Hustlin'

As some of you know through reading my blog I’m on this journey trying to better myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, basically in every way possible. As described in my swagger post, I have a plan to get a personal trainer, get professional photos taken, and pay off some of my credit card debts. In order to achieve this I’ve taken a part time seasonal job. Well here is just an update, thanks to Karamale, I think I have personal trainer lined up, the only issue is which gym can he train me (he belongs to a different gym than I, and I can’t buy a monthly or weekly pass for that gym), I’ve paid off one of my credit cards which had a low amount of money on it but hey it’s paid. Now I’m still working and the rest of the money is for the photo shoot which will probably be in late March or early April, and to replenish my savings.
But this is not the end merely, the beginning I am a firm believer that success breeds success. So with these goals that I have set for myself coming to fruition I am now ready to apply to graduate schools for fall 06. I have been debating and wavering whether or not to apply and which schools to apply to, weighing issues like loans, potential income loss or how long it will take for me to complete that degree if I work full time and go to school part time. But now, I’ve basically said fuck it, let me man the fuck up and apply. The worst possible situation is that I don’t get accepted to any schools that I apply to, which means the worst is the status quo. But the best is that I get accepted to the Kennedy School of Government or any other Ivy League public policy program or any program that I am applying to for fall 06. Now I have to do a few things in preparation of this, the first being getting recommendations, and taking the GRE for the schools. I do have some concerns like my undergrad GPA that took a precipitous drop while I was being put through. But you never know till you try right?!?!?!!?
After talking to a few people who not only invigorated my determination to become a grad student by the fall of 06 but I have also came up with the three most important items to have when filling out for an application or when doing a job search as well. A strategic plan, marketing plan, and confidence, when you have these three items they can aide you tremendously w/o you doing too much else. It is vital to have a strategic plan in the sense that you have to look at the situation take an honest assessment of strengths and weaknesses, and what is most important to you in a school and for your career. For instance I’m looking for name recognition, and alumni networking for my graduate schools that I am looking into, why because at least in the field that I am looking to enter (public policy specifically working on the Hill) it is important for there to have connections and for me to be able to network with alumni who could possible open doors. Also I am trying to figure out my strengths that I can play up and the weaknesses I am in the process of addressing. The marketing plan is all about making sure that you present yourself in the strongest light possible including strong recommendations, adding supplements if you think they would make a difference. It would also help if you have inside information such as what an admissions counselor for that program or school would like to see and tailor yourself to highlight what you have achieved that meets those expectations. But the most important thing to have is confidence, that applying is a mere formality in order for inevitable to occur. Confidence can aide and guide you in ways that are immeasurable helping you to achieve results otherwise that would not be attainable.

Ode to Mary J

I love Mary J. Blige. A simple sentence but I really do love Mary; I have never met her yet. But Mary has been not only a source of inspiration but a comfort. The first time I remember seeing Mary J Blige was on Video Soul, in her “Real Love” music video. Hell I can even remember the scene, it was the one when she was in a white suit, and she was hurting them with the trademark Hip-Hop couture that she would be on the forefront of developing. For some reason, maybe it was the song, the video, or that certain something I was transfixed on Mary from that instance on. I remember reading “Right On!” and seeing photos of Mary and thinking that I could relate to her. I never had or have been in love and I was 13 I think, but I could still relate to Mary and what she represented on a very instinctual gut level, and that was struggle. I remember hearing her debut and not only hearing the words but also the pain and the aching to move from her circumstance.

At this time I was going through puberty, and no one was really talking about the angst, pain, and the confusion that takes place. Maybe it was in Mary that I could find that person who was talking about pain and struggle, and not knowing how to get out of it. Then came along “My Life”, which for most people is when they stood up and took notice of Mary. On that album there was pain, deep pain, that regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual preference, anyone could relate to, it was the type of pain that called to all of us like a siren hauntingly drawing us in and keeping us captivated because we see it as a mirror of the struggles we are going through as well. Fittingly, the one of the last track was “Be Happy”, where Ms. Blige was dropping jewels of knowledge like “How can I love somebody else/if I can't love myself enough to know/When it's time/Time to let go”. Now whether you were/are that ghetto girl with baby powder on her neck, smackin’ her lips in the hood, or that Anglo-Saxon white guy who lives on the farm in the Mid-West, it rings true for us all.

But Mary is/not one to go around and wallow in her depths of her life, she did something that most people have a hard time doing. She started on the path of self-discovery, and took us, the world, along with her on her road. In her candid manner, Mary didn’t hold a damn thing back from us, not the drug addiction, her abusive relationships, her dislike for various artists, and everything else. We were there when she wanted to fight reporters whom she felt misrepresented, when she was lived up more to the Diva moniker that she gained. But she also let people know that she was trying to better herself. The evolution of Mary shows many people that it is possible, that you can change your circumstance, that life is a process.

Now it’s time for me to address the issues of her singing ability. There are some Pharisees that say that she can’t sing, what they fail to realize is that she can, extremely well, that its not just about notes, and chords, but the delivery. Not too many singers can make feel the song and emote the emotion that is needed to take the audience there, and Mary does that superbly.


Just my thoughts

Is Lightskin making a comeback

Is Lightskin making a comeback?!?!?!?!!?

“Watch these rap niggaz get all up in your gutsFrench-vanilla, butter-pecan, chocolate-deluxe Even caramel sundaes is gettin touched And scooped in my ice cream truck, Wu tears it up”

Man, I am not even going to lie to people in the blog world & state that I am the biggest Wu-Tang fan ever, because I’m not really into getting hemmed up in cyberspace by some 12 year old fanatical fan that has devoted their entire life to all thing Wu. But I remember when I was in high school or middle school, I’m dating myself I know, when that song came out. It was crazy girls would get so hyped over this song saying “Nah, girl you too dark to be caramel you chocolate.” Even the white girls got to be proud and say there were “French Vanilla.” But for guys there was not this same sort of all colors are acceptable. This was definitely the era of the thug, hardcore Black man; with this ethos there became a movement that in order to fit this complexion had to be dark. Preferably darker than Chocolate but lighter than Midnight, I mean come on now who ever heard of a light skin thug, short of them good hair havin’ fools in Bone Thugs N Harmony and Ice Cube. All the portrayals of this urbanized exoticized eroticized during this time all displayed the beautiful shades closer to the darker spectrum of Black. Even Black male models for the most part fell in line with this “Black the Berry the Sweeter the juice idea.” I can remember going to the same club and people treating me totally different, because I’m a card carrying member of

Chocolate Brothers of America, Incorporated,(note not me in the photo) when I dressed in sweats timbs and a do-rag I would get more attention. But let me slip up and break the stereotype and dare to wear some boot cut jeans, a Diesel T shirt and some squared toed shoes I’d get no love. Hell even some of my friends would go on long tangents about the virtues of the ebony Adonis who’s complexion was the color of earth and his body looking as if he was crafted from clay by God’s own hands. Whose masculinity was beyond reproach and who could kick it in the hood w/o anyone testing his thugness and scare white people in their own neighborhoods. Then when the notion of dating or even talking to someone who was light skin their faces would get chopped and screwed and say something that all light skin people remind them of raw chicken when naked.

But the tides are a changing; light skin brothas are coming back, and coming back with FIYAH!!!!! I’m not really into the whole “I prefer any specific complexion” I take whatever I can get. But all of a sudden after a long period of dormancy the new breed of lighter than a brown paper bag brothas are so serious! I was on facebook just browsing and noticed that the kids at the Mecca are doing it so big, granted all of them seem to have been born in 1986 them light skin brothas are doing it up. Like it crept up on me without me even noticing, it started off as a hmm he’s fine on the low. For clarification fine on the low is someone who you keep looking at and they become more attractive to you as you look at them. But what really hit me was when

I saw Daniel Sunjata let the church say amen. I don’t know what type of miscegenation combination made him but it was worth it!

Look around you’ll see the beginnings of the new light skin wave; no longer will light skin be relegated to S-curl kits and subject to El DeBarge jokes.

No, they are coming back finer, more thug, and dropping the pretty boy look and trying to diversify. Michael Eley is holding it down showing that light skin brothas aren’t afraid to show some pseudo thug appeal, hell he even took over the role in “Their Eyes were Watching God” where the skin complexion was supposed to be an integral part of the storyline and got the producers to omit it.

Granted there will always people who favor one complexion for one reason or another. Some people light skin will always be placed on a pedestal and will never be removed; others love all complexions that are dark for that is what there are familiar with. Personally, the body, mind, and actions mean a hell of a lot more than some melanin. But to each his/her own.

Just my thoughts

Keeping your word

How many times have we made promises to ourselves promising to do this, that, and the third. Or better yet, promised not to do something. Yet no matter now many times we make that promise how often do we break it. For some the promise is not to call back that guy who we said was "too clingy" others, its vows of celibacy. People sometimes use promises as a means of pointing out flaws that they want to correct within themselves, for instance millions of people vow to loose weight, get healthy, etc,etc for a New Year's resolution because they realize or they desire to better themselves physically. This is all well and good, pointing out something within yourself that you want to correct is the first step onto a long road of changing your behavior and making yourself a better person because of it.
The issue lies within the fact that usually the use of promises as a means of change and self reflection is inherently flawed one two levels. The first probably being the most obvious, that usually the promises are too much of a change, trying to institute a new paradigm shift rapidly or without a real gradual plan is almost destining the very promise to fail. In the class that I am taking we discussed the issue of incremental changes to "the system", for the purposes of the class the system was the federal government. But the theory goes that real long lasting changes occur gradually not broad sweeping unless some tragic event happened where there is public outcry for a change. Now taking this idea and applying it to the promise as a means of personal change and growth, maybe the promises we make do not embody an incremental approach. For instance, as posted earlier I want to save up money for a trip to San Juan for Memorial day, six sessions with a personal trainer, and a photo shoot with a professional photographer, ordinarily I would have just s aid I want X amount of dollars by a specific date. Yet this time I promised myself: A. A way of saving up the money B. I have certain dates and certain percentages of the money saved up C. A penalty for not meeting those deadlines.
Another issue with making promises is that there is no real consequence for breaking it, other than personal shame or guilt, when you make a promise to with yourself. When creating promises that you really want to fulfill there has to be a mechanism involved that serves as discipline if you do not fulfill your promise. As an example, seemingly everyone has been involved in an unhealthy relationship and you know what you need to do, which is cut that toxic person from your life, but for some reason they are still around and usually prominent. Now, if you make a promise to yourself not to deal with them or else you will not have sex with anyone or yourself for that matter for 30 days.
Granted all promises that you make for yourself and with yourself are reflections of what you want to change about yourself, where you want to be , and the issues that you are trying to deal with. For some when they make these promises they never intend to carry them out, others make an earnest effort to see them through. For those who belong to the latter, I hope what you read here will help you in some way. For those of the former, whatever floats your boat.