Wise & Young

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I'm not looking for anything

I’m not lookin’ for anything

I think we’re all guilty of this saying something like “I’m not lookin’ for anything”, whether it be on-line or in person. But if you think about it, if you’re in a club…not everybody is there for the music…if you’re in a bar…everyone isn’t there for the drinks….and if you’re on websites….trust, damn near everyone there is looking for something. But what?!?!?!?! On some level I think people use it as an easy way to reject any circumstance & to stay ambiguous so that what you are looking for or secretly want is not made known. Why do we do this to each other…I think some of it has to do with not wanting to seem desperate, not knowing exactly what you want but having only an idea, other times what you want you feel bad for wanting it.

For instance, I live in DC, and most of the black gay men I dare say are single, regardless of how they look, and how they “get down” they are single. But if you go on websites there are over a thousand men logged in looking to gay dating websites. Now you’re telling me that the majority of the people there are there simply to look at photos, and not communicate with others and maybe build something. Whether building that something could be sexual, platonic, or romantic, its there but not too many people are willing to go and put it out there that this why they are there. I think it has something with not wanting to seem “desperate”, but if you are online looking for any of the following three you are not desperate you’re merely looking in the comfort of your home. Another problem with this whole “

Also in this day and age the need to appear chill or relaxed is highly prized virtue no matter. So that feeds into I’m not looking for anything, because take this example. Say you’re at a club/ bar/ happy hour/ mall/ etc. You meet this attractive male/female, and you two have good conversation, seemingly vibing, and near the end that same attractive person says hey I’m really looking for (sex, friends, or a possible bf) what happen. The whole dynamic changes because that person has put out there what their intentions are, and what’s the first thing most people think? “Oh, ____ is comin’ off pressed” Which isn’t the case really but that is what people think when someone is honest and upfront. Seems that most people would rather just float in a sea of ambiguity, where there aren’t any outspoken intentions, rather than land on the shores of truth.

Is it possible that most people who say “I’m not looking for anything” are saying that because they think that is the correct thing to say and it’s an easy way to disarm people? When someone says I’m not looking for anything what is the usual response, a simple okay and then resuming or starting a conversation. I’ve said it, and honestly it’s because it’s an easy statement regardless of whether I know or not. Granted when I’ve stated hey I’m here looking for friends, or cool people to hang out with that has been greeted with even better results than “I’m not looking for anything”.

What is ironic is that the main people who say they aren’t looking for anything place themselves in situations where they are in spots or locations that just to happen to have a lot of people not looking for anything….interesting to say the least….


  • "Seems that most people would rather just float in a sea of ambiguity, where there aren’t any outspoken intentions, rather than land on the shores of truth."

    very profound and very true.

    By Blogger Karamale, at 6:20 PM  

  • Being vague is sometimes better than giving wrong impressions... if i get into a club and everybody knows im looking for a boyfriend, i wouldnt want every man i talk 2 to think they're eligilible for that position u know...

    Sometimes u're like " i dunno what this person is gonna be to me, i'll just let him be whatever he can be ! "
    sometimes people don't even know what they lookin for because they dont even know what they want and/or need...

    By Blogger Soldier, at 2:45 AM  

  • This post was on point, mon frere.

    By Blogger Rashid @ Old Gold Soul, at 6:25 AM  

  • what a interesting world we would have if folks said the hell with ambiguity and were forward with their intentions...

    i know the reason why i do it, and it is because i am not in the shoes of the reciever who i am interested in, and since i may not be able to predict what course they will take as a result of my actions, i air on the side of caution, and take a more gradual conservative approach.

    By Blogger P. Alonzo Harris Jr., at 12:01 PM  

  • This is a pretty common thing if found myself (Okay, okay, so I'm one of those people who say it). But since I know my own motivation, let me give you a translation: "Well, I really want to find happiness. I even want you to think I'm cool. But I don't want you to think I'm weak or vulnerable, so I'm gonna pretend like I don't really care."

    By Blogger Reg, at 9:47 PM  

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