RING THE ALARM....or not

Last night I watched Noah’s Arc, and one of characters, Noah, stated that studies have shown that 46% of Black Gay men are infected with HIV/AIDS, and most do not know it”. Is this true, I hope not, because if this is its extremely scary. 46% of Black gay men got the monkey on their back (side note: the term monkey on your/their back means someone with HIV/AIDS its southern slang, likewise, someone saying that someone is carrying around bricks of burdens means that they have HIV/AIDS). Am I the only one not only alarmed but need to know more information as to how they got this statistic? For instance, I was at Rod Online a few days ago and I read the following:

“HIV rates will "skyrocket" among gay men in North America and Europe as they age. Researchers say the incidence rates for gay black men will become "almost unbelievable": For black gay men now aged 23 to 29, "three quarters will be infected with HIV at age 50."”

At first I was not only shocked, but dismayed that my generation, the first generation to grow up in the AIDS scare of the 80’s, the safe sex promotions of the 90’s are going to have the distinction that more African-American gay men will have such a high HIV infection rate by the time we hit middle age. But then I started to think, and I began to look at the assumptions of the study.

The first assumption is that number of African-American Gay men who are 23-29 will be the same number at age 50. But we all know that people come out at various points in their life, and some men start dealing with other men sexually and romantically after they turn 29.

The second assumption deals with the fact those who did the study are only counting the number of black gay men, how identify with the term gay, there are plenty of young men out there who claim to be bi sexual, down low, or same gender loving due to the fact that they despise the term gay for the connotations that it incurs.

Another assumption is where were these statistics garnered from, as more and more black move to the south so will the Black gay population, cities that have typically had large gay black populations will also have to contend with areas that have typically not had a large gay black population but will have an increasing black gay presence as more and more blacks move to the south.

Now with all this said, I am not trying to dilute the message that HIV infection rate will adversely impact the black gay population, it would be fool hardy to do so, but too often we hear these claims that pretty much sentence you to a life sentence statically and that gives you no incentive to try to prevent infection.

Too often with out hope, or the possibility that things may change, or the situation may get better people are not motivated to change, to see this go to your local project, hood, or ghetto. But when you present the facts and give people options then you are not only realistically preparing them for what may come, but you are also giving them that glimmer of hope that there will be a brighter day. In the final analysis, it will come down to a personal decision, to use a condom, to abstain, or to go bare. I cannot caste judgment on anyone’s personal decision, because I am not in their shoes, but I hope that people are making informed decisions that if they chose any of those options that they realize that there are potential consequences for all those actions.

Just my thoughts

Black Expo 2006

Last weekend as evidenced from my last post, I have started to travel, the first place was back to 757 specifically Norfolk, VA. My mom invited me to the Black Expo, which she was a vendor, last year they had 7000 people that attended. The Black Expo is pretty much a venue for businesses that are trying to garner more of the spending power of the Black dollar. This year they had Earl Graves, the founder and publisher of Black Enterprise. In his speech he talked about various topics from, why the south is where its at for Blacks, the plight of Black men, and his background. Honestly the number of people that seemed to come did not seem like it was even 2000, but it was good to see people educating themselves even if it was a casual education about the opportunities that are available to them to improve their circumstance, and take advantage of businesses that are actively recruiting the Black dollar.

Now, after this I decided to go out and see what Norfolk “nightlife” had to offer. Which I found out was pretty much nothing. Let me paint the scene for you, on Friday night there are pretty much 3 places to go “The other side of the Garage”, “The Wave”, and “Nutty Buddies”. The other side of the Garage is for the more, established gentlemen who is of the BEAR persuasion, you have to be 21 or older b/c it’s a drinking establishment. But there was more action outside in the parking lot where you saw a lot of very young, 16-20, guys outside voguing and being “cunt bois”. The Wave plays techno and house music, and caters more so to the Anglican crew, and their admirers. Nutty Buddies, plays hip hop but closes at 2 am. In fact most of these places close around 2-3 am, and from there everyone seems to congregate at the IHOP and talk amongst their friends, or house.

There were a great number of effeminate boys out, in fact it seems like the further south you go effeminacy changes. The further north you go those effeminate guys, emulate younger fashion forward women, who are independent and will “cut a bitch when necessary”, but the further south you go them seem to morph into old southern black women, like someone’s grandmother. When I was in Norfolk I saw a lot of that, and when I went to ATL pride it was evident there as well. Maybe its just me.

But this past weekend will hopefully pale in comparison to my NYC weekend. My boy and I are staying in Harlem, arriving in NYC around 9 pm and from then its on. So it’s going be fun, I think the Latex Ball is a no-go, my boy will not go, and I am not going to something like that by myself

On my travelling shit

On my traveling shit

Man this weekend and next weekend I’m traveling, I definitely need to get away from the DC area and do something else. This weekend I’m going back home to Norfolk, VA. Mom invited me to a Black business expo, I do not want my own business at this time or ever really, but I am going to be around some motivated African-Americans and see what they have to say. Plus I need to go home to see my Mom and my little brother who is turning 21 tomorrow. This is the same guy who when he was 2 said he’d never be able to roll over in his bed, and were suggested my mom, the psychotherapist, seek psychological treatment because she refused to plan for his funeral at the suggestion of the doctors. That’s probably why I really don’t fuck with doctors the medical field.
But the next weekend the 25th I’m going to my spiritual hometown…NYC. People don’t understand how much I love NYC, it has a lot to do with when my Mom left my Dad the first place we lived was NYC specifically Harlem, and that was the first time I can actually remember feeling safe, secure, and genuinely happy. Even to this day every time I go there, I feel safe, and happy, people don’t understand how I can feel that way about one of the largest cities in the world, but I do, call me crazy. With this trip I’m going with my boy, who I went to NYC last summer with, but this time we’re doing certain things differently:

A. Instead of taking the bus to Newark we’re taking the bus to NYC, which is cheaper, and faster

B. Staying in a hostel or place in NYC, not Newark, which will cut down on the commuting time

C. I’m researching places to shop, and eat, so anyone in the NYC area who knows of some good places to shop for clothes w/o it costing an arm and leg let me know, I’m going to Canal Jeans, Canal St, and to Century 21. Any suggestions? Food we’re trying Ivorian (my dad’s homeland) P.R. food, and something else, just don’t know as of yet.

D. We are not relying on his contacts for party info, last time we did we had an ok time but I think it could have been better spent if we knew what choices there were, again, any suggestions would be helpful.

E. I have money to spend, CHURCH!!!!

I’m still debating whether or not to go to the Latex Ball which is also that weekend, my only concern is that my boy refuses to go with me, and I’m not trying to be in the ball totally confused about what’s going on, so I don’t know about that one as of yet.

Oh, with this new job, I get all federal holidays off that means pretty much once a month I can visit a place I’ve never been to, any suggestions? So far I’m thinking of Dallas, Houston, maybe even LA….

What the fuck!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

“Niggas and flies I do despise the more I see niggas the more I like flies”

I’m writing this at one in the am, knowing goodness well my black ass needs to be in bed. But I have some shit that if I don’t expunge from my mind I know it’ll keep me up tonight, more so than I already am. Two things….Niggas ain’t shit…and White Boys are looking better and better. Living and dating, if you can call it that, in DC has been a real struggle for me, as described in various accounts in this blog, and I know that some of you are tired of reading about it, if so, click someplace else. But it goes without fail I have yet to meet some brothers of African-American lineage that aren’t about games, liers, or just plain good people. Some have attributed this to where I meet them, but my argument to that is that, I have met guys in clubs, bars, organizations, volunteer events, on the street, in the gym, at my part time job, through my frat, through friends, and other ways I care not to mention due to time constraints. But its like it doesn’t matter I continuously meet guys who are on that other shit, and before I get a message saying “well maybe its you”, dammit I thought of that too, but shit that happened like tonight makes me wonder.

Ok I met lil’ man through a website, we’ve been talking on the phone for like a week or two, and he invited me over to his place for a cook out type deal. I said sure, went over there and had a good time with him and his friends, then after that he’s like we’re going to Mirrors, a club in DC, against my better judgment I say ok sure. With the idea that this will give me more time to see how he is, and to chill with him. So after we get there, I have to run to the ATM up the street, I come back and lil’ man is talking to some guy. No problem there, hell I don’t know him. But then for the rest of the time there he spends talking to this guy, and dancing with this guy, and the two sentences he said to me were “That’s my ex-husband” and “Hey, whats up” . So I’m thinking ok, I’m here albeit I’m not your man, but I am trying to spend time with you and get to know you, but you choose instead to talk to, flirt with HARD so much so that other people notice, and ignore me to hang out with your ex. Great just great, I felt like well dayum what the fuck did you invite me out for if you’re going to say up under your ex? It’s crazy to me, I keep getting shit & shade from brothers.

Am I too nice, and I not assertive enough, am I too passive, do I keep going for the wrong “type” of guys. Is there something I give off that says “Hey my first name is Doormat, treat me accordingly”. I’m so fucking sick of it. I have yet to meet a descent guy in the DC metro area, who can keep his word. I’ve tried everything in my time here, from what I called “investment dating” dating guys who are not all that I’m into but that have possibility, I got a 0% return on my investment. I’ve tried lowering my standards, and all I got were mud ducks who were self dillusional about their looks, prowess, and overtly arrogant and conceited. I’ve given up and just threw myself into a hobby, a club, or something like that, and it still doesn’t work. I’ve even asked some of my personal friends, and my momma what they think the issues could be with me, I mean hell I’m down for some Dr. Phil type constructive criticism. I even asked the hard questions from people who would tell me the truth, and I ugly and don’t know it, are the people who I’m attracted to are too “unattainable” for me? Am I asking for too much, or am I not specific enough? The answers to these questions did not provide any new insight. It was just the same ole shit, “wait and it’ll happen…bullshit”, “no, your standards aren’t high at all”, “no you’re not dating guys who are above you”, so I’m back to square one. But this time with a new answer.

Dating white, everyone black I know who dates white guys, whether male or female, in genuinely happy, and even they are surprised that they found love with a white man. I get the same comments from them over and over, they are easier to deal with, not about as many games are the brothers are, generally more settled and down to earth, and not caught up in the whole scene of being gay. So I’m thinking about trading in my black card for a new pearl white one. Because Negroes have not been a source of happiness for me.

FYI for anyone who cares and thinks my standards are too high here is an enumerated list of traits that I want in a guy in no particular order:

Have a faith in a higher power
Can laugh at themselves and others
Plans, and implement plans for their future
Not extremely effeminate
Someone who takes are of themselves physically, not over or under weight, works out, eats well
Loves themselves
Has a level head
If they say they are going to do something then they do it
Not addicted to anything or anyone, i.e. drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, people
Who wants me

Simple really, b/c everything else is up for compromise pretty much. But it’s getting late, and I had to get that off my chest. I really don’t even like to write something like this because it makes me sound very bitter, and upset when that’s is far from the case, if anything I’m more so confused, and frustrated. I mean in every other aspect of my life I’m doing well, my career, my workout regime, my spiritual growth, my finances, it’s just my relationships or lack thereof is that only big gapping whole. Hell I’ve been celibate for awhile know so it’s not about me missing sex, because that is far from it. It’s the fact that I’m always alone, or independent of others. It would be nice to have someone around who genuinely wanted me around for me, for all my strengths and weaknesses, who loves me for the man I am and the man I will become in the future. It would be nice to have someone who my heart skips a beat every time I see them, or in a crowded room everyone vanishes from my sight except him, that would be nice.

Just my thoughts.

A wrap up

A wrap up…..

I had some things on my heart I need to let y'all know

The weekend of the 25th I’m going to NYC with one of my boys. So if you know of anything that’s going on feel free to hit me up with the info. Any good places to shop (by good I mean reasonably priced if not lower and still nice). ....I want to go to a ball, and that same weekend there is a Latex Ball, I want to go by my friend doesn’t so I may just go and see what its all about, I havent’ made up my mind, the balls that are on Frank’s website seem to be very interesting at least to go to. But I know I would need someone to explain things to me b/c I’m really not at all familiar with that scene….Found out on of my former RA friends is living in NYC with her partner and working at NYU. They offered me their couch whenever I want to come and crash….CHURCH!!!!!.....Saw the two last episodes of Noah’s Arc from the first season…eh wasn’t impressed in the least. They were giving me too much of nothing it I know its supposed to be a comedy but it seemed like an effeminate man’s wish list. Handsome men with guys who aren’t really on their level, but having nothing but adoration for their effeminate partners, I’m sure it happens just not as frequently as depicted. Also where was the witty repertoire, the tongue-n-cheek humor. But the second season at least the first episode, there seemed to be an upgrade in both the production as well as the character development. …I am really on some fuck you type shit right now as far as people in my life. If you’re not helping me in some way, and are not there for me….well fuck you too then….Why are gay clubs done and dead…if I hear Déjà vu, Me and You, It’s going down, one more time….I get better music at straight clubs….Speaking of straight clubs, went to one last weekend pretty sure there was this one guy who got down, and may have been interested….but I couldn’t tell….Okay why are there an abundance of good-looking, intelligent, on point African-American gay men in DC, ATL, and NYC yet the vast majority are single, but lament about not having anyone…but in cities with the population is much smaller there are more couples abound…About me driving around for MONTHS w/o AC and it all might be due b/c I pressed a damn button….What are some good places to road trip too….Why do folks to out in packs of four or more and then wonder why folks don’t step to them….Why am I about to be active in my frat again…against my better judgment…Why are so many rappers ugly…Chamillionaire looks like a Gremlin….Young Jeezy got a bullet shaped head…Lil Wayne looks like a damn hallway in the projects with all those damn scribbling on his body…What really gets me is how are you going to be that first generation or one generation removed from the ghetto but act as if your family had money since the Emancipation Proclamation…An Addendum to that would be this: why are folks always talking down about the project/ghettos, but the ghetto has been one the ONLY places were true American culture is created and shipped to the masses….Why the hell is real estate so damn expensive….Why have I started to deal with white boys more and more….

F.E.A.R.

What do you fear?

When I was going through my process we had a saying actually we had a lot of shit to say do, and adhere, but one saying was “What is Fear, False Evidence Appearing Real”. I’m not even going to tell you how long it took me before I realized that fear was actually an acronym. I digress, lately with one of my friends dad’s recent death, and the accidental death of someone another person’ fiancée it has got me thinking about death. More specifically what about death do I fear, the actual process and the idea of my life ending doesn’t really scare me or incite fear, in a strange way I would welcome the process. But the idea that I die alone, and have no one to mourn my death is one that really scares me, and has always scared me, even when I was child. My fear wasn’t alleviated when I found out that one of my grand aunts went to go visit some friends for 3 days, and when she came back she found her husbands decomposing body in their apartment, dead from a freak accident or something.
Another fear of mine is catching HIV, this fear I can attribute to someone, my Uncle who passed away from complications due to AIDS. To some this is a healthy and a realistic one, considering the many factors I have which put me in a higher probability of catching the virus, my age range 18-25; me living in the DC metro area, which has one of the highest rates of HIV infection in the US; being gay and a person of color. These are all factors that put me at risk, but out of this fear, I have two things. I have educated myself about the virus, from doing graduate level work on the Ryan White CARE act, or doing my senior thesis on the HIV/AIDS epidemic and how it has changed the very political landscape as it pertains to gay rights, economic empowerment, and even racism. I also have respect for the virus, the type of respect one has for a worthy adversary. I respect its power, and ability to change and how its indiscriminately, I do respect HIV, and fear it.
I also have a phobia against birds, I hate them all with the exception of Falcons and Eagles for some reason they don’t scare me. But to this day I can’t walk around a whole bunch of pigeons w/o balling up my fist, and gritting my teeth, if there was a way to eradicate the world of birds, I’d be all for it. Now what’s your fear? Do you fear anything if so why and why not?


Just my thoughts

ASS Beat Ur Feet one More time

Ladies and Gentleman get your Mumbo sauce, glitter tees, box braids, and Hobo wear....A youngin' beatin' his feet.

Chicken Noodle Soup

At least its not illegal

CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP!

Ladies and Gentlemen....I give you the new dance...don't hurt yourself trying to do it....

Doin' it in the dark...Doin' it in the Park

Cruise spots, every half way large city has them, places where men go to get their rocks off by other men looking to get down. But is it just me but I wonder how did those places get started? I mean this didn’t just spring up overnight, in fact some of these places have been around for over 30 years. Let’s take DC for example in fact let me narrow it down even further to three places in particular, Rock Creek Park, Union Station, and Meridian Park. These three places are place where men go to find men for, well let’s just say more than just conversational purposes.

Rock Creek Park is a park that fairly large in DC, and have various points in of entry, but the park not so surprisingly closest to DuPont Circle tends to be the cruisest. But to the residents of DC both straight and gay its nothing new, hell the Blackbyrds had a hit song off it, called “Rock Creek Park” the lyrics are “Doin’ it in the park/Doin’ it after dark/Rock Creek Park” and this song was a hit in 1975. So that means even back in 1975 that park was a place of notoriety. But how did that place get started, one of my friends has the notion that a parks like that are just notorious wherever you go, because the trees which provide enough covering to do that.

Then there is Union Station, which I found out about, honestly, by accident. I was 17 going to visit my cousins in DC, for the first time, and I took the train up here. I had explicit instructions to wait for my cousins downstairs, But after the train ride, I had to take a piss like you wouldn’t believe. So I go to the bathroom, and its PACKED. All the stalls were full, and people where at all the urinals, and sinks washing their hands. So I went back outside and waiting for someone to leave, so I could just take a piss. But after 3 minutes I didn’t’ see a soul come out the bathroom, including any of the people that were washing their hands. But then about 4 minutes later someone finally came out. Then I jetted in there, and went to the first available stall. But then I started noticing something….those were the same guys at the same place that they were before, and no one had moved. Then when I went to wash my hands, out the corner of my eye I saw this guy crane his next to look at the other guys junk in one of the urinals, and no one seemed phased by this except for me. It wasn’t until 2 years later when I started to go school in the District did one my friends from DC tell me that the Union Station bathroom is a place where guys go to hook up. After that, I was talking to this older guy probably 20 years older than myself, he then told me that his gay uncle who has about 70 or 80 said that guys in his day would go to Union Station for the same thing. But he also said they went to this place called Meridian Park.

Meridian Park, I’ve never been there, but I know its up near Howard, and because of that fact alone, there are a lot of HU cats who have frequented that place. I’ve heard stories from people who said they only went there “to watch” (side note: anytime someone says they want to go to any place where they may see sex up-close 9/10 they go from viewer to doer) ranging from the its scary/exhilarating, and they only caught glimpses. To others who said they saw full on action.

I did not write this to out any of these places, or recommend nor condemn them. But to vocalize how did these spots come into existence, and how this information is passed on from word of mouth mainly, maybe there is some literature on it that I’m not aware of ….

Just my thoughts