Wise & Young

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Am I relationship material

Am I relationship material?

This week I’ve made a mental and emotional decision, which is to basically cut all the folks I’ve been talking to: Law-boy, Smile, and PH.D. The main reason is lack of communication let me break it down for you all. Law-boy asks a lot of questions I feel are invasive and the more I talk to him the more I think that he is really looking to me, as more a diversion from his hectic school work, and will pencil me in when he can. Case in point, Law-boy will hit me up online, just to say hey, which is cool, on Tuesday I told him I was going to call him that night. So as a man of my word I call, and the phone rings, rings, and rings, and then…voicemail. I don’t leave a message b/c I know he has a T-Mobile sidekick 2, and more importantly he’ll see my number. The next day, he aims me and I’m really not down for talking to him b/c I was really busy at work, so I’m giving him mono-Slavic answers (side note about me…when I get upset I get extremely quiet and just stop speaking and then just remove myself from the situation quickly) I told him I called like I said, and he said oh well I should have left a message and he would have returned my message. Now to me that’s some f’ed up shit, how are you going to dictate what I need to do to get the simple curiosity of getting a returned or acknowledged phone call? So needless to say I’m withdrawing my attention of them. I just don’t know I don’t feel that “thing”

Then there is Smile, we’ve chilled, we’ll talk on the phone. But the thing is, he will return my phone call and won’t really be the first to call anything. I’m so freaking tired of having to ALWAYS be the first one, to make the first move shit! You are a grown ass man why don’t you call if you want. Unless, you’re really only but so motivated, trust if I was some Boris Kodjoe looking brutha with a six pack and a six figure bank account, oh trust my phone would be blowing up like Delta Reese after Designing Women. Since Sunday I said to myself “Self, why don’t you fall back and see how things go, and see how long if they call at all” Now its Wednesday and no call which I can’t say I’m really all too surprised, but its all gravy if they call they do if they don’t that’s cool too.

So now we’re left with PhD, who I promise you, will end up with some either light ass mixed boy, or a white guy, don’t know why but I promise you they will. They were going to some Smithsonian museums off the National Mall. I was thinking yea it would be cool to go, and then they took too long to return my phone call, so I started to cook. Let me explain something about me and cooking, I can cook for 18 hours straight, needless to say I like to cook. By the time they got everything ironed out, I was in my cooking mood. So I let them know I wouldn’t be able to make the 1hr sojourn to the city. Now if they really wanted to they could have wasted the gas and offered to pick me up, but it wasn’t that serious. But I called them like Tuesday night, and they picked up the phone and started coughing a lot, in between coughing fits I asked I woke them, they said no, but then said yea and said they drank something that went down the wrong pipe. I’m like oh okay, that doesn’t make sense, who is awaken from their sleep takes a swig of water before answering the phone on the third ring….Great just great

But these events got me to thinking, am I into any of these people? Do I even care to be involved with any of them? Most importantly, am I relationship material? Maybe it’s me, but it’s hard to answer any of these questions. I thought about what would I do if I just stopped talking to all of these folks, I wouldn’t be crushed, in fact I probably wouldn’t think twice unless at the occasional awkward moment, where we would run into each other. But other than that nah, wouldn’t really care. On the other hand, I haven’t really spent enough time with any of them to really develop feelings like that. But the most important question is am I relationship material. I’m now 23, I haven’t’ really been in any long term relationship the longest is about 5 months, and even then it wasn’t like there was a definite we are together or what going on. So for all intensive purposes I’ve never been with someone long term. Now at first this used to irk me, moreso because it seemed that EVERYONE around had been in at least one by my age. But then I would console myself by saying its quality not quantity. So I try to treat everyone I talk to I treat them the way I want to be treated, I call, I talk, I go out with them, or at least take the first step to do so. But this is often not reciprocated. Now I’m thinking, maybe there is something innately in my person that lets people know that I’m not “worthy” for better lack of term of simple cordiality. Then again maybe the old saying is true… “Niggas aint worth shit” who knows?

6 Comments:

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    By Blogger Seva Alieva, at 10:41 AM  

  • Man I promise you are too off the chain. I must know you some kind of well, cause I can see you saying all of this to yourself and I hear your voice as you say it lol

    By Blogger Likeable_Libra, at 3:24 PM  

  • my latest entry is somewhat talking about the same thing -- lack of communication among men it is really frustrating and i understand what you are saying - leave those INCONSISTENT kats alone.

    OH - i am offended you put light ass mixed boy or white guy in the same category ... i mean, damn! lol

    By Blogger Clay, at 3:48 PM  

  • Amen on this...

    Never make someone a priority while allowing them to make YOU an option....

    By Blogger Quaheem, at 8:34 PM  

  • Your blog is exactly why I stay single. It sounds like these are a bunch of games and I just don't play them. I'm like you: In my 23 years on earth, I have YET to have a long term relationship. I think my longest relationship was 3 months and even then I thought we were still in "just hangin out" mode. For the longest time, and even sometimes today, I get in these moods where I'm like...is it me? do people just not like me? am i turning into a stone-cold asshole? but then i always remember WHY i'm single: i will not settle for less. That's why i definitely feel you when you say "quality not quantity". I'm not saying that i'm making paper like Donald Trump or anything, but at my age, I have been blessed to be able to have the success that I have...the job I have...the things that I have...I just refuse to let some dude come in and fuck all that up. So being the Virgo that I am, i'm very hesitant to let people in until i've weighed all the factors. I'm not going to be in a relationship JUST to be in a relationship.

    Now i'll be the first to tell you...i don't have it all together either! i mean, who does? however, i know what i want and what should be key in a relationship. That's more than most can say.

    So I wouldn't get down about it. I try not to. Just know that you're worth it and don't settle. I'm done ranting. I should be working. haha.

    By Blogger Kendizzle, at 9:43 AM  

  • Man fuck them cats. Everyone knows I keep it all about me, but if you treat me right I go all out for mine. Don't give me the short end of the stick and expect my attention. You are better than man if you allow that.

    By Blogger No4real4real, at 10:35 PM  

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