I need help & Thank you Bmore....Two Postings in 1

I think I need professional help, I think I need to go to therapy. Partly, because I feel as if I need someone to talk to, but also because I have a lot of unresolved issues within myself that I think are impairing my relationships with others. For instance, I feel like I am emotionally dead. Doesn’t that sound dramatic, maybe not dead but dormant because I don’t really feel anything anymore. I remember a time when I used to be truly happy, and could laugh with abandonment, cry one of those good cries that make you fall asleep afterwards, or just got excited when a guy called when he said he did. Now I just don’t feel anything, maybe I have been through so much that I have used closing my emotions as a defense mechanism.

But besides that, I keep most people at bay, giving them the illusion that they know me. I can talk about anything I’m going through no matter how personal with anyone, and never feel close to any of them. Maybe I need professional help, I will be exploring the professional help over the summer. I know that there are places where one can go to receive free treatment but a lot of the services that are free are not really the best out there. Plus for good service that means that I would have to pay last time I checked a good psychotherapist costs about 90 an hour. I don’t know how much the health coverage covers as, something else to look into.

Just my thoughts

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So its been nearly seven months since my move to Baltimore, and its been a mixed bag. Granted I have accomplished a goal that I set for myself, put down roots literally (i.e. my garden), been social with my neighbors, and even recommended my real estate agent to one of the investors I have met. Cool but I’m still pretty detached from Baltimore, I really don’t know anyone here, I don’t go out to any of the festivities, and I rarely go to Druid Hill Park which is literally a block away from my house. Part of the blame is that I work in DC, so I really don’t meet people who live in Baltimore. But that’s merely an excuse, hell the real reason why is pretty much I don’t care to meet people. On a not so deep level I am more than happy living a solitary life, at times it gets lonely and being an hour or more from people seems to be a nuisance but for the most part I am content.

Unlike in DC when I felt obligated to go out meet people and take advantage of all that DC has to offer with Baltimore I don’t feel that drive at all. The only organization that I am interested in joining in Baltimore is the neighborhood or block association. The reasoning behind that is, I want know what is going on, and to have a say on any economic development opportunities that my neighborhood can be apart of.

Maybe its me maturing, or maybe its depression, but I just really don’t give a fuck. I’m good, I know that Baltimore is not the end of the road for me I goal is to live in NYC after I get my masters. So Baltimore is serving its purpose, a place to lay my head.

Thank you Baltimore.