Spring has Sprung early....

Spring has sprung a little early it seems. Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs, by my number, sands, and friend Virginia Slim. To my surprise they are in the process of getting back together with their X. The surprise was that I did not know any of this, at all. In fact, it seems as if they were keeping this from me or did not feel comfortable sharing this, but they put in their blog, its cool. But what really hit me was that damn its official damn near everyone I know if in the process of nesting with someone, or already nesting, everyone. With the exception of my cousin/best friend Bookie, and I. Hell, earlier this week my ADP Hammertime sent out an email to everyone that he and his girlfriend of eight years are engaged.

I can’t help but feel extremely self-conscious, when I say everyone I know around my age that I know is coupling I mean everyone. There is a crew to which I’m on the peripherily called “Da Fam” and basically its about 4 or 5 couples who hang out on a consistent basis. These are great people, salt of the earth but I cannot help but feel out of place. A perfect example is this past New Years party which they hosted I had to slip out when the couples started to get too cozy. Then after that, I drove home alone, to an empty apartment. What the hell?!?!?!?!!?!??!!?!?

Hell in fact I just counted and I know over 30 of my friends/associates that are boo’ed up. This cuts across sexual orientation, its any and everyone. Except my cousin and I. I must be doing something inherently wrong for someone not to even try to grab my attention or flirt or anything of that nature. Now the inevitable question comes, do I really want to be with someone. I can honestly say I’m open to the idea and the possibility. But even more than that, damn a man cannot live on bread and water alone. I want to feel desirable, I want someone to flirt with me, and try to get to know me better. I mean damn can a nigga get a date shit!?!?!?!?!?!

This lack of attention has started to reach dangerous levels. In fact, I’m finding folks who I ordinarily I would not think of as attractive, as some fine ass folks. It’s like my eyes have lowered their standards in an effort to widen my potential mates. Almost as if my pupil dilates with less choices trying to draw in more and more options. Again what is going on. I’ve done some soul searching and some looking in the mirror see am I that unattractive to people? Is there something inherent in my spirit that turns people off the notion that I am more than a sexual being? Is this my fate, to be alone.

I have even gone back to my upbringing and thought well maybe its because I came from a one parent household and that is why I am not with someone. Because I am not familiar with nesting and coupling behavior, is this the case? People tend to emulate what they are used to seeing and how they were brought up. For many people their choice in significant others can be related back to childhood experiences. But what about me, I did not grow up privy to that, so by that am I destined to suffer the ravages of time alone? (yes that last sentence was real dramatic but you get the idea)

Or does this mean that I have to work doubly as hard to make things work. I don’t know what it is, but its something. Everyone around me is coupling, and granted I am open to the idea of truly dating and getting to know someone it does not seem like its happening, or its ever going to happen. In fact, I’m 23 going on 24 and I have yet to be in a “relationship”. I guess some things weren’t meant to be.


Just my thoughts.

Found this and thought it'll be interesting




Networking
What it is

* Networking is collaborating, connecting, exchanging and gaining information from and with others
* Networking is asking for information
* The stakes are lower because you are asking for information and names
* It is your responsibility to set up the meeting and drive the agenda

What it is not

* Networking is not asking for an interview or a job
* It is not as formal as an interview

Your networks

* Your interpersonal network includes people who don't see your business persona; rather they see you in relationship to personal bonds. They are your relatives and friends.
* A professional network includes people who know you at work. They can convey their opinion on how well you perform. They see your business persona and therefore, they focus on what you contribute rather than who you are.
* An affiliation network includes business associations, community groups and professional groups. Their opinions are based on how well and how much you contribute to the overall objectives of the group.
* Situational networking occurs unexpectedly, in the spur of the moment, with accidental conversations or during unexpected circumstances.

Calming your nerves

Even the most seasoned networker feels scared and alone at times. To help calm your fear, start networking with people you are most comfortable or familiar with. These people are already part of your informal, primary networking team. But there will be a time when you will be faced with walking into a room filled with strangers.

* Look for people in a group, maybe where one or more are doing most of the talking, join in by listening. When attention focuses on you, introduce yourself. If the conversation is not of mutual interest, move on.
* If you feel more comfortable in a one-on-one setting, look for those individuals standing alone. Break the ice and introduce yourself. Find out where they're from, what they do. Make conversation.
* Look for the coordinators of the event, introduce yourself and learn if they know someone that you should meet. They usually want the event to be successful and will help you mix in.
* Look for the person who seems to know everyone. Introduce yourself; let him or her know you do not know anyone here. Ask if he or she will introduce you to others.
* Be prepared to talk about yourself.
* ARRIVE EARLY. Sometimes it is easier to start with a small group, and keep up with whose coming in, versus walking into a totally filled room.
* Keep your eye on the prize. Remember what your goal is and stay focused.
* Get people to talk about themselves. If there is a mutual benefit for both people, then pass out your card. Ask for theirs in return.
* Do not enter a conversation that appears to be intensely focused. If you have and did not realize it, remove yourself gracefully and quickly: "I am sorry I interrupted you. I will talk with you when you are not so busy."
* When entering the room or a new group, scope out someone you may have met or seen before and re-introduce yourself to begin the conversation.
* Find someone who is wearing something you can comment on as to the uniqueness, color, style, etc., to break the ice.
* Mingle, mingle, and mingle with people in different areas to get to know a broad spectrum of people, then leverage the contacts you've made.
* Just do it! Sometimes you just need to jump in to find out the water is fine.
* Ask a friend to go with you to an event. See who can make the most networking contacts.
* Attend networking mixers such as the Chamber of Commerce meetings. The Chamber of Commerce can provide you with a list of current networking events in your area.

Tips for networking in person

* Project confidence in how you dress, what you say and how you listen.
* Use good eye contact while speaking and listening.
* Extend your hand for a firm handshake.
* Speak the person's name. People like to hear their name, and it will help you to remember who they are.
* Smile. Let people know you are approachable, friendly and happy to be there. No one knows how scared you may be inside.
* Be aware of your surroundings. If the person you are talking with looks busy, allow them to leave with dignity.
* Write a thank you note to anyone you met who has given you a lead, advice or important information to assist you in your job search.

Tips for networking over the phone

* Project confidence and a "smile" in your voice.
* Build rapport quickly, within the first minute.
* Always ask if this is a good time to talk with the contact. If the time is ok, then you can identify the purpose. If it is not a good time, ask when would be a convenient time for you to call back.
* Identify yourself and if someone referred you. "Mr. Smith, my name is Bill Yee and I am a colleague of Julie Hess. Julie tells me you've had a lot of experience in company reorganizations. I was wondering if I could speak to you about your career development. Would you have an hour to speak to me, perhaps over coffee?"

Thank you notes

Once you have left the meeting it is time to write or type a thank you note. There are no exceptions to this. Someone has taken their valuable time to talk with you and you need to acknowledge their effort. A telephone call does not have the same impact as a note.
Red light signals

A person's willingness to talk with you will depend on several factors. Beware of the following:

* You go over the time limit you and the contact have agreed upon. If you want more than 10 minutes don't say, "I'll need only 10 minutes of your time."
* You ask for too much from the contact. "Would you be kind enough to review my resume and help me with my job search strategies?"
* You have not planned for the meeting and therefore don't have questions or agenda items prepared and don't know what to say.
* You ask for a job.
* You do all the talking and none of the listening.

Keeping in touch

There are many opportunities to keep in touch with people you have met along the way. Below are some examples of how you can continue your networking relationship.

* Send a card for a birthday or anniversary.
* Send holiday cards.
* Acknowledge the person with a note if he or she receives a promotion or job change.
* Don't call people in your network only when you need something. Call to just say hello.
* Drop a note through e-mail.
* Send or e-mail a clipping of an article you have read that someone else would be interested in.
* Focus on how you might be able to help others.

KEEP IT TIGHT!!!!!!

This weekend I was talkin’ to my boy L a Q from NSU, and after we shot the shit for a second, I decided to check his bruhz probate online from another HBCU. Partly because I’ve never seen a Q probate, and other part because I was bored and had not a damn thing else to do while it snowed. So I’m watching this one and a half hour probate (a probate is basically a Greek debut for National Pan-Hellenic Council members, honestly I got bored after 30 minutes. I mean it was okay, but it wasn’t as thorough as I’m used to seeing.

Let me explain this, at my Alma Mater, damn near everyone when they came out they were tight, with the exception of the SGRho’s. Hell, when my lb’s and I probated it was one of the best that my Alma Mater had seen in a very long time. But not just my frat, but the Sigmas, Zetas, AKAs, and Deltas all came out TIGHT and on point. As I was watching the Q probate, I started to think of other probates I’ve seen at other chapters and at other schools for other orgs, but they honestly could not hold a candle to their sorors or frat at my Alma Mater.

Some of the things that really set us apart were things that EVERY org stressed intensity, originality, being TOGETHER, and knowing your shit. This could be seen first off in our greetings, when we greeting our frat, our dean, ADP, big bruhz in the chapter, and other big bruhz. Man my LB’s and I used to joke that we could release some underground mixtapes of greetings that we had, we had the REAL version, the PG version, remixes, and unheard greetings that were just in case. As an example before we finished our ADP’s greeting we had about 10 songs we went through, all together he had over 30 songs in our probate.

Like our greetings you had to be able to grit, I mean G-R-I-T, I saw one of those folks in the probate this weekend, and two of them looked liked like broken spirit slaves, and three of them looked like they smelled something funny. Of course my number 7, had the best grit, but that goes without saying.

I promise you there is nothing like a probate taking place in the evening/night that is tight, with hot greetings, folks spittin’ the most info they can in one single unified breath. That is a tight a probate.

Just my thoughts…..

Nigga Day

I AM NOT THE ONE

Today is just one of those nigga days I have sometimes. Let me first state before I get into what a nigga day is, I love the word nigga, its one of the few instances in which Black people show they have control over the English language. Very few words are White people afraid to say in front a group of Blacks, and nigga is one of them…they know that there is a high probability that even that Uncle Tom, or Aunt Jane (terms used to describe Black who have “sold out”) will even act a fool and show their color.

So today I’m havin’ a nigga day at work, and probably until I go to sleep, for me a nigga day is when you act like a pure D nigga. I came to work today, with the attitude of shit they lucky I came today, and they BEST not say SHIT to me. My face is all chopped and screwed, people coming’ to me with dumb shit have already been told about themselves. I mean you are too damn grown to act like you don’t know how to do the simplest of tasks without someone holding your hand. Don’t get me wrong I’m still professional, I’m having a nigga day, I’m not a nigga though BIG difference.

I think what set me off is that I feel under pressure, I did not make a lot of money at all last year, considering for the better part of 2005 I had two jobs working seven days a week. Then on top of that it looks like every time I do my taxes it looks like I owe Uncle Same some money!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!? Where the fuck are those Enron accountants when I need them?!?!?!?!?! I mean shit; I was at home scratchin’ my head like Step-in-Fetch it trying to think of some creative way to get a credit and to no avail. On top of that, I am under some serious financial pressure, so much so that I’m looking for a new job because I cannot afford to live on what I’m making anymore especially in a field that I am in any way shape of form getting fulfilled.

So I made an executive decision that the next job I get I need to get NO LESS than 40k, in the DC metro area it isn’t as high as it sounds, and I am not doing ANYTHING, admin and/or customer service. I hate it, I mean I’m good at it but I really don’t like dealing with people asking, and whining over shit. Ideally I would have liked to work in politics making 40k but with my little bit of experience and lack of viable hook ups that shit is a pipe dream now. Just to tie this into my nigga day, I’m straight looking for another job at my current jobs, and making lists of possible places to work and stuff like that.

Tonight I’m going to the NOVA chapter of the Young Professionals League of the Urban League. Hopefully that will breed some potential contacts and whatnot, a brotha is over here struggling with trying to live. Hell it’s like every pay period I look at my bills and get depressed because after I may those bad boys I have no money. I’m essentially living to work, & not vice versa.

What the fuck am I doing wrong?!?!?!?!?


All I know is nobody besta come to my black ass with no bullshit….I ain’t the one


Just my thoughts

Get what you expect

This morning I was listening to the Russ Parr morning and they had Iyanla Vanzant, and this young guy called about how he’s really apprehensive about him re-uniting with his father who has been in jail for the past few years, because it always ends up that he gets abused. But one thing that really made me think was that Iyanla said that what you expect is what you get, NOT what you think you deserve. How many people expect to get shitted, cheated on, lied to, or just hurt but they think they deserve to be treated the complete opposite.

So many times people come into a relationship with the expectation of getting hurt that they focus so much on that, that in fact that’s all they get, hurt. I’ll take myself for example, this summer I re-met this one guy, who just so happened to be in my frat and my sands. With that, we both came to start dealing with each other timidly, but we started the beginnings of something pretty nice, nothing serious but it was cool for what it was. Then as things progressed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen, or that I was going to hurt, this was due in part b/c previously when we first met each other and hung out, he told he cheated on his ex. I can honestly say, even to this day this has somewhat tainted my every dealings with them to a certain degree. But the bigger part, lied in me, I did not feel that someone caring for me was a possible, that there had to be some ulterior motive behind someone dealing with me. Then when things began to fizzle, I automatically erased them from my buddy lists, phone book, and pretty much tried to get rid of any memory I had of them. Why, because I felt that this was just another instance that I was getting hurt, but in reality I was reading much more in their actions than that were there, because I was seeing what I wanted, a self-fulfilling prophecy in many respects.

Now you can juxtapose that with one of my friends, he is always finding people who are willing to bend over backwards to prove their interest to him. To illustrate, this brotha lives in West Virginia and he had one of his boyfriends come from Ohio, at least a 2 hour drive one way, to come visit him. Then another man he had, this other one was in Philly and would make the same drive to West Virginia. I used to be baffled, b/c here I am in the DC metro area I can’t get a brotha to make a 30-45 min drive to see me, but this man got negroes doing some crossing state lines to see him, what in the world?!?!?!?!?!?! But the difference was not only was he willing to drive to see them as well, but that he knew that he was worth AND expected such behavior. Because he expects such behavior he gets guys that will reciprocate.

You can expand this idea to theory of entitlement, if you think you are entitled to such behavior you will get such behavior. You get what you put out there….



Just my thoughts

Ok I'm spent

My mind is gone, I've officially hit the brink wall. I have nothing more to blog about. I do have my personal life, but I really don't feel comfortable blogging about the fam. So I need your help, please give me topics to blog about.

Thanks

W&Y

I am not a baller nor do I pretend to be

I am not a baller nor do I pretend to be

In fact I lead a pretty financially stringent life, as discussed earlier I am not adverse to working two jobs, I did it for the better part of 2005. Partly because I believe in paying dues and thought that sometimes its more important to gain experience instead of financial gain. So I worked two jobs, then when the opportunity presented itself, IE my current job situation I took it. The main reason being that I could take credits up to 12 credits a year for free. So the gameplan was to apply to take a graduate course or two then apply to grad schools that the university has then take courses as a grad student for that program. Due to this line of reasoning, I thought that it was more beneficial for me to take a job I really cannot use as far as ultimate career goals are concerned but I could rationalize it to future employers, I did it so that I may take go to grad school for free. But now I'm beginning to feel the pinch, in more ways than one financially.

Recently I started to apply to different graduate schools, and I sent away my first application and the fee was 60 dollars, so after paying my rent and buying groceries, I could not understand why I was so short on money. Then it dawned on me, its because I was 60 dollars short. Now at first I was thinking well maybe its because I'm not budgeting my money right, but then I looked at my spending habits and that is not the case, in fact I try to save money every time I get paid, but between having a one bedroom apartment, a car, car insurance, and other expenses in order to live I end up dipping into the savings I try to establish. Besides that, certain family issues have intensified and I'm thinking about moving back home to Norfolk, VA. Doing this would throw a serious monkey wrench into a lot of my plans I had for myself, including going to go graduate school. Granted I found a graduate program down there that I would more than likely get accepted into, but there are a lot of issues. Some being that the graduate program isn't nearly as highly regarded as the others that I am applying to, moving back home and being near my mom would cause a lot of stress because our relationship is strained at best, and trying to find a job that I am not only qualified for but one that I would enable me to help my mother financially.

Part of me is thinking about looking for a higher paying job in the DC area, and then go to school part time, financing it through student loans or by any means necessary going part time. Thereby allowing myself to gain the income necessary to give back financially. Which does not seem that bad but there are two issues with this. The first being that recently I was contemplating going to school full time and knocking it out so I would not have to work and delay my graduation, plus two of the programs are full time programs. The other being the whole idea of getting paying job that is not in my field of interest but one that I could make money to help my mother out, because the fields of interests that I have and that I went to school for are not ones that you make money in until you reach the upper echelons, which could take a decade.

Unfortunately I knew this day was coming, I just did not think that it would come so soon. Ever since I was five I knew my life was not solely my own, but rather my actions, or inactions rather would have a direct effect on my family. I have always tried to be there for my mom and my brother, but it seems like nothing I do is ever good enough. Yet I cannot stop trying I never want to look back with regret thinking that I could have done more.

Just my thoughts

Where my brothas at?!?!?!!?!?!?

Okay so I live near chocolate city which is rapidly becoming more beige due to gentrification but I digress. So every happy hour I go to that is geared towards young urban professional African-Americans (read 21-32) the women outnumber the men like 2 to 1 ratio. So I’m like where my brothas at?!?!?!?!?!?!?! The sorry state of African-American men is at critical mass, in my opinion we, as a people need to make some drastic changes. I think one is that we can not trust the current public education system. There are high disparity amount of young African-American boys in classes designed for those with mental, emotional, or learning disabilities.

Perfect example is myself; up until I was in the 8th grade I had teachers, only white teachers, suggest to my Mom that I needed to be put in classes geared toward those with the aforementioned issues. Now, unbeknownst to them my Mom had an Ed.D from Columbia University and was not about to let Becky who barely graduated from some college out in the boondocks tell her about the capacities of her children. So until the 8th grade I had to take emotional and IQ tests, which would basically state that I was well adjusted and more mature for my age, and that intellectually I was bright. But now if my Mom was someone who did not know how to work the system, and believed that the teachers had my best interest at heart then there is no telling where I would have ended up or what I would have become.

I know one instance that really was instrumental in my development was knowledge of what you are, and what that meant. I was fortunate enough to have been enrolled in a private all African-American run and enrolled school while growing up at various times in my life, and while there we were taught the basics, got the personal attention that we needed for whatever we were lacking, but more than that or just as important everything we did regardless of the subject we learned how our people African-American contributed to society in all aspects. Now, there are some that would argue that this African-American centric way of thought and schooling does not serve any real purpose in a more globalize world. All I know is every single one of the kids I who went to Greenhill Farms Academy not only graduated from College but all of us are either in grad school, gearing up for grad school, or finished with it. I think we need more Greenhill Farms Academies with a concentrated focus on aiding and helping our young boys.
Another big thing that changed my idea about college was going to colleges and visiting them, not just the ones nearest to your home, but to a variety of college and universities. Too often, we tell our youth go to college that is the best way to better your circumstance, and ultimately improve the quality of life for your family. Now, short of programs like upward bound, there are not too many ways for young, African-American boys to get out there and believe that it possible for them to go to college, to succeed, and to get that great job to help their family.

Now I do not profess to have the answers, or the reasons why African-American girls are doing better than the boys, I do not know. There is a nation wide crisis with the state of men going on and because there are so few African-Americans we feel it a lot harder than Whites. Unfortunately, this situation with the lack of African-American men seems to be something that started to occur during the Vietnam War, I cannot say for certain. All I know is that if we are to save ourselves we need to first help ourselves.

Just my thoughts