanta is now, or what Houston will be. So they are just continuing their activities that they did when they were younger and now just more upfront with it.
To me, its just sad and pathetic, simple as that, you’re old enough to be a teenagers dad, I mean really do I want to see Mr. Jenkins trying to holla at me in some Evisu jeans, that 50 cent G unit tight shirt muscle T, with a du-rag on your head. That is not gangsta in the least. Or better yet you’re online with your ass all out spread on a leopard skin rug in your Ft. Washington home, I’ll pass.
Conversely, the guys who are between the ages of 21-29 seem to actually be less on some sex shit and more on some I want to meet people. Of course some of them are lying, but from my own experience is that guys in that age range tend to be very much true to their word.

Just my thoughts

20 questions

2006-10-30T06:58:00.000-05:00

20 questions

Where are all the real singers at for this generation, I mean damn we don’t have any up and coming Luther Vandross, Patti Labelle, Shirley Caesar, you know folks who can SANG with undeniable talent, where are y’all?

Why in DC the black gay clubs are dwindling away, now its gay night at certain clubs, but with the large homosexual population in the DC metro area you can’t tell me there aren’t enough to have at least two clubs exclusively catering towards black gays every night of the week, yes the Delta is still around but that’s only Saturday, Fireplace and the Mill are bars so they don’t count.

Since I am on my traveling shtick now, um…how can I carve time out to work out?

How come all my friends have moved/ or moving away, is God trying to tell me sumthin?

Why is that Negroes can be the most ingenious folks when they are trying’ to pimp the system but act like they too lazy to work a job.

When am I going to be able to get my haircut?!?!?!?!?

Why have I been celibate for five months, and I’m not pressed to start back with anyone?

When was the last time you ever seen two Jamaican people together, romantically, in the US?

Why when you call and leave two messages on someone’s phone, why they got the nerve to hit you up online talking about they got your messages, and they going to hit you up? Just call damn, why you got to email me that you’re going to call?

Why are there like no black people in San Antonio?

If God made dirt, so dirt won’t not hurt…then who made pain?

Why now that I’m working out and put a photo of my back on facebook why am I all of a sudden getting friend requests…Negroes I tell ya…LOL

So I used to work out a Bally’s on L ST in the morning, and there were these guys I nicknamed the swole twins, why did I find out that the tall one is like 35 and gay?

But why do I still have crush on the shorter of the two, and why am I hoping that one day we’ll meet up and he’ll like me?

Why am I so bad at flirting?

Why 35 and up negroes are the ones who I’m most attracted to (with the except of the short swole twin)?

Why people think I’m mean, quiet, lonely, or arrogant when I first meet them, but after 5-10 minutes they then think I’m nice, amiable, great personality and a comedian?

So why I have slacked off my on making my mix tape?

Why am I ready to be famous…better yet infamous?

Are you ready for me?

Each One Teach One

2006-10-26T21:31:00.000-04:00

Each one Teach One

One thing that I always wanted was a mentor, someone who I could get advice from, learn from their experiences either professional or personal. When I was in college they had this group called Akoma Circle, which was to peer mentoring for black freshman and transfer students, I tried joining, but I was told that I really don’t need a mentor because I already had a plan, and I was working towards it. Now get this, I was asked to be a mentor for sophomores and juniors when it was my first yea. Honestly, it pissed me off b/c I felt that I was getting the short end of the stick b/c everyone thought I always had it all together which to a degree was the case, I’ve always worked towards my goals, had a strategic plan and stayed with it, and more often than not especially back then I achieved those goals.
Then I went to into the working world and I tried to get a de-facto mentor when I worked on the Hill but that didn’t work out, mainly because I was part of the “IN” crowd, one of those kids who went to an HBCU, or came from a family that had connections. So that didn’t work out for me. Then when I worked at an international consulting firm, I was in the process of securing a mentor and she was actually really knowledgeable, friendly, easy to talk to, and she was the one who hipped me how people in the know get jobs and network in DC. She worked at this place called Africare, which is the largest and oldest non-profit organization for aid to African run by African-Americans. So what she told me to do was to call these three people, who just so happened to be high up in the organization, drop her name, and ask for an informational interview. At the time, I had heard that of informational interviews, but not as a way to land a job but merely to gain information on the job field. So I did what she told me to, and I came in hand with my resume, to make a long story short, they were trying to find a place for me at the organization and basically said hey go back to school get a masters and come back to us, and you’ll have a job. Now, see this was the very first time, that anything like that had ever happened to me, and why did it happen b/c I had someone who was trying to help me in a manner similar to what a mentor helps a mentee.
Now to expand this concept to the gay life, there are a good amount of guys who have a gay father, from my understanding it is usually a guy who has been in the gay life longer than someone else who is new, like a neophyte, and gives them advice and helps them out. A friend of mine and I were talking, and saying how it would have helped us tremendously to have someone like a gay father that we could have learned from their mistakes and their experiences, instead of making them on my own.
But what kills me is that I’m not someone people think needs help, or ever have an inclination to try to help. There were times where I was asking for help and advice and people are unwilling to help me, why, b/c they think I am joking or patronizing them. When is it going to be my time to get a mentor, or is my role to be the mentee?

Just my thoughts

Don't Mess with Texas

2006-10-23T08:59:00.000-04:00

Friday I get a phone call from my job asking me what am I working on, so of course I tell them. Then a higher up at the company asks “Do you have any issues going to San Antonio?” Well to make a long story short the month of October that was supposed to be very laid back and boring, now not only am I traveling to San Antonio, but also Upstate New York, Southern VA, and Augusta, Georgia. There is only one week the week of the 23rd where I will be home for a full week, every other week I’m going to be traveling Monday to Friday, flying back home on Friday leaving again on Monday.

So I’m in San Antonio Texas, have you ever seen one of those movies that show Texas as this hot sunny somewhat desolate place? They were describing San Antonio, there is a stillness in the air, and short of the birds there isn’t too much activity from anyone. There are a lot of people of Mexican decent here, which isn’t a big surprise. But what was at least to me, is so far in 3 days I have seen a total of 10 black people in the city of San Antonio. Yesterday I went to their Riverwalk yesterday and it was cool a lot of restaurants and tourist friendly areas. One thing I have to say is that San Antonio has some great food! Yesterday I had great BBQ, and the day before some amazingly good Mexican Food. FYI don’t mess with Mexican Food if you have to drive, Mexican food gives me the ‘itis.

I got a phone call from this guy I met who was really cool, but I haven’t heard from him in a month. When he called me he told me he was okay, which was good, but he broke up with his boyfriend of two years. Basically he found out his boyfriend was trying to get back with his X, and actively seeking sex online from various website. I am not going to get into the nitty gritty, but after all this was said and done, my boy found out that this guy was pretty much a slut, he had approx 500 sex partners. My jaw was on the ground, and I just kept thinking that this guy had to have some serious sexual trauma happen to him on a continual basis. Man that’s a lot of fucking.

What’s interesting to me is that I was talking to my aforementioned boy, and he was telling me how some of his friends that where Khans how’d they steal money from corporations. What they would do, is that someone in that house would get the first a job let’s say at Coke-Cola, and after getting a paycheck they would take that check and take it to a computer where they had check writing and imaging software. Take that check and every few weeks print out a copy of the check, that they made. So I asked how come they don’t get caught, and he then informed me that they would write the check of amounts under the authorization level so unless there was audit these kids would not get caught. When he told me this, I was surprised that people would do this, just go and show face at a ball and hopefully win competitions.
As things develop I will definitely keep you all abreast.

Third Installment of T.E.R.P.S.

2006-10-20T09:43:00.000-04:00

Okay so here is my third installment of T.E.R.P.S., pretty much I’m doing well in almost all the areas, now I have to step it up both in intensity and in goals. So let me recap for those who are not familiar over the summer I developed this five point plan in order to improve myself on the five areas of life that I deemed important to me, Travel, Economics, Relationships, Physical, and the Spiritual.

Travel was and still is important for a few reasons, mainly because I usually sit home alone and wonder what the hell to do. Originally I had planned on saving up to go to Bahian Heat for 2007, and make an out of town trip at least once a month. Well as of now, I have most definitely traveled out of the DC metro area at least once a month, from going back home, Norfolk, VA, Philly, New York, and to Baltimore. I have definitely kept up on my domestic traveling, but as far as the Bahian Heat goes, I am not too sure I want to go on an exclusively gay thing anymore. Granted the price is most definitely right, but I am growing tried of the Pride scene. So right now I am rethinking, I am thinking about actually taking a trip in January, February, or March. This way its off season for a lot of tourist spots, and the crowds won’t be nearly as bad. In the mail a few days ago I got this coupon from NWA saying that I can travel roundtrip to anywhere in the US for 198, anyone have any suggestions? Oh my best friend and I decided last night we are going to go to the Evisu Ball in October, it should be very interesting, considering I really didn’t get to see anything but one category, but the energy was LIVE.

Economics, or my economic state rather is extremely important because I took a job where I make about 50% more than what I was making previously. I got a financial advisor signed up for two money market accounts, with automatic withdrawal from my checking account, rolled over money into my 401k, money that was automatically put into a savings vehicle with the state, now I have that money put into an IRA. But now, what I am working on or have in the works owning a home by Thanksgiving, which is five months earlier than I had originally planned. Refinance my truck after I buy my home, and in the process of doing all this clean up my credit report, get rid of as many errors as possible, and when take time comes along make sure I hire the best CPA for my situation. So that I can take advantage of all the take breaks that come along with owning a home. From there I want to aggressively pay off my credit card debit which is only 1600, and to pay off what I owe on my truck like 10k. Ideally I want to keep saving 200 a month at least, and pay off my credit card in 6-8 months, and to pay off my truck in two years.

Relationships, well this is probably the one area of myself and my life that I am not so good in. What I have done is strengthen the bonds I have with my true friends that I have, and cut off those aren’t really helpful. What I have found out is that, I only have three real friends, which is about average, but two are no longer in the DC metro area as of October, and my best friend lives in Richmond. So I’m finding myself more and more alone. So what I am trying to figure out now is how can I meet more people, currently the only activity I do consistently is go to the gym, but I’ll get into that later. I’ve tried doing the Habitat for Humanity but in the DC and Northern VA area, they do things so sporadically that its not consistent enough. For instance, I signed up for things to do in July, and its September and they are just now having some events. I was also thinking about joining a graduate chapter of my frat, but the more I think about it, the more it gives me a headache, I love my frat just not the brothers, well not most. So right now I’m trying to find some activities to get involved with so that I can start meeting people who have some interests outside of bedroom.

Physical, my physical is getting there. I am on this new workout regime where I workout two body parts a day for 5-6 days a week. Which pretty much means I’m hitting everybody part at least twice and I have definitely seen some results. I have done this four about four weeks and I have gained strength and lost about six lbs. I took creatine for like two weeks, and it has definitely helped. I’m not on creatine and will wait two weeks before trying cell tech. But what I really need more than any supplement is a workout partner. Because I find myself not pushing myself as far as I could for fear that I will drop the weight and cause physical damage. Every now and again, I ask for someone to spot me, and when I do I am able to push myself further than I ordinarily would.

Spiritual, I haven’t found a home church, but I honestly haven’t been looking. I started to revive some of my old spiritual practices that I used to do, and it centers me.

Adam4Adam redux

2006-10-20T09:39:00.000-04:00

Me and this website have a history together, I remember when I was on it as early as 2003, and the most at any time for people logged on was 400. Then after a while it grew, not only in numbers but the type of people that were on the website, whereas before when out of 20 people they had about three or four that had explicit photos, but as the site grew it changed from being like a gay Blackplanet to more of a cruise and hook up spot. Now recently after not being on the site for little over a year and a half I created a new account. The website is Adam4adam.com, now when I have logged in there are at least 1100 people logged in at any time, and there are more explicit photos than not. But that was not my rationale for joining the site again, I have started to travel a lot more, and I want to meet people in other areas outside of DC (Dirty City), and A4A provides a means to do so. So this time unlike in the past, I’m taking the site, and the folks on the site for what they are, pure entertainment. Two years ago, I was talking to a guy I knew about the site, and just internet sites in general, he told me something that I never thought of, that guys are living a life on the site that they are not in reality. Which once I thought about it, made sense, because that would explain so many headless shots, so many guys who write I’m looking for friends but specify that they only want friends who do this, or that in bed, and why there were so many obviously fake profiles. I mean who thinks that if you have a 40 inch waist that you’re anyplace near muscular, or bodybuilder build. Or a photo attached to a profile with stats that clearly do not match.
But to each his own, since my profile has no words, no sexual positions, and does not specify as to what I am there for. So it is interesting to see who contacts me and how they come across. So far most of the guys have been surprisingly demure and no where near as brash as they used to be. What I still don’t understand is how in the DC metro area there are at least 1000 people logged in at any point of time. I mean that just seems extremely high. To each his own, so I can’t judge.
What comes out of all of this will be interesting to see, one of my friends has and continuously finds boyfriends, but other ones I know are not in contact with any of the guys they met from any website. Again, it will be interesting.

Just my thoughts

Who's the gay rapper?!?!?!?!!?!??!

2006-10-16T11:54:00.000-04:00

A few years back I heard noise about this openly gay rapper, I first I thought it was gimmick then I saw a documentary about him, and his name was Caushan. I also heard that the boy was supposed to have skills, and that some radio DJ in New York were backing him, Starr and Buckwild. Then one of my boys told me that he supposedly had heard his song that was take on Biggie’s single, the name escapes me, which he took the song and discussed how he’d like to fuck some of his favorite rap stars. I never heard it, not even in a gay club so I don’t know how well he interpreted BIG’s song. But to me it brings up a really good point, how come you don’t have any gay rap stars at least on the underground, I mean various cities have their own underground scene, and they will play an up and coming artist in their club, but not for gay clubs.

Someone told me about a group called the Deep Dick Collective, but I never heard of them, but from what I gathered, which I could be wrong they were maybe a little too intellectual for the rap scene in general, a little too heavy on the gay and not enough on the rap. Then of course you heard the allegations thrown at every female rapper who isn’t jumping around praising the money cars and riches her pussy got here about how they must be real gay, and always butch too. But there are way too many gay men who grew up on rap and hip-hop for some of the artists out now not to be. I mean I want to hear some gay rap songs, that you wouldn’t really know they were gay except for the pronouns, I want the production to be on the same level as other up and coming artists, for the creativity to be there, and the lyrics to be banging. But since I can’t find anyone, who is doing this, I’ve decided to write, produce, and rap my own gay themed mixtape. The sole goal of this really isn’t to become famous, but to hear good music at the gay clubs when I go, I mean Beyonce, Rihanna, Busta, and et al, all have hot songs, but on some level they don’t speak to me, and since no one else is speaking to me, I guess I will have to raise my own voice. I’ve told my friends about my idea, and they think I’m joking and they think I’m crazy, which means I’m on the right track. I have been writing lyrics and after that, I have to um shop for some beats, and book some studio time, get it pressed up, and talk to some gay DJ’s and see if they’re willing to play it at just to see if folks will fuck with it.

Maybe someone else is already doing this but I don’t know, but I’m definitely going to have to done in time for my 25th, I’ve read my lyrics to some of my friends, and they like them, so it’ll be cool to see kids grinding to my joints!

Just my thoughts

Evisu Ball Revelation!

2006-10-13T13:00:00.000-04:00

Greyhound E-ticket roundtrip fare from DC to NYC: $ 46.00

Cost to the Evisu Ball: $ 30.00

Spending time with my cousin/best friend: Priceless

So now that I’m fully rested from my Evisu Ball experience, I will say this, it was definitely an experience that is not for the faint of heart, the sleepy, or the impatient. First off thanks to the Asian bus driver chick on the greyhound bus that drove us from DC to NYC in a little under 4 hours from there Bookie and I then took the A train (shout out to Duke Ellington), while on the train I was trying to see guys who I thought may be heading to the same place we are, I did see this fine chocolate guy, who I was right about, turns out he was videotaping the whole ball, and his name is Andre Revlon. After walking to the ball, we get in line, and I’m noticing about at least 4 guys that I recognize from being in DC, small world after all. One turns out I saw walking on my obsession in the white trunks in the sex siren category and was a feature at Ballroom Rockstar, not only is he fine as May wine, he’s a Balenciaga (Aga). I will discuss them later, while in line I also see this tall chocolate brother, who incidentally went to the same barber as myself on George Avenue. While in line, we hear this loud yelling in the back, and turns out there are some Puetro Rican guy was fighting, or getting beat, there were too many people blocking my view, and I was not about to get caught up in some mess. But after that died down, everything was kosher.

So we make our way upstairs and the venue is small but packed, it looked like a step show at an HBCU. While in the venue looking for a seat, we spot a fellow Alum Taurus, and she was walking in women’s face. She’s in a new house and I don’t remember the name of it, one of her best friends started the house, and is the house mother. Their table was right next to the Balenciaga table(s). Now, I don’t know, nor profess to know a lot about the House culture, like some people. But there seemed to be certain Houses that were the “grand dames” over other Houses, for those who are Greek think about the divine 9 but only five count, and don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about .

So after sitting and waiting, and sitting, the MC’s come out and start getting the crowd hyped. After what seems to be an endless parade of Legends, Icons, Stars, shout outs, and random ass people, the ball starts around 2 am. The Ball starts with a very long performance by the House of Evisu, the house that was ball was organized by, and named after. It seemed to be the various stars of the House of Evisu in their respective categories from around the US. Then there was a performance by old head twisters (I’m using the term old head as a means of respect to those who had obviously been performing a long time and are extremely talented).

While all this was going on, I was looking around the various guys that where there. I will tell you this, that a lot of those guys were YOUNG. I felt like I was looking into the faces of the future. I mean I can’t front some of them I was like, holler at you in 4-5 years when you’re 23 and up. There were two dark skin young men looked like 18-21. The first one, West Indian or African looking guy who was walking as an Aga in the category of Realness with a Twist. Very good-looking, and it seemed that this was his biggest ball he’s been in, and he was extremely polite. He had to keep crossing over to get to his clothes and whatnot, and he seemed very nervous, my best friend and I were helping give him his clothes, and outfit, etc. He definitely had that realness down to T, and when he did his element (red = hands) he was pretty good, but unfortunately he was chopped (meaning one of the judges did not want him to go to the next round). The other guy was sitting at the house table and he didn’t compete but was there I guess for moral support.

Disclaimer= I do not mean any harm but I will have to say what was on my heart about this one person, unfortunately Harold Aga, the father of the House of Balenciaga.

That big black ass man got on my last damn nerve! I just kept thinking can someone throw negro a piece of Ms. Peachez fried chicken so he can shut the hell up! This bamas (you like that dc slang right) first off he was not sitting or standing with his house table, instead he stood the whole night next to the stairs that contestants had to go up in order to compete, in my opinion that was wrong. I mean people had to pass him, and he’s a big guy, so he can be physically intimidating especially when he’s eyeing you up and down, just b/c you’re competition and he’s sizing you up. There needs to be rule that if you’re not walking in that category you cannot be near the stairs. The second and most annoying was that this negro has a booming voice that carries and permeates any eardrums within hearing distance. Being Greek I can understand and appreciate having love and pride in your organization/house, and repping that to the fullest, but I do not need to have your hot ass breath straightening the hair on the back of my neck, especially when its 3,4,5, and 6 am, and you are in bad need of some altoids . Overall I was just annoyed by him, he may be a great guy, a great house father, but that night he was too much.

Oh before I forget, let me tell you what happened with my cousin and this guy. My cousin in a real woman, meaning that she has a fully functioning uterus, and there were a lot of fem queen transsexuals that had varying degrees of passability. But as Taurus and I were talking there was this guy who was trying to get my cousin’s attention. But come to find out he thought she was passable transsexual. My cousin was actually happy with the compliment because some of those girls were so close that they were better looking women that you couldn’t even imagine them as man.

Now onto the categories, I only stayed to part one because I couldn’t hang with the kids, I guess having a full time job has really impeded on my ability to hang out all day and night. But out of the categories I saw I will tell you this, some of the folks brought it in my opinion. I mean damn there was this one femme queen from House of XTRAVAGANZA that bitch was so real that I thought the House of XTRAVAGANZA were cheating by letting that Puetro Rican girl in that category, but what really surprised me was that she didn’t win, that some other girl won, was no where NEAR as real that that homegirl, can we say politics. Evidently, the House Mother and Father of XTRAVAGANZA were surprised b/c they brought that chick back, and were like what the hell, can you see that she’s damn near menstruating, that’s how much she was a damn woman!

But overall my favorite category was Realness with a Twist, which is basically guys who can pass for straight, but then vogue down in the most feminine looking outfits out. What killed me is that there were so many guys walking, man that line was longer than the free lunch line. What was really interesting is that even as a gay man I was surprised to see these guys who a. I couldn’t clock, and b. that there were so many. I guess I still have some lingering prejudices, and stereotypes. The biggest compliment, my cousin gave unwittingly was that she leaned over to me and asked, “now all these guys are straight that like to vogue right?” I had to let her know that in theory, and maybe there have been guys that have been comfortable enough in their masculinity and heterosexuality to compete in such an environment but more likely than not, no they were all gay.

One thing I would like to get into would be how can people pay for the costs of the ball, the costs of becoming a transsexual, and the what happens when they have sashayed their at their last ball, did their last dip, do the houses really help the kids situate themselves so that they can have a life outside the ball? How many of these kids who are involved in the ballroom scene go to college, job corps, dance troupes, or otherwise lead productive lives. The reason why I ask is because the voguing that these kids perform show both dedication and a natural talent, that I if they love to dance like that then they could in any dance troupe. The guys and girls who compete in Sex Siren categories do they become personal trainers or somehow otherwise involved in that field. Nothing pains me more to see young kids who could be my little brother or sister, with such talent and no one is helping these kids, motivating them or at least showing them the different options that are out there. I hope the house parents are good people and are grounded in reality so that they could help the kids who really want or would be willing to accept the help.

The Evisu ball will be my last ball for awhile because I cannot hang with the kids, you all are too tough for me, I’m beginning to feel my age, 24 going on 50, isn’t that bout a bitch?!?!

Just my thoughts

Where have all the booties gone to?

2006-10-10T13:24:00.000-04:00

WHERE HAVE ALL THE BOOTIES GONE

There is a new culture revolution happening and its been happening for a few years now. At first it started popping up around major cities in the Northeast. Now it has spread to every known place within the continental United States. It is on its surface so discrete that only those with a trained eye, and a connessuer of sorts could spot it on the horizon. Now it has reached epidemic levels to which I fear there is no turning point. What is this you ask….I dare not speak its name….No Booty Revolution.

This No Booty Revoultion was always in place for who um er…lack enough melanin to retard the suns ravaging effects on their skin (y’all know who I’m talking about). But it has now I fear spread to the last stalwarts of the Booty, the guardians of the traditional exhaltation of the posterior, people of African descent. Yes, there are a few of us who keep the old traditions alive and well, who not only exhalt the rear end up are possessors of its power. Yet this select few has been dwindling for years now. This revolution was very slick I tell you very slick, in the 80’s and earlier on shorts where just that short, pants were tailored and slender in cut so that those who possessed a bountiful backside were able to bring light into the world by showing what God and they Mama had blessed them with. But in the early 90’s under the guise of safe sex campaigns and a new thug culture, baggy clothes came into style. Promoting the use of excessive fabric to cover up the body and the power of the B double O t-y. At first people thought it was trend and a style that would go away, but here we are damn near 16 years later and still no end in sight to the sloth like look. Conjointly, there must have been a cataclysmic change because for some reason one day it seemed Black People lost our collective ass.

I cannot tell you how it pains my soul to see long back Black who cannot even fill out a pair of LEVIS in the back, All I do is shake my head in shame. What makes it even worse is that there is no collective outrage at this pheomena. Which has struck both men and women, a damn shame. Nothing perturbs me more then when I’m dancing with someone and they turn around and start to grind and all I feel is their coccyx grinding against my pelvis., many a times I have had to just stop dancing because it was just too painful physicadlly and emotionally to go on.

What kills me is how people want to act like now our European brethren are no gaining what we once lost, this is a fallacy. This is just another deception of the epidemic, our Anglo-Saxon counterparts did not gain anything! Rather that we lost so much! When is Tavis Smiley, Keith Boykin, and all these so called leaders going to start addressing the real issues, where have all our booty gone.

Even the entertainment industry is lamenting the loss of the booty. Sir Mix-A-Lots ode to the beauty of booty was actually him waxing on sorrowfully because he cannot find what was once plentiful. When Cash Money sang Back that Ass Up, they are asking women to show their beauty for they knew, they knew that the booty was diminishing. Even the women are noticing that now having a rump is nowhere near as good as it used to be, Erykah Badu’s lyric in a song called Booty sums it up “Your booty may be bigga, but I still can pull yo’ nigga”. A hot shitty mess that small back, no booty having girls think they can now take a man away from a girl who has more than enough to fill out any pair of jeans.

But there are a few of us holding down the fort, fighting against the anti-booty epidemic ravaging our community, namely Big booty Keisha, Buffie the body, and Me. We all possess and know the power of what we have, the force is with us…..is it with you?