Love dont' live here......

Man fuck love, love ain’t worth a damn thing. I have never been in love, and have only seen people supposedly in love, and I don’t see what’s the benefit of romantic love. In fact it seems to be the most detrimental emotion that people allow themselves to be subject to. Folks compromise themselves, their relationships with their friends, and even their family all for a four letter word, love. I refuse to succumb to such a destructive effect, there is nothing good coming from it. People allow themselves to be in love, for fear of being alone and having to focus on themselves and taking care of the most important person, themselves.

But I do have physical needs and wants. So I’ll just have sex, safe sex but sex nonetheless. People both men and women are too scared to let someone know that they aren’t trying to have a relationship, be in love, they just want to fuck. I don’t have that problem anymore, and you’d be surprised to see how many people are receptive to it, in fact, when I’ve told someone I’m not trying to be with you, I’m just trying to fuck. They have three options: A. say no and keep it moving, B. we do the do, C. they take the info and save it for a later date. In my experience everyone does B and C.

Why waste time honestly? If you want to fuck you should put it out there and see what happens. Now, people then sometimes feel bad because they feel like the person they are attracted to there might be the possibility of having something “more”, but if you want more what’s wrong with having the cake and eating it too? Not a damn thing.

What is really detrimental is when someone acts like they are in love or trying to date someone when the ulterior motive is to simply bed them. Regardless if you agree or disagree with my sentiments about love, you have to respect the man or woman who lets you know from jump what it is.

Black Masc?

So many times in conversation, online, and even at gatherings where there are gay Black males, the notion of masculinity comes in to play into the forefront. Seems as if for so many gay black males they are either trying to prove their masculinity since their lifestyle and/or romantic, sexual behaviors would seem incongruent to their masculinity. It also seems as if for a good amount of men, their ideal is someone who is not just masculine but hyper-masculine. This begs three questions: what is the fixation with hyper-masculinity, what is considered masculine or hyper-masculine, and does someone who acts hyper-masculine really even masculine?

Not just in the gay Black male community, but in all gay communities masculinity is held in high regard, many times people say they only want to deal with those are masculine, which I have come to find out means someone who is non-effeminate. But in the gay Black male community it seems to no just be non-effeminate but someone who people are not “clockable”. Meaning those who folks would be surprised to find out that they were gay or involved in homosexual activities, due to the way they carry themselves, and their appearance. But why does it even matter, one reason is that on some level gay men, especially gay Black men who grew up in an homophobic environment, feel as if they are doing something wrong, and being around people who they feel are not “masculine” enough and by being with someone who is hyper-masculine or “unclockable” frees them of that “guilt” to a degree. Another reason is that since these are gay men, they want someone who is going to typify what they desire, a man, and nothing more is going to typify that than someone who excludes what they consider to be the most extreme version of one.

With all this said, what is really masculine as opposed to hyper-masculine? In my view, masculine is someone who is not effeminate, one thing I really cannot stand is when a guy refers to other guys as girl. It just rubs me, the wrong way and I don’t consider someone who does that masculine or at least that act masculine, whereas for someone else that may have no bearing on their perception of masculinity. In other words, masculinity and hyper-masculinity are very fluid and personal, thereby making it hard to define. Some things that I have noticed is that perception is key, to being viewed as masculine. An example of this is that one day I went to this club/bar, and I was dressed in some diesel jeans, and a polo shirt, and I got a few dirty looks from people, and this one guy came up to me, and started a conversation by saying the following “ Man, I love me some fem boys”. Those who know me know that I am not. So I gave him the blankest look and for a few days I was perplexed, as to why he thought that. Was it the way I was standing, was it b/c I looked scared, or my manner of dress. Then about a month later, I decided to stop into a nearby bar/club, I had already taken a shower and whatnot, and I threw on some sweats, and headed there. I get there, and within five minutes I notice about three guys checking me out. One of them actually started a conversation and we spoke, and while we spoke some effeminate man with a purse came in. This guy who was talking to me looked at that guy with total disgust, and mentioned that it’s so hard to find masculine brothas in this area. Then it dawned on me, this time I was being perceived as masculine. Why the change? Because perception is key, everyone has their own ideals about masculinity for a lot of black men, I theorize, since they were raised in a female led household without a strong male presence, they come to take what pop culture deems as black male masculinity and theorize that all black men should be that way.

What happens when that hyper-masculine guy you thought you were talking to or dating, upon closer inspection is not as hyper-masculine or even masculine as they portrayed themselves to be? Do you get upset with them for putting forth an image that they thought would attract more people to them, other than being themselves? Or do you fault yourself for being able to tell who is real and who is fake? Too many times in this life people feel the need to put on fronts and dawn a persona that is basically a bastardized version of the ideal to which they both exalt and simultaneously represses who they really are.

Just my thoughts.

Bottom & Gay Black Male culture

For all intensive purposes I have only been gay, meaning that I starting messing with dudes on a physical and allegedly romantic level, since fall of 2002. So to many people I am still a neophyte to the light of homosexuality, if one can or cares to consider it a light per se. But one thing that seems to be pervasive to all aspects of Gay culture especially in that of Black Gay Male culture is the Bottom. For those of you who may be straight, or just ignorant, the Bottom is the male who is penetrated by another man in anal sex. Due to the fact that for a large segment of the population bottoming or being penetrated rather is the one singular characterizing trait that defines all gay men, irregardless of sexual proclivities, and for numerous Black Gay males they embrace, engage, or reject many of the stereotypes that are assumed to be part in parcel with the idea of being a bottom, for these reasons I state that the Bottom is the one singular permeating behavior that dominates Gay Black Male culture.

For many people both in and outside “the Life” being penetrated is what defines being gay. Granted anyone can get penetrated via the anus because we all have one, but the notion that only a man can penetrate another man and for many people they tie this in with jail where the one that is penetrated is the one who considered weak. People even quote bible scriptures which discuss homosexual anal sex as being God’s rejection of homosexuality, but no one points out any scripture where romantic love between two men is wrong. Because of this act above all others is what people tie with being gay it is another reason why the notion of the Bottom or the act thereof is the most dominating force in the Gay Black Male culture. at In life, perception is reality, if you are perceived to be one thing then for many people they put you in that category, whether or not you perceive yourself to be that or not. In the Gay Black Male Community you have men who enjoy being penetrated, and are willing to conform to stereotypical ideals of what are gay male behaviors and mannerisms, such as effeminacy in speech, dress, and overall demeanor as a means of displaying their sexual habits. This is due to the wider community and the Gay Male community accepting that those are penetrated are the “women or the bitch” in the sexual equation, thusly some bottoms are willing to conform to this because they feel that is what they are supposed to do. But on the other side there are Black men who go out of their way to typify the latest ethos of masculinity in an effort not to be labeled as “the bitch” even though they bottom as well. Some may try to build their body up so that it is intimidating to other men, others try to wear the latest in urban clothing and display mannerisms of the like as well, all in an effort not to be labeled as a bottom or being able to be “clocked”.

What I want someone who reads this to take away is that this is in no way an indictment of those who bottom, or anything of that ilk. If anything it is an indictment of how people use the larger US define the smaller us. It is one thing if those on the outside care to describe or put connation upon us and our behaviors but once we accept those and live within their confines in a lifestyle not of their making therein lies the problem. We become subject and create a mental and emotional ghetto that we have the keys to free ourselves but are too scared to do so.

Just my thoughts

Allow me to re-introduce myself

The time has come for me to throw down the intellectual gauntlet and challenge myself to
more intellectual posts Looking at some of my past posts I started to question my own credibility
as an member of the Afro-centric intelligentsia. With that in mind So my next three posts will have the topics as follows: Bottom Culture in the Gay Black Male community, the idea of Black Masculinity as it relates to Black Gay Males, and Trading Love for Sex…..

An update

Sorry I haven’t updated the page in a minute but life sometimes can really get you busy…So let me take this time to bring everyone up to speed upon my journey.

On the career search I’ve enlisted the big guns…my parents, those who know me that I gain about 70% of my knowledge, personality, and essence from my Mom. So she told me to do the following: Take a week and just think what you would like to do and what are you good at, which I did then find out who you can employ those skills and desires in a job that will ultimately fit in your ultimate goal. In my case my ultimate career goal is to not have to work at all by the time I’m 40 years old. Which for me means that I am going to have to create income generating incomes…got any ideas? My only idea is that I could and will own properties, throughout the United States. Right now I’m in the process of going to happy hours, and networking events and re-doing my resume for jobs that I’m interested in, which tend to be a business analyst, government intelligence analyst, or something along those lines. Anyone with words of knowledge or help is greatly appreciated.

The next thing happened about three weeks ago, once again I was sitting home alone on a Friday night. Then I actually said this out loud “This don’t make a bit of goddamn sense, yo’ black ass is home again like you got some kids and shit” So with that sentence I decided that from now one I’m going to go out at least once every weekend. So two weeks ago me and my girl Claudette were supposed to go to Love but you know we met up too late to use our free passes (I’ve made another promise to myself that I refuse to pay to go to a straight club) so we ended up going to BarNun. BarNun was eh okay, partly b/c Claudette just came out of the Peace Corps so she had to get readjusted to the DC scene, plus she was dressed for Love (read dress to impress) and didn’t know about the latest dances or songs. So that made that night a eh..sort of flat. I mean I was tearing it up on the dance floor, and had a good time hell, no reason for us both to be lookin lost on the dance floor…I dance way too well for that to happen.

Then the next night my friend PrAKArious planned to go out to H20. So we get to the club around 10:30 and the line is RIDICOUSLY LONG. We might have even tried to chance it if it weren’t so damn cold (18 degrees) and that’s before the wind chill. So we drive around DC, and we’re about go to Republic Gardens, but there is no parking within four blocks of any of the clubs on U st, where Republic Gardens is located. So then I get the bright idea of going to FUR, after getting lost for about 30 mins trying to find the right turn, we finally find a space a block away. Then we get to the door and ask how much is it to get in, for the short entrance the cost is 40 dollars and for the long wait in the howling wind line it is 25 dollars and this for international night. So we just drive around listening to the radio and having a good time and then come home and sleep.

But I refused to give up so the next day, Sunday, I plan to do it up again, this time I’m not driving b/c the cost of gas was getting to me. So decide to go to Chocolate Sundays at Gazua’s and then to the Fireplace. Again, it was cold as all hell, but this time I take the metro. So I finally make it to Chocolate Sundays, and it was so DC. Let me explain what made it so DC, people were sitting down listening to the type of House music that you hear when in United Colors of Benetton, and talking to people that they rolled there with. On a side note is it me or are 75% of all gay black men in DC over the age of 34? So I’m there and soaking up the ambiance, and realizing that there is no mingling going on at all. It looked like there were about six private parties going on and no one was mixing. So between that the incessant drowning of House music, I had to leave to go to the Fireplace at least for a cheap drink and some Hip-Hop. I get there, and it’s crowded, as I expected, and I get there mill for a second, and see if there is anyone I know, and there isn’t so I just chill and get a drink and take it all in.

That was pretty much the end of my President’s Weekend.

Last week I took one my str8 friends, the other half of the Doublemint twins, to the Delta, I know that a lot of guy hate it when women are in a gay club. But Doublemint isn’t like that at all; in fact I think she was cooler with it than me. So we get there a tad bit early, I know I got there early b/c I was able to get a parking space in front of the club, a first for me. But once we get inside Doublemint twin and I have a good time, we listen to the music chill and whatnot. Then when I think “Milkshake” comes on one of those fem boys how thinks that they can pop, and work it better than any “fish” was dancing near here, and started trying to break it down, and then looked her up and down. Not a good look….someone should have warned them Doublemint can and does break it down to damn near EVERY genre of music. So she started to break it down and then looked him up and down like “What now?!?!?” then the fem boy walked off the dance floor. So then when the crowd starts to thicken up we start to just wile the hell out, we start dancing as raunchy as all hell lol…It was funny there were times when the kids around us were looking like “clutch the pearls” lol…they weren’t ready.

But after going out two weekends in a row I have new found respect for club kids, because the next work day I was a hot ass mess, and had to leave work early and sleep.

What’s the game plan for next weekend? Chillin with my cousin/best friend in Richmond, Bookie…now I’ll definitely have some stories b/c when we get together we always end up in some shit lol…