Mean Mug?!?!!?

So I haven’t posted in a while, sue me. Now that I have that out of the way let me catch you up on what’s been happening with me. In between giving tutorials to the local youth on how to walk it out, and what do with the chicken noodle soup with the soda on the side, I have been really trying to improve myself in various ways. I’m still on the TERPS plan, and I don’t want to get too deep into right now, but I may in the future when everything falls into place. I’ve definitely been getting around and just going out and that has been an experience. For instance in the last month I have been to Baltimore a lot, I’m liking Baltimore more and more. I went to two house parties, and one birthday party.

Going to these events have cemented certain things that I need to work on. I really need to learn how to flirt and pick up on flirting, for someone who is adept on reading people and being able to accurately size people up as far as their securities and insecurities; I suck at the whole flirting exchange. Perfect example, I went to a house party, and of course I rolled solo, I only knew the guy whose house it was, we chatted for a bit but he was engrossed in a game of spades (side note: Black people stop throwing parties were all you do is have a spades games going on this is not a party it is a card game) so I wandered around the home for a minute. I must say I did feel out of place because everyone knew each other, and the vibe of the party was just weird, hard to describe but it was different. While I’m there I notice that there is this dark skin guy there, who’s attractive, but I see him looking me up and down and then turning away. I just choked this up to him checking out my outfit or even me and being disinterested. But through the course of the night I see him and his boy over in the corner whispering and looking in my direction. So I move to see if it still happens, I move and then I see them looking at me again and chuckling to themselves. From this point I’m ready to go over their and live up to my alias Dialtone, why, because I’m off the hook, and say something out my mouth that those who know me I am infamous for giving people “well damn” moments. Well Damn moments moments when I say something to someone that they never heard and are not expecting and between being in shock and dumbfounded all they can utter is well damn.

So I stand by my friend playing cards and I just keep noticing that guys are looking me up and down and not saying anything or looking away. In my mind I start getting upset because I take this as folks sizing me up and etc. The more it happens the more I start to grit and put that “don’t fuck with me face” on. I’ll get more into my face later. So in order not to turn this guy’s party and house out, I leave early and just go home upset, I have already came to the conclusion that these guys were being shady to me for whatever reason. Later on that weekend I see one of the guys that I thought was being a bitch, and I sent him a terse message basically saying that hey next time you have something to say about someone don’t whisper it, use those balls between your legs and say it to their face. He responds confused, and after about five response, come to find out that dark skin guy found me attractive but he didn’t approach because I look mean.

I get that so much, even as a little kid people have said you look mean, evil, pissed off, upset etc. Which is hardly the case, friends, family, frat, and associates all attest that I’m much nicer than what I seem. I’ve tried to “think happy thoughts”, walk around with a smirk or smile on my face, etc, etc to combat this but nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?

The birthday party I went to again I rolled solo, but I did stick out like a sore thumb, see there was a dress code that the person who invited me did not let me know. So I was needless to say self conscious about the dress, and that I didn’t get to go to the barber soon enough, well that did not really help things out either LOL. But I saw one of my old coworkers from Kuhlman, we had a good time. I saw some other people I knew and I spoke to the ones I knew. So see a few guys that I find attractive, but I don’t even know how to approach them or anything, I’m hopeless….


Anyone have any suggestions?