Wise & Young

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Is it possible

Is it possible for you to be an openly gay African-American male, and have straight friends who do not treat you differently or act as if you're a Eunch? Ever since I started letting people who I was cool with and close to konw that I was/am gay, I have noticed a change especially with the women. It seems that women view you as "one of the girls" real real real quick, and not as a man who likes other men. This being one of the girls situation is something I see no matter how masculine or feminine you act, it doesn't matter they act like they can confide in you EVERYTHING. Sometimes, actually quite a bit its something that really makes me question how I'm viewed, and even to a degree the basis or the nature of the friendship. Now, on the flip side, ironically, my friendships with my straight male friends hasn't changed in that manner. In fact, I could argue that we've grown closer in most cases. Which honestly, I thought that those relationships would change, or become distant. But this idea got me thinking, is there validity in the claim that many gay people use, saying that they don't "out" themself, b/c the relationships that they have cultivated over the years are going to change abruptly, because I can see how that is the case in my situation with folks.
But was I being naive to think that things would not change in this manner or am I being naive in thinking that my straight male friendships have not changed in an equally polarizing way, but I am too blind to see it? Maybe, I mean its only natural for people to build friendships and associations with similiar traits. With something as polarizing as sexuality I guess it is fool hardy for me to believe that many of the friendships that I have would not change.

Just my thoughts......


  • You're friends are stupid! They need to get it together.

    By Blogger mytruth, at 2:04 AM  

  • I touched on this subject on my blog in a post titled Friendship. I have gay male friends and I just see them as men who happen to like other men, not one of the girls.

    By Blogger LUVIN ME, at 9:14 AM  

  • WOW...deep AG. I never thought of it that way. I wonder if I do that to you...if I do I don't mean to (and I'm sorry) but I think if I've confided in you it's cause you are a confidable friend (is that even a word) it has nothing to do with you being gay.

    By Blogger Honey-Libra, at 1:40 PM  

  • I can see how that can happen with females. I don't see them as treating me as one of the girls just being more open to discuss certain things like their true intent with males. They understand you go through the same things. A straight man can't relate in that manner. So once you cross that bridge and change teams they will be more willing be free with you. As for your relationships with straight males changing for better. I happen to think it is not so much them changing toward you but you changing toward them. You don't realize how reserved you when when haven't shared that part or your life with them. You often lie a lot or withhold information so not to tip them off. With the decite you can never truely develop a serious friendship but once you open that door and become more honest you are able to more of yourself. I happen to think that the change very often happens in us as much as in them. That is the reason you choose to tell them so you can be free in a sense.

    By Blogger No4real4real, at 1:50 PM  

  • Damn, in 06 your making me think way too much. As for me at least, I still view you as a friend...'nuff said. Friends don't have a color, gender, age, status, etc. A friend is someone who you can chill with and have fun with.

    By Blogger BMass, at 3:26 PM  

  • It's possible that things didn't change much with your str8 male friends because they may have suspected you as gay all along. Guys tend to pick up on it as quickly or more than females. It's just they are conditioned not to mention it. (you know unless they want to insult you in a fit of anger). I have not had any females that I came out to treat me as one of the girls. Then again, maybe they always have been..hehe confiding in me all along.

    By Blogger T. Zac. R. R., at 6:54 PM  

  • i think it's time for some new friends.

    By Blogger DizYaBoy, at 7:26 PM  

  • I've never had that problem...but it depends on what kind of relationship/acquaintance you've had with those people...if you had a great friendship with these people, then they would have stuck around.

    By Blogger ProfessorGQ, at 4:45 PM  

  • hmmmmm... interesting... i have had similar experiences, the small group of friends that i do know, the relationship has not changed at all. and i thank God for that... i wonder if 206 will be the year that i come out to all of them.... hmmmmmmmmm

    By Blogger P. Alonzo Harris Jr., at 7:30 AM  

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