Wise & Young

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Living Single

Yesterday, a friend of mine were on facebook, basically oogling at various people on facebook. To me he kept looking at or liking people who just were not doing anything for me, and I let me know him. But throughout the time, he kept saying you are too picky, your standards are too high. Now this is not a new accusation for me, plenty of people who have a casual acquaintance with me, are quick to think that I am looking for perfection, or an ideal that is unattainable. But that is not the case, I am open to all types, except for overweight, and extremely thin, yet it did bring up a bigger question. Am I alone because my standards are too high, or its not my time to find that “one”.

In this day and age, where straight, gay, and otherwise are exposed to various ideals of perfection, ways to achieve this perfection from your head to your toe, and in the shortest time possible have we become more wrapped up on the pretty packaging that what is one the inside? I will be the first to admit that looks do play an integral part, in finding someone, and as much as we hate to admit it, we all have our ideal. Some like them thick, athletic, hungry looking, light, dark, effeminate, hyper masculine, coke bottle shaped, or an ass that could make Trina and Buffie the body look like Kate Moss from the back. But what looks good isn’t always for you. Case in point, I used to go to Bally’s on L ST, now this gym is infamous in DC, because honestly a high percentage of the patrons and Black gay men. When I first started frequenting the gym, I was about 6’3” and 155-160 lbs with a 29 inch waist, yea I was very small. For about the first few months, not one was paying me any type of attention, the most I conversation I got was “how many reps do you have left?”. But I started gaining weight, and my body in a year went from 155 to 210, and my waist grew from 29 to 33. With this change, there was one guy who flirted and we went out, his body was/still is amazing, an ex-marine and ex-stripper. He had a great smile, and a great personality. But that was it, there was nothing else there, we shared no similar interests, conversations were vapid at best, and we stopped calling each other because, hell we didn’t have too much to say. So with all that wrapping that was nothing really there to draw us in and build anything.

What should I do, should I date someone who I think we may have similar interests, but there is no physical attraction? I tried that too, after heeding some bullshit ass advice, I started talking to this guy who, yes we had a good amount in common. Very intelligent guy, witty, very driven, etc, but there was no physical attraction on my part at all. I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone, and he was not for me. It got to the point where I started to resent him for things that were not his fault but my own, and I started to become a mean, and very condescending person to him, which he did not deserve in the least. It was because I was frustrated, I did not feel any attraction to him physically and the more and more we talked, and got to know each other, the very idea of me kissing him, repulsed me. But I did learn a valuable lesson, which a friend mine re-interates constantly, never settle. Never settle for anyone who you think you can grow to love, or grow to be attracted to, you are not being honest with yourself nor that other person.

So where does that leave me? I guess it leads me to where I am now, I am alone but not lonely. I’m satisfied with where my life is leading me, and I am pre-occuppied with my T.E.R.P.S. plan really to lament about me not having anyone. If love comes my way, great, but if it does not and I never find anyone, I’m okay with that too.

Just my thoughts


  • you're still young ... a relationship right now is not mandatory ... you do have to be open but you learn all that w. time

    By Blogger Clay, at 10:52 AM  

  • Yeah, cool out... when it comes it comes... it is hard to have a REAL relationship when you are black and gay but when you find a REAL one it is so worth it... just continue to work on yourself (completely) until you find that person for you... You working through your issues will be the best gift you could give anyone.

    By Anonymous kennyking78, at 3:08 PM  

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