Wise & Young

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Am I scared of Black Men?

I was thinking about this topic for a few weeks now. What really brought this idea was that I was looking at my life, and seeing I really don’t have too many Black men in my life. At first I choked this up to me not having a lot of people in my life regardless of gender, and things of that nature. But upon closer inspection I came to the conclusion that I really do not have many black men in my life. I started to think why is that? Is it b/c I am going on a path that is so different that there are not too many Black men on the same path. No, I do not think that is, b/c I can think of a decent amount of Black men maybe not necessarily in my field but that are doing big things in their respective field. Then I thought well have I bought into the stereotype and the belief that “Niggas ain’t shit”? For a split second I was like yes that must be it! Hell, I can think of 20 shady things that brothas have done to me off hand, in various capacities. But does that mean that b/c certain Black men have done me wrong that I’m shook and don’t want to deal with any of them? If so, what does that say about my own character, and how I view myself as a Black man? So if it’s not those two things then why aren’t I surrounded or even have a good deal of Black men friends/associates/networks etc?


Am I scared of Black men, not in the sense that I am scared of them in the same way a white woman is when she grabs her purse, nor in the same sense that Jesse Jackson is relieved every time there is a white man behind him instead of a Black man ( side note, a few years ago Jesse Jackson said that he was at an ATM at night, and a guy came up behind him, when he realized that the guy behind him was white he was realized that the guy was not Black). But scared in the sense of the unknown, I know who I am as Black man and the perceptions thereof, am I Black & Man enough to be considered by other Black men as a BLACK MAN? Like many Black folks, I was raised for all intensive purposes in a single parent Black Woman household. I did have various guys try to come through and be a father figure, but I remember feeling resentment towards them like “How dare they try to take my father’s place” so their attempts were met with hostility. So growing up I really did not have too many interactions with Black men, I knew the brothas on the corner and I was exposed to the possibility and that the idea that there were Black men doing positive things out there.

I think I’ve noticed my awkwardness or feelings like that when I was instances where I was in all Black male environments, I was not nervous, just somewhat uneasy like this is not supposed to be. Since these meetings or situations were infrequent in nature I never really thought about it, yet as I grow and mature I notice especially in the DC area there are more frequent in nature, and so has the frequency of feeling uneasy.

I don’t know how to handle this so I’m treating this like I have treated other things that were outside of my comfort zone. I have put myself in situations where I am forced to deal with Black men interact with them, and break down those barriers that I have put up, whether consciously or unconsciously. So far I’ve been doing this for about a 2 years and I’m significantly more adjusted that I used to be around Black men. Granted I’m not the life of the party, but I’m one step closer to my goal….

2 Comments:

  • Yes you have changed for better (smile) I think that being scared is just a part of life and that everyone is essentially "scared" of black men..so what does that say about us a race...I don't know

    By Blogger Honey-Libra, at 9:21 AM  

  • Its funny because you start to realize race in college. This is only my first semester and I have seen and live of the most racially tensioned places. I just lost my thug look and it is amzing how many black people have turned on me and dont like me anymore because I dont look or dress "black" More often, it is the black people being racist. But I love ya. There was just a robbery yesterday in my dorm, at least i wont be a suspect

    By Blogger chrisbilal, at 9:40 AM  

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