Living Single

Yesterday, a friend of mine were on facebook, basically oogling at various people on facebook. To me he kept looking at or liking people who just were not doing anything for me, and I let me know him. But throughout the time, he kept saying you are too picky, your standards are too high. Now this is not a new accusation for me, plenty of people who have a casual acquaintance with me, are quick to think that I am looking for perfection, or an ideal that is unattainable. But that is not the case, I am open to all types, except for overweight, and extremely thin, yet it did bring up a bigger question. Am I alone because my standards are too high, or its not my time to find that “one”.

In this day and age, where straight, gay, and otherwise are exposed to various ideals of perfection, ways to achieve this perfection from your head to your toe, and in the shortest time possible have we become more wrapped up on the pretty packaging that what is one the inside? I will be the first to admit that looks do play an integral part, in finding someone, and as much as we hate to admit it, we all have our ideal. Some like them thick, athletic, hungry looking, light, dark, effeminate, hyper masculine, coke bottle shaped, or an ass that could make Trina and Buffie the body look like Kate Moss from the back. But what looks good isn’t always for you. Case in point, I used to go to Bally’s on L ST, now this gym is infamous in DC, because honestly a high percentage of the patrons and Black gay men. When I first started frequenting the gym, I was about 6’3” and 155-160 lbs with a 29 inch waist, yea I was very small. For about the first few months, not one was paying me any type of attention, the most I conversation I got was “how many reps do you have left?”. But I started gaining weight, and my body in a year went from 155 to 210, and my waist grew from 29 to 33. With this change, there was one guy who flirted and we went out, his body was/still is amazing, an ex-marine and ex-stripper. He had a great smile, and a great personality. But that was it, there was nothing else there, we shared no similar interests, conversations were vapid at best, and we stopped calling each other because, hell we didn’t have too much to say. So with all that wrapping that was nothing really there to draw us in and build anything.

What should I do, should I date someone who I think we may have similar interests, but there is no physical attraction? I tried that too, after heeding some bullshit ass advice, I started talking to this guy who, yes we had a good amount in common. Very intelligent guy, witty, very driven, etc, but there was no physical attraction on my part at all. I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone, and he was not for me. It got to the point where I started to resent him for things that were not his fault but my own, and I started to become a mean, and very condescending person to him, which he did not deserve in the least. It was because I was frustrated, I did not feel any attraction to him physically and the more and more we talked, and got to know each other, the very idea of me kissing him, repulsed me. But I did learn a valuable lesson, which a friend mine re-interates constantly, never settle. Never settle for anyone who you think you can grow to love, or grow to be attracted to, you are not being honest with yourself nor that other person.

So where does that leave me? I guess it leads me to where I am now, I am alone but not lonely. I’m satisfied with where my life is leading me, and I am pre-occuppied with my T.E.R.P.S. plan really to lament about me not having anyone. If love comes my way, great, but if it does not and I never find anyone, I’m okay with that too.

Just my thoughts

Resolved

Resolved

re·solve (r -z lv )v. re·solved, re·solv·ing, re·solves v. tr.

To make a firm decision about.

To cause (a person) to reach a decision. See Synonyms at decide.

To decide or express by formal vote.

To change or convert: My resentment resolved itself into resignation.

To find a solution to; solve. See Synonyms at solve.

To remove or dispel (doubts).

To bring to a usually successful conclusion

This week was a week of resolution for me, no life altering need or event came about and beckoned for me to change. It was just me, Wise&Young, looking at the current state of things, and deciding it was time for a change, a upward process. I have dubbed this operation
T.E.R.P.S., which has nothing to do with UMD, but everything to do with me. Travel, Economical, Relationships, Physical, and Spiritual, a five point plan for self improvement.

Travel: Resolve; a. to travel to Brazil for Bahian Heat in 2007. to travel in August and to travel every 3 months to another part of the country or to Canada. This will be achieved through saving enough money for the Bahian trip presently I’m planning to save 1800 for the trip. The road trips I plan to save 100 per trip.

Economical: Resolve; a to own a condo in Washington, DC by my 25th birthday April 20th, 2007. b. save up for at least 3 months of mortgage, and condo fees. This will be achieved by the following, opening up a money market account, and opening a savings account. The purpose of the money market account is to save for the 3 months of mortgage and condo fees, whereas the purpose of the saving account is for the aforementioned trips, and miscellaneous things that may come up. Also I have created a budget in accordance with the money I will be making. I have set up a meeting with one of my friends financial advisors who will sit with me to plan the IRA set up and retirement information.

Relationships: Resolved; a. to approach more people, and learn to flirt. b; strengthen the bonds with people I care about and who like me. c; make more friends/associates d; cut off dead weight. This will be achieved by the following, going to more events excluding clubs, and bars simply and have a goal in mind as far as how many people I will approach. Visiting family more often, and creating events like my 90’s throwback party and inviting people who I care about. Make more friends by joining volunteer organizations and talking to people in my gym, which will require me to get off the headset and actually talk to people. Cutting off dead weight in the sense of if you are a negative person you’re cut, if you do not improve my overall well being you are cut, and if you only find time for me when it’s convenient to you, then you are cut. This cut is not meant out of malice, but so that I can grow as a person without holding on to people who are not about an upward mobile progression

Physical: Resolved; a. to eat right, b; to get my skin clear, c; to be able to bench 225 by the end of the year. This will be achieved by the following actions, I have started to watch what I eat cut down to only eating one “cheat meal” a day, and loading up on fruits for snacks. Going back to the dermatologist, but this time finding an African-American one, or one that specializes in African-American skin. Re-hire the personal trainer that I had in January for six sessions, and hire him for six weeks. The guy is great, and thorough.

Spiritual: a. to walk with God. This is to be achieved by going more often to church for spiritual guidance and officially claiming a home church. Reading the good book on my own, and using it as a tool for metaphysical enlightenment and growth.

This is my five step plan, I know that it will not be easy and this plan will most definitely be revised and updated. I cannot accept perfection, but demand that I do my best in all aspects.

Just my thoughts ......

FemQueen Performance Vogue

W-O-W ALL I GOT TO SAY....

What a weekend!

Usually on weekends I lounge around the house in either a suspended state of animation, or in a stupor that makes a sloth seem stealth and agile. But this weekend for some reason that all changed. I woke up at 6:30 am on Saturday, I know I know there is something wrong with me for continuously waking up before 7:30 on the weekends, I’m seeking professional help. But instead of me just tossing and turning fighting the urge to keep up, I got up off my ass and did some much needed cleaning of my domicile, and laundry. Then I went to the gym picked up my long over-due check, then off to the bank to deposit it, dropped clothes off at the dry cleaners, and went grocery shopping. All this was finished before 11:30 am. Then I talked to my Mom over the phone for about an hour and reveled in having completed all the chores I had planned. Then it was onto the fun stuff for the day.

The first stop was to this open house/pre-sell for this condo unit in Congress Heights, DC. The prices were very reasonable but the neighborhood, well let me preface with what I have to stay is that I grew in up in the hood in Norfolk called Huntersville, so I know hood, this place is hood. The prices are very affordable 159k for one bedroom and 189k for two bedroom one bath, and the amenities are as follows: Hardwood floors, Marble Bath, Granite Countertops, Stainless Steel Appliances, Washer & Dryer, Central Air and Heat, Balcony or patio, Security Entrance, Security System in each unit, and On site secured parking. I have to give them credit it is a great building, but the location is the troubling part to me. I wish I could had some inside knowledge about future developments in that area so I could know if the neighborhood is really going to be turning around. But like everything in life it’s a leap of faith. So if anyone has any information on re-vitalization efforts for Congress Heights, DC let me know thanks!
Bathroom with Marble Flooring

Hardwood flooring in the bedroom

More Hardwood flooring, stainless steel applicanes, and granite countertops

After that I went to Beltsville to one of my friends home in Beltsville, MD. Let me tell you the house is BANGIN’ her parents decided to move back to Jamaica and she is living in this amazing property by herself. The food at the BBQ was great, and in abundance, folks were getting the ‘itis. But after people woke up from their lull, it was on with lively conversation, great laughs, mixed drinks, and card games, and dominoes. I stayed there for at least 5 hours and time went by so fast. After leaving her house I didn’t get back home until 11. Then I got the phone calls.

I checked my missed calls and I had about 3 or 4 from various people, and after returning them. Turns out that everyone, albeit they were all gay, were going to or at this person’s house party in Silver Spring. It was thrown under the guise of a certain fraternity, which had me perplexed because even though I am not a member. I knew, that no chapter would host a gay house party. After a quick washing up, to get rid of that smoke from the BBQ off of me, and an outfit change, I was out the house, again. It only took me 20 minutes to get there, and I could hear the music bumping from two blocks away. After I pay my entrance fee of 5 dollars, I realize that it is not really a house party as much as an outside big ass backyard party. The atmosphere was cool, but it was kind of dark, which made it hard for my eyes to adjust. I know some guys thought that I was checking them out, until they saw me squinting in their direction. Eventually I found three people who I knew and had a good time. Then I notice something….Are those guys checking me out? At first I brush it off because I figure that they were trying to look for people they knew like I had done previously. But, then no matter where I moved, these same people were checking me out. Which made me feel good, but it didn’t last long.

Before leaving my house, I told one of my boys at the party, and he said that he, his new love interest, and some guy I can’t stand would be rolling through as well. I just said okay, gave them the address and said I would meet them there. Then they come through, before I write anymore I have to put out this warning please do not read this and think that I am shallow, it will come across that way but that is not the intent of the piece. So they come in, basically looking busted, my boy has one some mis-matching, wrinkled shirt on with some pleated front chino shorts and timbs. His new love interest is a short and big guy. But that is not the issue, as much as you thinking you can wear anything when that is not reality. Case in point, he had one some tight sleeveless shirt on, which made him look, not the best. Then the other guy, was just funny looking as usual. But to each his own right? Wrong, I noticed that after they came and we started talking and hanging around each other, the looks and glances I had stopped, cold. Now at first I thought well it is because I was in a group of people, but I had been standing with friends before and I still was getting looks. So for the rest of my time there I tried to separate myself from the group but everytime I tried these folks would find me, within two minutes. After awhile it was just frustrating because even when I do roll with people we do not need to stand around each other in a group the whole night. That annoys me. So after awhile I just left.
Then on Saturday I hung out with one of my friends and their friend for a little while. But all in all it was a great, weekend….

Breaking up with Friends

Sometime in early June, I was watching a segment on the Today Show on NBC, and they have this very interesting concept. Breaking up with a friend, what was intriguing about it is that so much emphasis is placed on friendships as being a very integral part of the human experience but not too much is ever discussed about breaking up a friendship. Is this one of the last taboo’s about relationships? After giving it some thought every other relationship, marriage, parent, and even family ties have been discussed ad nauseum as to when it is appropriate to break it of. Yet this is not the case with friends.

But if one looks at pop culture, which is a sign of our times for better or for worse, then it seems that most people are dissatisfied with their friendships. One of TLC’s earliest hits were “What About your Friends” where it discussed the very notion of friendship and are they really people in your life who are there to help you when you need it. Tony Toni Tone’s hit “If I had no loot” discusses the matter of fair-weather friends “When I need them, I have nobody to call, but when they need me my phone rings off the wall” was a line that resonated with audiences. You can even look at television programming how many shows does it seem that someone’s best friend repeatedly gets someone in trouble, this same plot is depicted in reality shows, comedies, dramas, and TV talk shows. So what is this saying, are the state of friends in a state of emergency?

From my own personal experience, there have been people who I thought were my friends, and I’m fairly sure they thought as well, did some pretty crudy things. There were times when I was sick and I was calling people, and I had to beg people to give me medicine, some who are infamous for claiming they only live 15 minutes away said that they were too busy. Others said that I didn’t sound too sick, granted I had a fever and I have shivering from the flu but because they did not want to help they did not think I was sick enough. It wasn’t for my a pretty soror who drove 45 mins to give me medicine I would have been shit out of luck. Now I am not bitter at those people who did not help me but it really opened my eyes and answered one question for me. Are these people really my friends? The answer no.

But what happens when you have a friend, a best friend who does something to you that hurts, do you divorce yourself of that relationship or do you talk it out. Its seems like so many talk shows have story lines of “spouses who are cheating with their wife/husband’s best friend” that friends hurting friends is more common place than not. On the today show when they talked about it, its basically a personal decision, when you need to let someone go. The easiest way is to avoid them, and to avoid confrontation. But if confrontation cannot be avoided then telling them that you need your space for awhile will help. If they still don’t get the message then the time has come to be blunt, and brutally honest.

Breaking up is never an easy thing to do, especially if you truly care for that person. But when the relationship is toxic then its time for a change, if that change means that cutting that person off, or trying to work things out, that is a personal issue that no one can decide for yourself except you.

Facebook Pimpin'

For those of you who are not in the know, Facebook is an online community for those with a college email address. Ideally, facebook is used as a tool to re-connect with old friends from high school, extracurricular activities, and hell even from pre-school if you can remember their name. This online site is also divided up via communities some are based upon college/university that you attended geographical location, and work network, that you may also belong to. You can also post photos of yourself, unlimited amount of albums, view the photos of everyone on your buddy list and in your various networks. But the fun doesn’t stop there, no you can also search for people not just my name but by major key words, but also by sexual preference.

Now, to be honest most folks up there who are gay, do not have it down as I’m gay, in fact at some schools where you know the gay black population is high enough to have its own dorms, rarely does anyone admit. But there are subtle clues, like the biggest is just not answering the question. Or they do have that they are interested in women but for what….friendship read fag-hag. Another sign is look at their friends list, if the vast majority of their friends are men, and men who seem to share certain commonalities, such as football, track, and basketball players but this guy never played any of those sports then that may be a tip off. Better still, if an overwhelmingly high amount of their male friends have no shirt on in their profile photo then that may get the wheels churning. Some of the most painfully homosexuals out there are perpetrating on facebook as “straight”. One can attribute this to not wanting to be OUT to the whole world because that’s not something that they are ready to do. Which is understandable if you’re not out to your mom would you really want her to find out from someone else that you’re being all gay on the internet? I think not.

At first I did not friend anyone on facebook who I didn’t know and did not like as a person. But partly b/c I do not know a lot of people, and I don’t like most people my friends list was rather small. That got boring real quick, and I fooled myself into believing that I need to utilize facebook to its fullest potential. So I started to search out people first by going to the friends page who were painfully gay that I knew, but to their credit they had good looking friends on facebook, that old adage birds of a feather flock together rings so true. So after friending a few people, I became real bold and started a wish list of folks as my friends. What is a wish list you ask, a list of folks who I wished wanted me, nothing more, nothing less. So on my list I have some incredible eye candy, athletes, personal trainers, and random great looking guys who all for one reason or another granted me permission to be their friend.

Some people take it one step further in act, and not only make a wish list but try to meet up, hook up, and etc off of people on their facebook. Usually it starts off innocently enough by someone sending a person a message about something or another, and seeing if they respond. If a response is there, and that response entails them asking something about you, or trying to engage in conversation, not just a mono-Slavic answer then you may be onto something.

In this day in age where technology has permeated every ounce of fabric that ties us all together, then there is no reason for someone in my generation to not use the internet as a tool to meet potential mates. For those of you who view the internet as beholden to danger like kidnapping, rape, and murder I hope you are living in a plastic bubble in a bomb shelter. Because all of those things, happen irregardless of where you meet someone or how.

Just my thoughts

DC PRIDE

There has been a lot of talk about prides lately mainly because tis pride season. Black Gay Prides unofficially start with the Penn Relays in Philly, and unofficially ends Labor Day in Atlanta. There are various smaller prides throughout the year but the most popular ones are the Penn Relays, Houston Splash, DC Pride, San Juan Brothas, Miami Sizzle, and Atlanta Pride, a complete list can be found at the Federation of Black Gay Prides. Like most incidents in life Prides are what you make it, last year I went to Atlanta’s pride, and was not really all that impressed but No4real4real had a ball in the ATL.
Memorial Day has three prides to go to, Miami Sizzle, San Juan Brothas, and DC pride. After going to Atlanta I refused to spend money to go a pride especially when I had one in my own area. The first day I went out I went to the Edge/Wet, after the daunting and time consuming task of looking for a parking space. Then after standing in line for a hot minute I finally got in. Every part of the club that could be filled was filled. In fact walking around I actually felt the body heat generated from the large amount of people. Now as far as the type of guys that were there, it was a noticeable and different crowd than the regular DC crowd. People were closer to my age mid-twenties, as opposed to early thirties. I did see this one guy who I had seen around when I went to Ballys, and had a crush on ever since. So I stepped to him, respectfully, and got rejected respectfully, aww well. But I did meet some other folks at the Edge/Wet, and ran into some of my bros. All in all it was a good time had by all. Oh, before I forget let me recant this one incident that happened while at the club.
So there I am on the outdoor plank where they were playing soca and that real reggage, the type that sounds completely foreign because they are speaking that deep patois. There I am dancing with a few guys, you know nothing special. Then I start dancing with this one guy, I’ll call him NJ, who is really doin’ the damn thing. Me being the dancer that I am, anything you try to do to me I can take it and dish more out. About the second or third dance with NJ he starts to really grind on my crotch and then he backs off it for a second. After doing this he re-positions his hands on my waist to brace himself, I thought. But then his hands keep moving closer, closer, and closer to my manhood. Then NJ gets BOLD as all HELL!!!! He grabs my dick, unzippered my pants, puts his hand and start squeezing my dick, unbuckles his pants and puts his bare ass against my dick. While all this was going on, I kept thinking, this is how the brothas in NJ do, let me find out.
I didn’t do anything on Saturday, but Sunday night I went out to the Fireplace and met some friends who were killing time there before going to see Dawn Robinson formerly of En Vogue, and Letoya Luckett formerly of Destiny’s Child. I met a few people at the fireplace, and just left it at that I mean nothing serious b/c it was pride and I was there strictly to flirt.
There is a lot of discussion as to the real purpose of Prides, are they a means for men to satisfy their ravenous sexual desires for deviancy while attaining a certain level of anonymity. Or are they a vehicle for networking, self-affirmation, and to a certain degree self healing? Unfortunately nothing in life, including Prides, is ever clear cut enough to be answered simplistically.

It’s Time to Start Speaking to the World Again…..

It’s been gone for a minute now I’m back with the Jump-OFF!!!! This is Wise&Young and some of you may be wondering what the hell happened, while some of you may ask who the hell are you? Both of which are very legitimate questions, so allow me to re-introduce myself. I’m a 24 year old African-American gay male in the DC area who chronicles his life in his blog. Now to answer why I have not blogged in a while the answer is simple, I got bored with it and ran out of things to say and new experiences to chronicle. To bring everyone up to speed here is what is new with me.

Left my job @ the university
Got rejected from grad school
Love life still non existent
I work out at least 3x a week
I have a new job as a consultant at a Management & Strategy Consulting Firm
I’ll be traveling to Denver, Albuquerque, Portland, and Anchorage


So except a great depth and variety of my blog topics to come…including but not limited to DC Pride, Love life, Facebook Pimpin’, Breaking up with a friend, Traveling and the New Job, Getting ya shit together, and my new favorite show Windfall.

Just my thoughts