Wise & Young

Monday, February 26, 2007

10 Hoe Commandments

This is Len again, back with another installment this time its about sex, straight sex, gay sex, group sex, freak sex, but most of all DESCRETE sex. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they feel the desire to “sow their wild oats” From this point on, I will refer to this period as being a hoe. While being a hoe, it is vital that you do not let your activities dictate how people see you and future opportunities that may arise, hence the need to be discrete remember you have a reputation you have to up hold. To help those who are in need I, Len Dorsey have codified the 10 Hoe Commandments:

  1. Never give your real name.

When you are out on the prowl and you have it in your mind that this is only going to be a fuck, there is no reason on God’s green earth that they have to know your gov’t name or the name that you use professionally, especially if your parents gave you a unique name. But what is suggested is to use the same pseudonym consistently, so when they call you and ask to speak to a “Carl” you automatically know under what premise you know them.

  1. Don’t play where you rest your head at.

Its best to not bring home anyone in your domicile that is only there under the guise of sex People talk to damn much, even if you follow the first commandment sometimes people will still try to figure out who you are by asking about you and its real easy for them to pin point your based on physical description and where you live and off of what street. Your home is your sanctuary and you don’t need every trick see how you live, and where you live. If their place is not available, and both of you are too cheap to pay for a motel room, be creative and adventurous, cars, parks, alleys, etc are all possible venues for the hook up.

  1. Have different standards for fucks, friends, and lovers.

Too often people use the same physical criteria to determine who can be their fucks, friends, and lovers. Some do it consciously others do it sub-consciously, don’t think you have one, take a good look at past relationships, and your friends and see what type of commonalities they have. What this does is create a profile of what type of person you like, and if the fuck is just that do you really want someone to find out and be able to say “yeah you’re their type” and then have your business on front street, I think not. So what you do is have variations physically, let’s say you have a thing for red-bones open yourself to be hoe with yellow folks. If you have a thing for a certain build try to get people who do not fit into that category readily, you never know you may enjoy it.

  1. Don’t find fucks in the circles you already travel in.

When I was in college, I was always stunned by the amount of people who were fucking the same people. In fact two of my friends were fucking the same girl at the same time, it got to the point that if she called one up and talk to him, she would call the other one right afterwards. This is just messy, but in the real world people do this shit too. If you are in the Arts and Entertainment business step outside of that realm and find someone who is a intellectual property lawyer, a stripper, a CPA, etc. Besides minimizing the chance that your business will be put out there by someone in your same circle, its also good to do this to add to the thrill of the search.

  1. Use means of communication you have control over.

In this technologically advanced age, with various ways of communicating with people it is vital that the evidence of any hook ups be kept to a minimal level. For instance why text message someone so they can have proof that you hooked up with them, the best way are means that don’t leave any trail back to you.

  1. Make sure all parties involved know what the deal is.

Karma is a spiteful bitch. Hence the reason why its vital that everyone involved know explicitly what the deal is, if its just a fucking arrangement clarify that before you do the do. For some people they cannot have sex without having a deep meaningful emotional connection, and there is nothing wrong with that. But for someone to mislead an individual they’re asking for retribution.

  1. Use this to experiment.

Everyone has fantasies, things that they want to try out and just test the waters. Being a hoe gives you the opportunity to really engage in sexual experimentation without the fear that it will one day be brought back in your face to demonstrate some sort of deviancy or depravity.

  1. Specialize not generalize

Remember sex is just a part of life, and like any other part of life there are certain arenas where one excels in and others that need to be improved. It doesn’t matter what past lovers or fucks have told you, you’re not great in every aspect of the bedroom. Get over it. But everyone has certain actions or activities that they like and thusly are more adept at doing. Use this time to hone in on your skills and learn your craft. The bedroom is not someplace where its good to be a “Jack of all trades, and a Master of none.”

  1. Don’t hold back

Nothing is worse than a frigid hoe, it negates the reason why you’re being a hoe. There is a difference between being assertive and knowing what you do and do not like to do. But holding back is when you let the fear of the unknown or the situation inhibit you going for yours.

  1. Don’t run your mouth

Most people forget this most simple rule. In fact most hoes are found out because they tell on themselves. Why on God’s green earth are you bragging about how many fucks you had, or how good this anonymous person was that you don’t even remember their name. Get that together, certain things are private and what happens behind closed doors, parks, bathrooms, cars, parking lots, etc, etc, etc. are strictly between you and the individual(s). Don’t go running your mouth to your best friend, just because their your best friend today doesn’t mean they won’t be your worst enemy tomorrow.

Now that you have these guidelines go out and do what you do, just remember to be responsible and to put yourself first, no one else will.


  • Very clever ... and true. You need to trademark that shit! LOL

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:54 AM  

  • lol too funny.... i love the part about the text messages

    By Blogger ReddMann, at 11:59 AM  

  • Priceless

    By Blogger WhozHe, at 1:45 PM  

  • I am gonna put this on my myspace page i gotta show people this

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:30 PM  

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