I am not a baller nor do I pretend to be

I am not a baller nor do I pretend to be

In fact I lead a pretty financially stringent life, as discussed earlier I am not adverse to working two jobs, I did it for the better part of 2005. Partly because I believe in paying dues and thought that sometimes its more important to gain experience instead of financial gain. So I worked two jobs, then when the opportunity presented itself, IE my current job situation I took it. The main reason being that I could take credits up to 12 credits a year for free. So the gameplan was to apply to take a graduate course or two then apply to grad schools that the university has then take courses as a grad student for that program. Due to this line of reasoning, I thought that it was more beneficial for me to take a job I really cannot use as far as ultimate career goals are concerned but I could rationalize it to future employers, I did it so that I may take go to grad school for free. But now I'm beginning to feel the pinch, in more ways than one financially.

Recently I started to apply to different graduate schools, and I sent away my first application and the fee was 60 dollars, so after paying my rent and buying groceries, I could not understand why I was so short on money. Then it dawned on me, its because I was 60 dollars short. Now at first I was thinking well maybe its because I'm not budgeting my money right, but then I looked at my spending habits and that is not the case, in fact I try to save money every time I get paid, but between having a one bedroom apartment, a car, car insurance, and other expenses in order to live I end up dipping into the savings I try to establish. Besides that, certain family issues have intensified and I'm thinking about moving back home to Norfolk, VA. Doing this would throw a serious monkey wrench into a lot of my plans I had for myself, including going to go graduate school. Granted I found a graduate program down there that I would more than likely get accepted into, but there are a lot of issues. Some being that the graduate program isn't nearly as highly regarded as the others that I am applying to, moving back home and being near my mom would cause a lot of stress because our relationship is strained at best, and trying to find a job that I am not only qualified for but one that I would enable me to help my mother financially.

Part of me is thinking about looking for a higher paying job in the DC area, and then go to school part time, financing it through student loans or by any means necessary going part time. Thereby allowing myself to gain the income necessary to give back financially. Which does not seem that bad but there are two issues with this. The first being that recently I was contemplating going to school full time and knocking it out so I would not have to work and delay my graduation, plus two of the programs are full time programs. The other being the whole idea of getting paying job that is not in my field of interest but one that I could make money to help my mother out, because the fields of interests that I have and that I went to school for are not ones that you make money in until you reach the upper echelons, which could take a decade.

Unfortunately I knew this day was coming, I just did not think that it would come so soon. Ever since I was five I knew my life was not solely my own, but rather my actions, or inactions rather would have a direct effect on my family. I have always tried to be there for my mom and my brother, but it seems like nothing I do is ever good enough. Yet I cannot stop trying I never want to look back with regret thinking that I could have done more.

Just my thoughts