When I see You

So now that I’m working in DC more, my eyes that were starved of eye candy in Baltimore are now getting their full. In fact I rekindled a crush that I had started in 2004. Three years later I saw him in Union Station waiting for the Red line metro, and its crazy I still don’t know if he gets down. I can’t tell if I am picking up signs or just seeing what I want to see. I don’t know his name and I don’t even think I’ve ever said more than five words to him. Let’s go back to how this started.

After I graduated from college in 04, I started to work the 9-5 and I got bored, because after 5 pm I didn’t have anything to do. While in undergrad I was usually busy from when I woke up to about 11 pm easily, between classes, RA duties, club activities, and internship and/or job. To go from that to just a 9-5 was a big shift, so I looked for other things to do. I did not have any money to go out and take classes, but my job offered a reduced membership at Bally’s. While in undergrad I had very brief flirtations with going to the gym, sometimes they included me walking into the gym at school looking around and leaving. Other times I would just run, and then a few times I would actually work out. But after really learning about the gay life, and how having a body of some sort that was defined in shape was almost a necessity unless you were a Bear, I decided to go to the gym.

So I signed up, read information online about different routines, the proper way to do certain exercises, and then I started to go to the gym. Now, I did not go the gym after work because I had heard about the activities that happened in the locker room and I wanted to stay far from it. Thusly I would work out before work, and that is when I saw them, the Swoletwins.

There were two, not just one but two. Two amazingly chiseled chocolate black men, that I felt if I had stared at them too long my eyes would get diabetes because over load of eye candy. One was tall, the other short, both had the epitome of the build for their respective body types. It was intimidating being around men who were extremely well put together, and then day after day, I would see them naked. Not in my dreams, but in reality, since we all showered together, over the course of six months I worked out there, I saw them naked countless times. After about month two, it was no big deal. All the time while working out, going to the sauna, and showering together I think I may have said a sentence to them if that. Why didn’t I speak, low self esteem, shy, unbothered, or scared? I honestly don’t know I just never did.

Fast forward to the present, I have seen my crush, the short chocolate one, on numerous occasions by now. I guess the first time I was saw him again was while I was walking to the Union Station metro station and I saw this guy who had a broad back and locks and thought well, from the back he’s attractive. As I made my way to the station platform, I saw his face and realized it was the short swoletwin. Then it started, I think at the instance that’s when I developed my crush, or maybe it was lying dormant before, and was resurrected. But now I realize that he lives in Baltimore, because he rides the same train as I do to get into Union Station.

Oh shit, while I’m writing this, guess who just sat down in front of me on the Marc train…none other than my crush. What were my first reaction; a blank, then a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach which is still there. Well he’s on his phone, so I’m safe. I don’t’ know why I feel this way because it’s not like me. For awhile now I have seen and been around handsome and attractive men but never felt anything, for some reason I do with this guy.

The next part of this is the tricky and sticky part; I don’t if he’s gay or straight. I keep getting mixed signals. The first sign is that he worked out at Bally’s on L st. But he worked out in the morning and not in the evening when the girls come out to play. Then one time I saw him with Bath & Body Works, and even saw him with Jean Paul Gautier’s L’Homme cologne, which is very gay or metrosexual. Another thing he’s workout partner, the tall Swoletwin, I saw him at the Mill. So is he gay because his workout partner is gay? If so, would explain the fact that while looking on facebook I came across a photo of him and some girl hugged up together. Granted I wasn’t there but I don’t know what that means as far as his sexuality.

What should I do? It’s hard to strike up a conversation with someone before 8 am, when they are plugged into their Ipod, and frequently are wearing sunglasses. Any suggestions?