Spring has Sprung early....

Spring has sprung a little early it seems. Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs, by my number, sands, and friend Virginia Slim. To my surprise they are in the process of getting back together with their X. The surprise was that I did not know any of this, at all. In fact, it seems as if they were keeping this from me or did not feel comfortable sharing this, but they put in their blog, its cool. But what really hit me was that damn its official damn near everyone I know if in the process of nesting with someone, or already nesting, everyone. With the exception of my cousin/best friend Bookie, and I. Hell, earlier this week my ADP Hammertime sent out an email to everyone that he and his girlfriend of eight years are engaged.

I can’t help but feel extremely self-conscious, when I say everyone I know around my age that I know is coupling I mean everyone. There is a crew to which I’m on the peripherily called “Da Fam” and basically its about 4 or 5 couples who hang out on a consistent basis. These are great people, salt of the earth but I cannot help but feel out of place. A perfect example is this past New Years party which they hosted I had to slip out when the couples started to get too cozy. Then after that, I drove home alone, to an empty apartment. What the hell?!?!?!?!!?!??!!?!?

Hell in fact I just counted and I know over 30 of my friends/associates that are boo’ed up. This cuts across sexual orientation, its any and everyone. Except my cousin and I. I must be doing something inherently wrong for someone not to even try to grab my attention or flirt or anything of that nature. Now the inevitable question comes, do I really want to be with someone. I can honestly say I’m open to the idea and the possibility. But even more than that, damn a man cannot live on bread and water alone. I want to feel desirable, I want someone to flirt with me, and try to get to know me better. I mean damn can a nigga get a date shit!?!?!?!?!?!

This lack of attention has started to reach dangerous levels. In fact, I’m finding folks who I ordinarily I would not think of as attractive, as some fine ass folks. It’s like my eyes have lowered their standards in an effort to widen my potential mates. Almost as if my pupil dilates with less choices trying to draw in more and more options. Again what is going on. I’ve done some soul searching and some looking in the mirror see am I that unattractive to people? Is there something inherent in my spirit that turns people off the notion that I am more than a sexual being? Is this my fate, to be alone.

I have even gone back to my upbringing and thought well maybe its because I came from a one parent household and that is why I am not with someone. Because I am not familiar with nesting and coupling behavior, is this the case? People tend to emulate what they are used to seeing and how they were brought up. For many people their choice in significant others can be related back to childhood experiences. But what about me, I did not grow up privy to that, so by that am I destined to suffer the ravages of time alone? (yes that last sentence was real dramatic but you get the idea)

Or does this mean that I have to work doubly as hard to make things work. I don’t know what it is, but its something. Everyone around me is coupling, and granted I am open to the idea of truly dating and getting to know someone it does not seem like its happening, or its ever going to happen. In fact, I’m 23 going on 24 and I have yet to be in a “relationship”. I guess some things weren’t meant to be.


Just my thoughts.