Sorry 2004

Those who are know me in real life will remember 2004, when Reuben Stubbard's song "Sorry 2004" was a hit. Ironically, I used that song to deem my life in 2004...sorry. But in retrospect it was really a time where I was getting tried and tried again, and again. Like most of the problems in ones life, I caused them, or aided in their intensity. For instance, there was a time period when I just graduated from college/university (or so I thought), my co-of had ended pre-maturely, I did not have any money saved up, two months behind on my rent, and I hadn't eaten in about 3 days. Ironically at this time, I knew MAD people, fret, sorors, alumni from my alma mater, friends, and associates. Pretty much all of them knew my situation, some thought I was exaggerating others were/are wrapped up in their own drama, and out of about 100 people three people stepped up, and tried to help by giving me either food, or money.

Lesson One: When you're down, and troubled, and you need a helping hand..Very few people are there.

During this time period, I started to contemplate prostitution so that I could have food, and money to pay my rent. I went so far as to put ads online and see who responds. At the same time, I swallowed...My pride and went to the public assistance office and asked for emergency food stamps, b/c the day before I did not eat, and the day before that I did not eat. I gathered my rejection letters from various places that I applied for work, which at this time amounted to about 25, and printed out my negative balance in my bank account. When I finally got to see a case worker, I explained my situation, and she was so moved that she got her and her boss to give me 20 dollars to help me buy food before the emergency food stamps would kick in, since the food stamps would take about 3 weeks to kick in. So about 2 weeks later I finally got a prospective "John" to my place who was interested in my "wares", when I met him I invited him up to my apartment, we talked for awhile, and I showed him my notification that my rent was 2 months past due, and he saw my paltry fridge, with about 2 days worth of food in there. Then he invites me to go to Pentagon city with him, in my mind I was thinking let me get this over with, but I reluctantly go. Well to make a long story short, this man who just met me, bought me $195 worth of groceries from Costco, and gave me 350 dollars towards my rent. Why, because he couldn't take advantage of someone in my position, and he felt that it was the right thing to do.

Lesson Two: Help comes from the people and places you LEAST expect it.

Sometime during 2004, I don't know what or how it got that way, but my Mom and I stopped talking, she came to my commencement, and it was just painful for both parties. During the summer when most of this drama was occurring I started going to church, why? Because I needed Jesus in my life honestly, I'm not very religious, but I am deeply spiritual so I started going to a Unitarian church in DC. Let me tell you all, the Rev. There is ON POINT. She had this one sermon that really touched me, which if I remember correctly was called "Loving and letting go" which basically talked about how you can love someone but sometimes you need distance, or you need to let them go so they can grow and mature and for you to do the same. So I wrote my mom an email and that got the ball rolling, granted my Mom and I will never have the perfect relationship, but its better than it was at that time.

Lesson Three: I need a spiritual base to help me through, keep me grounded, and to grow.

In January of 2004, I met this guy, let's call him "John", John hit me up online and we began to talk. We met up and hung out, and kept talking, and things progressed. We would talk 2-3 x a day, we hung out. It got serious enough for him to ask me what did I want him to do, either come to my graduation, or help me move in. I picked helping me move in, b/c he already stated that for my graduation present he was going to take me to BET music award show. So the day came, for me to move in. He came as promised, and help me get about 2/3 of my stuff out of storage, only leaving my bed which we were going to get on the second run to the storage facility. When we got there, John was moving SWIFTLY, to help me move in. Then he got a call from his brother which was about 10 mins away. He said that he would be right right back. Which I mean he was helping me move so I said sure. 30 mins later no word, which was fine, an hour later, I started to get concerned, 2 hours later I was really panicked. So to make a long story short brutha left me stranded there. No explanation, no words, nothing.

Lesson Four: Rejection comes in many forms/ Try not to depend on people

There were many other lessons I learned during that year, such as you can't trust everyone. Learn from your mistakes on the first go round or life has a way of presenting the same situation over and over and over again. Or the best one, when you're doing wrong you're surrounded by people, but when you're doing right you tend to be alone. I could have become bitter and hard and thought that it's me against the world. But in the end what would that accomplish?

Just my thoughts