Trying very hard

Ever since I started this blog I have tired very hard not to talk about work, or the happenings on that front. But as of today I can’t hold back anymore. On Monday I was laid off, via the phone, and now I’m looking for another job. I found myself depressed, anxious, and fighting the urge to be very very bitter. For those who’ve I’ve told, I’ve tried very hard to have a happy face on and to be positive but its extremely difficult. I’m looking for work, but since I really don’t have a clear idea as to what the hell I want to do, its even more difficult. I really don’t know what the future has in store, and yes all the positive sayings in the world are only going to do be but so much good. I need a job man!!!

Just my thoughts

10 Hoe Commandments

This is Len again, back with another installment this time its about sex, straight sex, gay sex, group sex, freak sex, but most of all DESCRETE sex. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they feel the desire to “sow their wild oats” From this point on, I will refer to this period as being a hoe. While being a hoe, it is vital that you do not let your activities dictate how people see you and future opportunities that may arise, hence the need to be discrete remember you have a reputation you have to up hold. To help those who are in need I, Len Dorsey have codified the 10 Hoe Commandments:

1. Never give your real name.

When you are out on the prowl and you have it in your mind that this is only going to be a fuck, there is no reason on God’s green earth that they have to know your gov’t name or the name that you use professionally, especially if your parents gave you a unique name. But what is suggested is to use the same pseudonym consistently, so when they call you and ask to speak to a “Carl” you automatically know under what premise you know them.

2. Don’t play where you rest your head at.

Its best to not bring home anyone in your domicile that is only there under the guise of sex People talk to damn much, even if you follow the first commandment sometimes people will still try to figure out who you are by asking about you and its real easy for them to pin point your based on physical description and where you live and off of what street. Your home is your sanctuary and you don’t need every trick see how you live, and where you live. If their place is not available, and both of you are too cheap to pay for a motel room, be creative and adventurous, cars, parks, alleys, etc are all possible venues for the hook up.

3. Have different standards for fucks, friends, and lovers.

Too often people use the same physical criteria to determine who can be their fucks, friends, and lovers. Some do it consciously others do it sub-consciously, don’t think you have one, take a good look at past relationships, and your friends and see what type of commonalities they have. What this does is create a profile of what type of person you like, and if the fuck is just that do you really want someone to find out and be able to say “yeah you’re their type” and then have your business on front street, I think not. So what you do is have variations physically, let’s say you have a thing for red-bones open yourself to be hoe with yellow folks. If you have a thing for a certain build try to get people who do not fit into that category readily, you never know you may enjoy it.

4. Don’t find fucks in the circles you already travel in.

When I was in college, I was always stunned by the amount of people who were fucking the same people. In fact two of my friends were fucking the same girl at the same time, it got to the point that if she called one up and talk to him, she would call the other one right afterwards. This is just messy, but in the real world people do this shit too. If you are in the Arts and Entertainment business step outside of that realm and find someone who is a intellectual property lawyer, a stripper, a CPA, etc. Besides minimizing the chance that your business will be put out there by someone in your same circle, its also good to do this to add to the thrill of the search.

5. Use means of communication you have control over.

In this technologically advanced age, with various ways of communicating with people it is vital that the evidence of any hook ups be kept to a minimal level. For instance why text message someone so they can have proof that you hooked up with them, the best way are means that don’t leave any trail back to you.

6. Make sure all parties involved know what the deal is.

Karma is a spiteful bitch. Hence the reason why its vital that everyone involved know explicitly what the deal is, if its just a fucking arrangement clarify that before you do the do. For some people they cannot have sex without having a deep meaningful emotional connection, and there is nothing wrong with that. But for someone to mislead an individual they’re asking for retribution.

7. Use this to experiment.

Everyone has fantasies, things that they want to try out and just test the waters. Being a hoe gives you the opportunity to really engage in sexual experimentation without the fear that it will one day be brought back in your face to demonstrate some sort of deviancy or depravity.

8. Specialize not generalize

Remember sex is just a part of life, and like any other part of life there are certain arenas where one excels in and others that need to be improved. It doesn’t matter what past lovers or fucks have told you, you’re not great in every aspect of the bedroom. Get over it. But everyone has certain actions or activities that they like and thusly are more adept at doing. Use this time to hone in on your skills and learn your craft. The bedroom is not someplace where its good to be a “Jack of all trades, and a Master of none.”

9. Don’t hold back

Nothing is worse than a frigid hoe, it negates the reason why you’re being a hoe. There is a difference between being assertive and knowing what you do and do not like to do. But holding back is when you let the fear of the unknown or the situation inhibit you going for yours.

10. Don’t run your mouth

Most people forget this most simple rule. In fact most hoes are found out because they tell on themselves. Why on God’s green earth are you bragging about how many fucks you had, or how good this anonymous person was that you don’t even remember their name. Get that together, certain things are private and what happens behind closed doors, parks, bathrooms, cars, parking lots, etc, etc, etc. are strictly between you and the individual(s). Don’t go running your mouth to your best friend, just because their your best friend today doesn’t mean they won’t be your worst enemy tomorrow.

Now that you have these guidelines go out and do what you do, just remember to be responsible and to put yourself first, no one else will.

T.E.R.P.S Update

T.E.R.P.S. Update

Well its not been a good quarter for TERPS. I have been in a mood indigo.

Travel: Still saving up for my trip to Brazil but I don’t think that will be happening this summer.

Economics: Bought a home, sublet my apt for the duration of the lease, and starting the last week in February going to aggressively target raising my FICO score by 30 pts by the end of August.

Relationships: Fuck love, well romantic love at least, that’s just something that has and will allude be so I’ve come to terms with that. My mom and I have grown closer, and I wish I was physically closer to my friends who are beginning to move to various points of the US.

Physical: Yea haven’t hit the gym seriously since before T-day and really feel no incentive nor desire to really do anything.

Spiritual: I read Psalm 73.

Just my thoughts

Introducing Lenny Dorsey

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a V-day story by Lenny Dorsey. Le'Chaim!

Hello my name is Leonard Dorsey and I’m alone, again. Well again would entail that there was even a modicum of time where this wasn’t the case. But as the minutes grow into hours, hours grow into days, so to does my state of solitude increase. By now you’re probably saying to yourself while rolling your proverbial eyes. “Lord, another dramatic fag whining about being alone.” Well in my defense I have this to say.

Fuck you! You’re reading this so allow me to be the dramatic cunt that I set out to be. Anyway, back to my army of one. I truly don’t understand in all honesty I’m damn fine, plain and simple. I’m tall, in-shape although not as much as I once was, great in bed or so they say, easy to talk to, and financially secure, did I mention humble. In short what every parent wants for their daughter. Hell I get the “why can’t you be straight” all the time from females, not the dick hungry ones that are so desperate for a man that they will take anything its attached to. No, I’m talking about the dime females, the ones breeders and the bisexual boys run after. I guess for the vagina carrying crew I’m the forbidden fruit (for the slow ones that was a pun).

But I can say that the men, and I use that term loosely, in DC have ever been so nice as to provide themselves as mirages. You know an illusion, I’ll use this guy Craig as an example. Craig and I met in 05, two weeks before the New Year, in one of DC’s most infamous of places. The Glorious Health and Amusement, fondly and quietly referred to as “The Follies”. For those of you looking at your monitors inquisitively like, what’s that, it’s was a place where men went to have sex with other men. They had dark rooms, gloryholes (google it), wooden benches and beds for sex. Now don’t go clutching your pearls too hard or gasping too loudly to attract the attention of those around you. If you are gay or even straight for that matter you have probably done the same shit, just not in that place, or maybe you have. Back to Craig, when I saw him I was literally taken aback, which doesn’t happen often. I saw this fine, well built caramel dipped Adonis standing erect at 6’5. It was as if he didn’t walk but glided his body across the floor. When I got his attention and he smiled at me, it was over. We started to make out, I started to feel his body to make sure everything was as how I thought it was it would be. Broad shoulders that could carry the weight of world easily like Atlas. Chest firm and solid, arms like tree trunks. Abs so defined that I could do a months load of laundry on them. His ass was amazing as well, firm and round like two basketballs rubbing against each other. So after our make-out section we went to a bar hung out and talked. He asked if I wanted to a threesome and I declined, a. I don’t bottom, b. his “boy” was just one of those guys who people would like because he was hi-yalla and that was it. I mean people need to realize if you’re going to have a color complex still get people who are goodlooking. So we ended up going back to the Follies and had amazing sex. I’ll leave the rest to your Cocodorm filled minds. We exchanged numbers and made all the usual pretenses about going to keep in touch.

This time it was different because we did, he would call, I would call, and over the course of six months we hung out several times, went out on plenty of dates, and had sex. In March he wished me happy birthday and I only in passing told him it was my b-day three weeks prior which surprised me that he remembered. By May I felt comfortable enough to call him after he went on a Cruise with his family to talk about taking our thing, whatever it was, to being exclusive. So I called, and his phone was cut off. No big deal, he would call me when he got back. May came and went as did June, July, August, September and the rest of ’06.

Eventually I saw him online, and hit him up and he explained to me that he was trying to date me but it got too difficult, but wouldn’t explain how. That he thought I was bottom b/c my style was preppy, how did you know my style was preppy if I had one sweat pants, black hoodie black air force ones and a long white tee. Then he said that that he found someone else more versatile than I and decided to pursue a relationship with them. But that didn’t work out b/c they dogged him out. Mind you, I know I’m a top but if I was ever to date or be exclusive with anyone, I would please them. Enough said.

So after listening to my Billie Holiday, Fiona Apple, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Ma Rainey, Bessie Smith, and Mary J Blige mix tape I just chocked it up to another mirage.

Like any other mirage Craig from a distance, emotionally and romantically seemed to be the one I was waiting for. Granted the auspices of how we met were not the greatest but in my mind, it was one of those things that if the end justifies the means fuck it. But as soon as I got close to where I could finally put down my guard and give myself over. No sooner did I find out I was tricked and I had actually walked in a circle to the same familiar spot I have always been.

At times I wonder, Len, is it you? Do you really come off “that mean” or that unapproachable, do you except too much, maybe common decency went out with cross colors and Karl Kani. Or do you on some subconscious level pick people who you know subconsciously are not going to work out because deep down you have some underlying fear of intimacy or feel unworthy of being loved? Are you just another fag caught up in looks and can’t see people for anything more than a nice ass a good body and occasionally nice face? Hells nah! I’ve psychoanalyzed myself to the point that Freud would even say “Damn Nigga shit!” No, its just that I have not met enough people, people in non sexual environments, or in places where the conquest isn’t for the next nut but rather the golden apple (again with the fruit pun).

So as V-day approaches I sit away in my home, my empty home listening to the longing in Luther’s voice as he sings “A house is not a home”, understanding both the words, and the longing that lies beneath it all.